the dangers of halloween...

donnie darko.

ps. dumbest costume ever?

source.

recent interesting news.

- chavez (ergo venezuela) pledges to protect bolivia if the bush the devil (ergo USA) attacks (source).

- yankee pitcher cory lidle was killed when his small plane crashed into a building in nyc (source).

- al gore's an inconvenient truth won a literary award (source).

- pinochet faces another trial related to his role in the murder of one of the thousands of people whose murder he played a role in when he was dictator of chile (before he left office, he awarded himself immunity for all of his human rights violations. the courts can go back on a case-by-case basis and strip him of this immunity, but then he can appeal. oh, and he's too sick to stand trial and suffers from dementia - what? he doesn't want to remember? - so he has yet to be convicted or cleared for any of these crimes). sigh... (source).

- jen and vince have not split (she said on oprah), madonna and guy are adopting a boy from molawi, kevin federline claims his children come first, katie holmes has her wedding dress, and posh spice looks awful naked (source, source).

peace out.
charity :)

hello new york city! page five: images.

the empire state building.



light. i think this was on 42nd street.



crossing the brooklyn bridge.

hello new york city! page four: the phone...

my brother is hilarious.


union square.



on the bus on 2nd avenue, right after i saw SPIKE LEE doing the right thing.



it's not ALWAYS fun and games. don't get on my brother's bad side!!

hello new york city! page three: madison square park.

taken by baxter.







a man and his pigeon.

hello new york city! page two: roaming the streets.

in front of the library.


near the empire state building i think?


in soho.


in the subway.

hello new york city! page one: amnh.

the american museum of natural history! yeah!

fun quizzes at work. i'm so glad today's an early day...

You Are Cameo

You are understanding and very empathetic. You don't tend to have acquaintances. Everyone is your friend. And all of your friends tend to be friends. You have a knack for bringing very different people together.

What Color Orange Are You?

You Are A Weeping Willow Tree

You are a dreamer, and you're into almost any kind of escapism. Restless and capricious, you love to travel to exotic places. You are easily influenced by others, as long as they don't pressure you. You tend to suffer in love until you find that one loyal, steadfast partner. An empathetic friend, you love to make others smile and laugh.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

Your Wrestler Name Is...

Mistress Wildcat

What's Your Wrestler Name?

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them! You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Your Monster Profile

Insane Lunatic You Feast On: Starbucks You Lurk Around In: Public Restrooms You Especially Like to Torment: Emo Kids

What's Your Monster Name?

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous! You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?

doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

(sorry about the formatting weirdness, but i got this in a forwarded email; charity :))

Neologisms

The Washington Post publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.

Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.

Spatula: n. A fight among vampires.

Excruciate: n., the ligament that attaches your ex-wife to your paycheck.

Perplexed: adj., lost in a movie theater.

Population: n., that nice sensation you get when drinking soda.

Racket: n., a small pair of breasts.

Nincompoop: n., the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation.

Ineffable: adj., describes someone you absolutely cannot swear in front of.

Pontificate: n., a document given to each graduating pope.

Pimple: n., pimp's apprentice.

Discussion: n., a Frisbee-related head injury.

Ozone: n., area in which the G-spot is located.

Flattery: n., a place that manufactures A and B cup brassieres only.

Cabbage Patch: A patch for those trying to stop eating cabbage.

Sudafed: A software program on how to file a civil action against the government.

Pop Secret: Paternity suit settled without publicity.

Oral-B: Monica's grade on her last intern evaluation.



The Washington Posts Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: End of the world due to a build up of bad-vibes.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Tumfoolery: When a middle-aged man sucks in his stomach while being introduced to an attractive woman

Fadavers: Last year's hot fads.

Main Geeze: How an elderly, unmarried couple refer to each other.

Polarvoid: The state of having no baby pictures, a condition that usually befalls the second-born child.

Dozie: The lie a person tells when a telephone caller wakes him up and he denies that he was sleeping.

Hooternanny: The au pair you thought was especially promising, but your wife sent back to the agency.

Alexpandria: A town known for its buffet restaurants.

Apocalypstic: The little smudge I came home with on my collar that makes my wife act like it's the end of the world.

