The Insanity of the Mundane

Hi there. It's been a while. I hope you are well. 

For me, as with most people probably, it's been a roller coaster. 

[By the way, I'm not talking about the kind of coaster that is fun and exhilarating and makes you feel like you're flying and afterwards you stand tall, ready to conquer all of life's problems. I'm talking about the kind of coaster where the seats in the car are covered in pee, the headrest is smeared with blood, and your shoes are ruined by the pools of vomit in the floor, and where you go up the first hill hearing ominous noises and watching nuts and bolts fall to the ground, so you close your eyes the rest of the trip - after you survive, against all odds, you stumble towards the exit and collapse on the bench outside, unable to walk or eat or drink water for the rest of the day due to the lingering nausea and psychological trauma. Not fun. But a teaching moment.]

As 2020 starts again for the third time, I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, useless, and defeated. I truly hope you feel better.

I've missed blogging and writing, but have been basically paralyzed by angst for the past however many months. In mommy terms I would say that my current trauma state is entering its 25th month. 

[On second thought, I'd probably say my trauma was born August 2016, when Collin and I moved from SF to NC to be closer to our family. Just last night was the latest time one of us looked drearily at the other and said "I wish we'd never left San Francisco." This time it was Collin, but the hot potato goes back and forth repeatedly. That would make the trauma a fitting 66 months old. Deep breath.]

I know everyone is having a hard time, and other people continue to function relatively effectively in this modern pseudo-hell. I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful for it. In fact, I'm in an almost constant state of desperation to appreciate everything I have before the other shoe falls and everything immediately slips away. I'm clinging to the bearable NOW before it inevitably turns into the horrific THEN, when I just won't be able to survive it anymore. My mind pushes out adrenaline, whispering enjoy it now bitch and cackling terrifyingly. Then I look around in the silence with wide, wild eyes and say a short prayer of thanks for the mediocrity of my life. 

"Everything's ok," I blurt out to myself as a mantra, hoping no one heard me. "This is fine, I have a wonderful life, I should be happy," I blather on and on inside because if I stop for long, the other voice comes back from the shadows: enjoy it now, bitch.

From the outside I guess it probably seems like I live a life of leisure. The truth is I'm just barely hanging on from one day to the next. I haven't had a full-time job since 2019, and after almost two years of underemployment in a global pandemic my daily routines have become ice floes. I swim from one to the next like a polar bear, all the while stuffing my face day after day in preparation for a hibernation that never happens. I complete my chores and small projects and then try to find a new one before the panic sets in. [Let's not talk about how climate change is making the ice floes further and further apart, but it's clearly happening in my metaphor, too.] 

After 25 months of surviving-not-thriving, I'm feeling pretty hopeless. Actually, hopeless isn't quite the right word. Let's see, what's the feeling called when you are handcuffed in prison on the Titanic trying to stand on something to keep your head above water before you drown? That's what I'm feeling. Maybe not hopeless, but definitely helpless. Just waiting for Rose to show up with the ax, I guess.

I hope you are better. I hope the new year brings happiness and gratitude and blessings and laughter and love to all of us. I hope we find ways to help others. Maybe if we still have hope, we can help, and that will help us all.

Charity

Birthday Blues

Honestly, this has not been a great week. The bits I can share include a hurricane warning on my birthday, being stuck inside all weekend long with our kittens, unable to go anywhere to celebrate, and our house flooding on Monday. I'll stop there and leave the rest to your imagination.

As you may have guessed, I did not finish any of my 40 before 40 or 400 before 40 or 4 before 40 lists or anything similar. I now have one more thing that I think I did poorly though, so I could easily make a list of 40 failures before 40, and perhaps to cap off this week of turning 41, I could even list 40 failures since 40. It's been a sickening unsatisfying messy cycle of getting wind in my sails and then having my sails fall apart over and over and over again.

Life is good, though. I could be incredibly or uncomfortably unhealthy, rather than just inconveniently and embarrassingly so. I could be destitute and without the safety of a roof over my head, or I could be living life with no amazing wonderful cats which would also be terrible.

Overall things aren't terrible but I just expected more, you know? I just expected more, that's all.

Thanks for listening.

Update 4: 400 B4 40

Whew! So it's been a while. Lots happened, including my awesome trip to SF, which I will write about later. In the meantime, though, here's an update on what I've been doing.

Forty Playlists:

I'm falling behind on these because they are really hard! I'm almost done with 1987-1990, which will bring me right into adolescence and grunge music, so that should be a breeze, right?!?!

Year 0: 1977
Year 1: 1978
Year 2: 1979
Year 3: 1980
Year 4: 1981
Year 5: 1982
Year 6: 1983
Year 7: 1984
Year 8: 1985
Year 9: 1986

Forty-ish Films:

1 (100): Ben-Hur
2 (99): Toy Story
3 (98): Yankee Doodle Dandy
4 (97): The Last Picture Show
5 (96): Do the Right Thing
6 (95): The Last Picture Show
7 (94): Pulp Fiction
8 (93): The French Connection
9 (92): Goodfellas

Forty Defining Experiences:

I have created a list of 21 experiences so far!

Forty Chores:

1 - repair paint on carl
2 - get NC license plate
3 - get ivy from trees
4 - remove dead weeds from walkway [I feel like I've done this a million times and they keep coming back. I think that's the nature of weeds, which makes me wonder if I should take this off the list...]
5 - trim azalea
6 - file all paperwork
7 - update blog background
8 - replace filter on cat fountain
9 - do something about the doors
10 - plant something?
11 - get a new passport (need to wait until after July)
12 - go to the eye doctor
13 - go to the lady doctor
14 - go to the dentist
15 - go to the dermatologist?
16 - find a real doctor
17 - cancel Foreign Affairs subscription
18 - update address at SFFCU and get new debit card
19 - hang plants from ceiling
20 - hang intentions board
21 - edit video footage of Louis from 2015
22 - edit video footage of Collin from 2016
23 - edit video footage of Devon from 2017
24 - renew library books and return books that can't be renewed anymore
25 - fix slow draining shower!!!
26 - Write May Minimalism Challenge blog entry
27 - edit video footage of Greer's wedding from 2017
28 - finish year 1 (SF) photo book! :-)
29 - photobook for Greer!
30 - take donations away from the house!
31 - oil change for Carl
32 - curtains for the bathroom
33 - make shed lockable

Forty Unbroken Chains:

I have been steadily accumulating stuff and feel certain I will be able to accumulate more.

Forty Letters:

Honestly I'm reconsidering writing these. I'll think about it more and if I change my mind I will explain why.

Forty Acts of Self-Love:

1 - 14 - I started doing Richard Hittleman's Yoga: 28 Day Exercise Plan. I'm on day 14, so I'm counting it as 14. :-)
15 - another sweet half hour in the massage chair while Collin got another haircut
16 - visited some of my wonderful friends in SF
17 - mani-pedi in SF!
18 - shiatsu massage with communal bathing at Kabuki Springs & Spa, which should really count as 50 self-care acts because it was so amazing and I'm so glad I didn't find it when we lived in SF or I would have spent all of my money there, which actually may not have been such a bad thing come to think of it :-)
19 - signed up for regular facials
20 - massage and facial at Massage Envy
21 - lots of foot soaking!
22 - facial steam
23 - haircut
24 - rainbow mani-pedi
25 - massage chair at Collin's haircut
26 - lying out in the sun on the porch reading Borne

Forty Job Applications:

I am currently working part-time as a companion and just finished my application to be a Lyft driver. I'm also in talks to finalize another part-time job opportunity, so I'm feeling slightly optimistic. I'm very thankful for the opportunity I've had to really focus on finding work that makes me happy, while also taking some time to get settled into our new life in Durham. I'm ready to be at work full-time, though. This gig economy is exhausting for real.