Defenestraction: A ruse to divert the cop's attention while you throw the evidence out the window.

Accimental: Caused by a Freudian slip.

Algaebra: What the Little Mermaid wears over her chest.

Aliass: A body double for a nude scene.

Arbyss: The deepest part of the stomach, reserved for two Giant Roast Beefs, large Curly Fries and a chocolate shake.

Avant-harde: Before the Cialis kicks in.

Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

laundry, spaceship flowers, and musings on the subject of death.

this crazy flower is randomly growing in the middle of the yard across the street. i saw it yesterday while i was doing laundry. it's the yard of an apartment building, but somehow this flower found its way there. i remember a flower like this sprung up mysteriously in our yard when i was in grade school. i looked in astonishment at it, and made my mom take a picture of it. "it looks like a spaceship!" i marvelled...


courtesy of my new iPhoto.

i watched the series finale of six feet under last night. i really enjoyed it. i've been thinking a lot about death lately. about how we as a culture (to put it loosely) deal with death. i've just been so struck with how everpresent death is, and yet how scared we all are about it. we see images of death and brutality every day, and we've become desensitised to it, and yet we don't really prepare for it or we think somehow we can protect ourselves from it. we live in constant fear of coming down with a terminal illness, and yet think that somehow, if we live right, we can prevent it from happening. death is the one thing we will all, eventually, have in common, and yet, we live each day trying to prevent it from happening to us.

i tried talking to a friend of mine about this and felt like i just went on and on (this will not surprise anyone reading this who is actually my friend, i'm sure) and didn't really know what i was saying at the end. i remembered the buffy episode where her mom dies. it was similar to the six feet under in a very important respect. these shows, which are centered around death, which have as their main plot lines the death of others, don't actually incorporate many of the details of death, usually. even six feet under, where the deaths are the business (so we see preparations of the body and funerals, and the grieving of others), keeps us far enough away from it to really feel the ache of loss. that's why i think it was important for the show that someone important to us (after having watched 5 seasons) dies. so we can see how the combination of things really works: the realization that despite the overpowering loss you feel with the new vacancy (the questions of where the person is, are they happy, how will you live without them?), you have to do the practical things still, like arrange for the body to be picked up, clean up messes they left, plan a funeral, go to the grocery store, get over it, learn to live again without them there.

when buffy's mom dies, she keeps trying to find supernatural causes for the death, which to me strikes me as a way to move death from reality to nightmare. since she is so accustomed to dealing with the supernatural as her calling/job, she feels compelled to move her mom's death into this place. if she successfully does this, she will be able to see it as a problem to be solved rationally, rather than experiencing it as the unbearable loss and vulnerability it threatens to be. in six feet under, when david has to deal with the death of someone close to him, he too shuts out the emotions at first, and spends all his time and energy on the practical aspects-- planning the service, cleaning the body-- before cracking, becoming inconsolable and completely unable to deal. he almost moves from reality into nightmare as well.

to me, death seems like the most unbearable thing you can share with another person. when people close to me have died, i have been so confused, feeling my emotions, reaching out to them, seeing them in my dreams, unable to let go. it wasn't until i lost someone as an adult that i really found (out of necessity more than anything else, really) my faith. so in that sense, the unbearable pain was necessary to push me to find out what i really beleived. what DID happen to these people? why DO i feel like they are still here? who really IS it that comes to visit me in my sleep? what will happen to me when i die? will i ever see these people again?

my mom once told me about a man she knew who had experienced so much loss. hearing his story, my mom was overwhelmed, not just with disbelief or sadness for him, but with how happy he seemed to be. she asked him about it. he said "all that i have lost has enabled me to identify with and provide comfort to others, and for that i am grateful." sadness is selfish, and trying to prevent the inevitable is a Sisyphean task. death is all around us, and it's not something to be taken lightly, but it happens everyday. like everything, there are good and bad parts. the important thing to realize is that while we are still here, we have to keep going. and that's a blessing. [in this incarnation] we are only born once, and we only die once. what happens in between is up to us.

before i saw the series finale, i listened to this story on npr about the romanian film newly released on dvd: the death of mr. lazarescu. the commentator raises interesting questions and i think i'd like to see the film.