Forty Photos:

1983? (age 6?): I love this photo of me with my dear grandma Helen reading The Value of Understanding: the Story of Margaret Mead, which may have been responsible for me deciding to be a sociologist, not to be dramatic about it or anything...

I gave a print of this to my mom one Mother's Day and this year I got a print for myself too. It's hanging beside my computer screen so I see it whenever I am in my office and often look at it when I take my "space-out breaks" (not sure what they are actually called but I'm sure you know what I mean). It's very special to me.

Forty Haiku:

Five:

my motto of late:
suck it up and suck it in!
(not sure it's helping)

Six:

seagulls gathering -
in the twilight they sort through
abandoned memories.

May Minimalism Challenge (may? so retro!)

I've mentioned the May Minimalism Challenge before and threatened to write about it - I even posted some photos on Instagram in case you don't believe I actually got rid of anything (see below, music by Uncle Earl). The idea was to get rid of one thing on May 1, two things on May 2, and so on. I got up to the early 20s I think!

Even though I didn't finish, this was a very useful activity. I got rid of a few things (YAY) but more importantly, I challenged myself to get rid of some things! I broke through the inertia of collecting junk, which was very important for me. 

Before I finished the challenge several "life" (and death) things occurred that interfered with my ability to sort and get rid of things (it's hard to sort/toss/donate when you are hundreds of miles away) and when I got back, the thought of getting rid of so much stuff at once was just overwhelming (25 + 26 + 27 + #@$(&@). That's why I've decided to get rid of 40 things by 40. 

My sister-in-law, like others I've known, regularly goes through her house getting rid of things they don't need. It helps her because she doesn't like to have lots of stuff around. Sometimes she gives away gifts people have given her and sometimes she gives away things that she likes - it's not about that. It's about making a space where she and her family can feel uncluttered and unfettered.

Last time she did this I visited her afterwards and saw a present I'd given my niece in a bag to be taken away. At first I was a little sad but then after that first twinge I realized that my niece is learning the importance of making space for herself, and figuring out how to part with things guilt-free, and I was so happy about this that I didn't even mind. 

On some level I know that this inability to get rid of meaningless "stuff" is basically allowing myself to be controlled by it and that's no good. That's why in my list of goals I call this one 40 Unbroken Chains. I really feel like that's what they are - chains. Which is weird because it makes me wonder why I can't just throw them all away at once. I guess it just takes a little practice. :-)

Update 3: 400 B4 40

Before the specifics, I want to give a general update on stuff and things. I'll get into the details below. As you may have seen, Collin and I went to Colorado last week for my sister-in-law's wedding, which was beautiful. I saw a place that did ziplining but we didn't have a chance to do it.

I've been thinking about ziplining though, because I'm planning my 40 trip! I'm hoping that we can take a road trip to Key West. The only problems are 1) it's still really hot down there in September and 2) it's also hurricane season. So yeah, we're thinking about it. :-)

I've been really busy and noticing as usual that the first thing I let go of is the self-care. Urgh. But I'm going to SF in two weeks and that will be awesome. I'm not sure I'll be able to get healthy before 40, at least not as healthy as I would have liked, but I can definitely improve, so that's something to look forward to.

So. Updates.

Forty Playlists:

Oh my gosh it's getting so hard to make these mixes! Somehow I managed to cut 1983 from 5 hours to 1.5 but whew it was tough. 1984 started as over 6 hours!! I was just deleting like crazy - I can't even remember what I deleted honestly. It's all a blur. But not Blur. They didn't form until 1988. So far I am thinking this is my favorite "before 40" activity!