cats.

sam and max concerned about the cable guy in the other room.

max and i are reading the reptile room, soon to begin the wide window.


sam chasing his tail.

one more thing...

from www.divetravelasia.com/

two disagreeable ladies.

see, here's the thing. i lost all my music when my computer "crashed" but i still had two and a half gigs of music in my ipod. that was good, but i realized today that you can't transfer music from your (own) ipod to your (own) computer without downloading a bunch of programs and going through all this nonsense, and frankly i'm afraid now of corrupting the insides of my computer again.

i have to do laundry soon. i meant to do it today but i waited three hours for the cable guys to get here, then two hours for them to leave. on the upside, i did get cable tv finally! of course, there's nothing on, so i'm watching arrested development again anyway.

and, on the other upside, i still have internet access, which i'm using to post this blog. yay!

tomorrow, grading and work. good times!
c :)

update; life lessons.

update on charity's baby (iBook):

• my hard drive was erased (please everyone, remember to back up everything; work, music, photos, memoirs, stories, etc.).


• my RAM was bad. not the built-in RAM, but the additional factory installed RAM, so they'll have to replace it. unfortunately, since my computer is 3 years old (ancient!) they have to order it, so it won't be in until sometime this week, at which point i can go pick it up.


• my software installation disks were ruined (separate incident). apple strung me along all weekend about whether they were going to replace the disks (software is technically only covered for 90 days, even with the extended warranty), and i finally just decided to upgrade to MAC OS X 10.4. unfortunately, i can't install the new software until i have the additional memory, so i'll have to wait on that until later this week, too.


• i got a new battery, and the people at apple are going to replace my keyboard and feet.


• so, the worst news is that i lost everything in my hard drive. the best news is that my warranty expires in november, so i get everything except the software for free (kind-of. i paid $350 for the extended warranty). plus, i still have over 2 GB of music in my ipod!

i emailed the chair of my committee and explained. i have a deadline this friday that i am definitely not going to make. he advised me not to panic. that's kind, but somewhat impossible advice for me to take. i'll do my best.

so what lessons have i learned from all of this?

• back up your data.


• buy the extended warranties.


• don't procrastinate (well, i mean that's a good lesson from this experience, but not one that i will definitely learn).


• there's always a time to let go of stuff that you think you can't live without. you can live without it.


• it can always be worse. after all of this, i went over to my friends' apartment. another friend stopped by and i found out that her boyfriend's sergeant from when he was in the army recently was shot in the head in afghanistan. i don't really feel right complaining; my computer will be working by next weekend. even though i lost stuff i can never replace (stories i've written, photos from vacations, etc.), none of that will really matter in the long run.

moral: let go of what you can't hold onto anymore, and be thankful for what you still have. recognize what's really important and enjoy it while you can.

charity :)

betrayed.

i am writing from school. i want to tell you a story.

once there was a little girl named charity. she lived under an awful curse; she was doomed to be in school for the rest of her life. at first it was fun. she liked learning, and she met new people all the time, who also liked learning. she loved learning about important things, like spelling, and fractions, and geography.

gradually, though, she began to realize that the things she was learning were less practical and more disturbing. her homework came to be dominated by words that ended in -ization, like standardization, and institutionalization, and professionalization. she also began to notice that all her friends had left school. while she was typing the word "rationalization" for the 437th time, her friends were signing marriage licenses, housing deeds, and car titles. this came to disturb her more and more as she remained in school, learning about routinization, watching her friends all get salaried jobs while her own bank accounts got smaller and smaller, and the price of a loaf of bread came to take up a larger and larger proportion of her income.

she was unhappy.

one day she and her roommate decided to move into their own places. her roommate, who was no longer in school, moved in with her boyfriend, who was no longer in school, and charity moved into her own apartment. at first she really liked it. it was in a very nice neighborhood, very close to a pizza shop, a grocery store, a diner, and a video store. she was happy, and her cats were happy.

finally she decided; she decided it was time to get internet access in her apartment. she knew it was expensive, but she felt she needed it. she called the cable company, who said that they could get someone out to her in two weeks. she hated to wait, but decided she would. before the agreed upon time, she was very excited. then she realized that she didn't have any money. maybe she should work more at her parttime job, she thought. then she realized that she wasn't getting enough work done for school. maybe she should cut back on her hours at her parttime job, she though. then she checked her bank account.

panic set in, again.

the day of the cable installation finally arrived. the man came and fiddled around with everything. charity watched him nervously, anxious to have internet access, but scared about the financial committment, trying not to imagine the worst case scenario. then the cable man said "i can't do anything until your landlord unlocks the basement." she called the landlord. 45 minutes later, approximately 30 minutes after the cable man had left, the landlord called back. they arranged to meet the next morning, although charity had to miss an appointment to be there. at least it will be resolved, she thought.

10 o'clock came. her landlord came. he walked around the property. charity waited. 45 minutes later, the cable man came. the landlord was upset because he was getting ready to leave, but he opened the basement anyway. after much fiddling around, the cable man finally hooked up charity's computer to the internet. she was very happy. he left.

she realized later that he had neglected to turn on the cable television, which she had felt guilty about getting in the first place. but she didn't want to pay for it AND not get it. she called back. then she realized that the landlord would have to come out again and she fretted with the knowledge that she would again have to coordinate the schedules of such hard to schedule people. oh, she fretted. she called the landlord and left a message, and enjoyed at least the newfound capability to check her email from home.

then the next morning, she woke up, looking forward to her first full day of having internet, satisfied that at least she wasn't paying for the cable she wasn't getting (she made sure of this when she called the night before).

then her computer crashed.

she lost everything.

pictures: pictures from canada, pictures from her family holidays recently, pictures she could not replace, pictures she could not remember. music: music from her mom's cd library, music from libraries of people who were no longer in town, music from her own library of cds loaned and traded all over the place. work. work. work. work.

she fretted. but nothing could be done.

so she went back to school. where she remains to this day and will remain for all of eternity.

be careful children. it can happen to you.

no more blue streaks.

sofia and zane keeping it real.

for several years i was lucky enought to work at a natural buzz salon in decatur. i first got the job the summer after my return to atlanta the summer after my minor nervous breakdown. i told my hairdresser, jenny, about needing a job, and she urged me to apply at the salon where she worked. i liked jenny; she was crazy in a good way at the time (she unfortunately became crazy in ways that were bad for her physical and mental health soon after) and she really liked doing my hair because i had blue streaks in it.

before i took a year off and moved back in with my mom i used to get my hair done at a place in little five points. chris and i had a routine: after i arrived we would walk over together to fifi mahoney's where we would buy some dye, usually some variations on purple and blue (this was also the time period in which i got my tongue pierced; i was defying social conventions in conventional ways left and right). we would stand outside while chris smoked a cigarette, talking about what we were up to, which usually consisted of him telling me about what he and his partner had been into lately. i liked chris a lot: as a person and as a hair stylist. he was nice and fun and always interesting, and he would make my hair look amazing. i would be in love with my hair. he put natural looking highlights in it, meaning they were in patterns that might emerge from sitting out in the sun, only instead of being blond or light brown, they'd be blue or purple or magenta. once he somehow put purple all over with blue highlights. i never wanted to wash my hair again. my hair was much shorter at the time, but if you've ever seen or tried to apply that type of hair color, i'm sure you're already amazed at his skills.

when i moved back to atlanta, i was sad to see that chris was no longer at the place where i used to get my hair done. of course, i no longer lived two blocks from l5p, either. much had changed since i left, but after being a secretary for 9 months, i really wanted blue in my hair again. doubting i could ever again find someone with the patience and interest and funness of chris, i decided not to try to find the miracle again, but just to get blue chunks in my hair, leaving the rest brown.

that's how i found jenny.

she put blue streaks in my hair, and i came to enjoy visits a great deal. i had to get dye and bring it to her, usually, which was much less convenient, since there weren't too many places to buy that in decatur, and since i had to drive to l5p now, find a place to park, find the dye (no more fifi mahoney's either), drive back to decatur, etc. the good thing about the new style, though, was that it was a little easier to do touch-ups myself.

by the time i went to work at the salon, jenny was in the middle of her own nervous breakdown, so i never saw her again. the stories she told me before she left were some of the most harrowing i've heard, and may have snuffed out much of the isolationist rebelliousness i was nurturing.

for the years when i worked at the salon i passed the time reading celebrity gossip and flirting. without jenny there, i found there was no one to put blue dye in my hair. at that point, i was starting to grow weary of the touching-up process as well. my hair was getting longer and longer, and the process was getting more and more messy and frustrating. a friend of mine helped me for a while, but finally we both just let it go. i was frustrated with many things in my life and i think i just wanted hair i didn't have to mess with as much.

zane came to work at the salon, and i cherished my new friend and the dramatic but tasteful magic he worked with my hair. i remember when i first came to work at the salon, i was surprised i got the job: i didn't think my hair looked nice enough. i didn't think my clothes were trendy enough. i didn't think my make-up was polished enough. as time passed, though, i began to think that maybe that wasn't the case. when zane started doing my hair, i realized that pretty and dramatic were not mutually exclusive. looking back, i realize that the reason i wanted crazy hair (and you should have seen jenny's by the way) was because i felt like i couldn't be as pretty as i wanted, so i had to settle for being over-the-top. some people want to make a statement with their hair, but i finally realized that my self-esteem problems pushed me into making one.

these days my streaks are blonde and my highlights auburn and dark brown. my tongue is still pierced but people often don't even notice. i don't work at the salon anymore because all my other jobs keep me too busy. now i live in atlanta again, far away from the salon in decatur, but still i drive back to visit, gossip, and read celebrity gossip magazines. and when i'm feeling down, i always want to go let zane do something dramatic with my hair. something dramatic, and beautiful.

yours if you want me.

for ben.

Tony Millionaire, Sock Monkey, Vol. III
Dark Horse Books, Milwaukie, Oregon, 2004

birthday quizzes.

Your Birth Month is September

Tolerant and inspirational, you are wise beyond your years. You are universally sympathetic and a great humanitarian. Your soul reflects: Devotion, light, and love Your gemstone: Sapphire Your flower: Morning Glory Your colors: Brown and deep blue

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

You are 80% Virgo

How Virgo Are You?

You Are 76% Control Freak

You are a pretty major control freak, though you may not know it. While your confidence is inspiring, your bossy ways tend to scare people off.

Are You A Control Freak?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others. You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

You Are 68% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

You Are Navy Blue

You're a true adventurer. You constantly find yourself drawn to new experiences, people, and places. Sometimes you feel quite scattered and bored. If something exciting isn't going on, you feel a bit lost.

What Color Blue Are You?

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is in a very different place (both physically and mentally) from where you are right now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker. What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions. You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself. Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

a few pictures.

i will be SO GLAD when i finally get internet access at home (21 september, by the way).


nikki, amy, and myself, in our priceless tiaras,
high in the canadian rockies
(taken by amy's husband, jon).


ben and me at the aquarium.
ben looks so sweet and i look like a crazy person.
in case you didn't notice.


ben, thinking, at the botanical gardens.
perhaps he is thinking
"oh my, what have i gotten myself into?"
or perhaps
"is that a spider?"


my favorite of us. well, second favorite
(taken by ben).

gossamer gets a manicure

hi everyone.
er, i mean anyone. i'm not sure who, if anyone, actually reads this, especially now that it hasn't been updated in almost a month.

i apologize for not writing in so long. my life has been so crazy lately. i don't have access to the internet at my home, and since i haven't been spending 12-hour-long days at school, my ability to write blog entries during my break times has been somewhat abbreviated, understandably.

but, just so you're not worried (whoever you are...), i am fine, sam and max are fine, and i am actually quite happy, albeit way busier than i anticipated. i will fill you in on more details as soon as i can. hopefully before my birthday, which is wednesday.

i got some beautiful pictures in canada and will post some as soon as possible. i also got some cute ones of (me and) ben when he came to visit. i'll post some of them as well.

i hope you are well, whoever and wherever you are.
charity :)

you'd better study hard; the test is a doozy!

(courtesy of my friend nikki)

speaking of nikki, we're off to BANFF. so i will post again in september.
be good!
charity :)