Year 0: 1977
Year 1: 1978
Year 2: 1979
Year 3: 1980
Year 4: 1981
Year 5: 1982
Year 6: 1983
Year 7: 1984

Forty-ish Films:

Still not making much progress on getting through the top 100 or even the 40ish I haven't seen yet. I brought the DVDs with me to Colorado but it has been really busy lately, and it's hard to watch movies while making playlists. :-)

1 (100): Ben-Hur
2 (99): Toy Story
3 (98): Yankee Doodle Dandy

Forty Defining Experiences:

Still thinking, but not as much. At least I'm being honest about it!

Forty Chores:

The list keeps growing but that's ok.

1 - repair paint on carl
2 - get NC license plate
3 - get ivy from trees
4 - remove dead weeds from walkway [I feel like I've done this a million times and they keep coming back. I think that's the nature of weeds, which makes me wonder if I should take this off the list...]
5 - trim azalea
6 - file all paperwork
7 - update blog background
8 - replace filter on cat fountain
9 - do something about the doors
10 - plant something?
11 - get a new passport (need to wait until after July)
12 - go to the eye doctor
13 - go to the lady doctor
14 - go to the dentist
15 - go to the dermatologist?
16 - find a real doctor
17 - cancel Foreign Affairs subscription
18 - update address at SFFCU and get new debit card
19 - hang plants from ceiling
20 - hang intentions board
21 - edit video footage of Louis from 2015
22 - edit video footage of Collin from 2016
23 - edit video footage of Devon from 2017
24 - renew library books and return books that can't be renewed anymore
25 - fix slow draining shower!!!
26 - Write May Minimalism Challenge blog entry
27 - edit video footage of Greer's wedding from 2017
28 - finish year 1 (SF) photo book! :-)
29 - photobook for Greer!
30 - take donations away from the house!
31 - clear out cardboard boxes from downstairs

Forty Unbroken Chains:

My previously gathered things are getting lonely. 

Forty Letters:

Hmm, need to do...

Forty Acts of Self-Love:

1 - facial steam (today)
2 - haircut
3 - rainbow mani-pedi
4 - massage chair at Collin's haircut
5 - lying out in the sun on the porch reading Borne

Forty Job Applications:

Ay caramba, I don't know how many I've done so far but I had two interviews in the past week (same place) so that feels pretty great!

Forty Photos:

2002 (age 25): Reynoldstown, Atlanta, getting ready for a Halloween party in the apartment I shared with my friend from college (the one dressed as Maggie the Cat) and her friend (not pictured). This was right around the time I started dating Collin (the first time). By the next Halloween my friend and I had "broken up" and so had Collin and I. 

2003 (age 25): Spain with Mom to visit Baxter, who was studying abroad. I love this photo. It was taken by mom in the beautiful Atocha Train Station in Madrid, less than a year before the bomb attacks here.

2005 (age 27): Surrey (England) with Mom, who was doing some consulting work there. I studied for my prelim in Social Movements while she was working and had shortbread and tea with milk every morning for breakfast. We went for a long walk on some of the walking trails around there and found this neighborhood pub, where a barman named James served me a delicious "bitter" with a smile. Also that was my Power Puff Girls watch, which I miss.

Forty Haiku:

No new ones!

Playlist! YEAR 7: 1984

In 1984 I changed schools for the first time, because my school was repurposed into an administration building. I remember playing in the big magnolia tree next door with all the neighborhood kids, and going to sleepovers at their houses. I remember trick-or-treating, trying to avoid the lady who gave out pennies, and I remember mom portioning out our Halloween candy for months later. I remember going to summer camps at the Y. I remember listening to music and watching MTV at my dad's house when we'd go visit for the weekends, taking trips in mom's little camper and listening to her sing along with the radio, roller skating, getting awesome grades, and losing teeth like crazy.

In my first grade photo, which was taken in 1983, I was missing both front teeth. The day before my second grade photo I ran into the magnolia tree, so my mom let me wear my favorite dress even though it didn't have a collar and she french braided my hair around the crown of my head. I still had a big scab in the middle of my forehead, but everyone told me that I'd laugh about it later and they were all right.

I remember going to a slumber party once for my friend's birthday, which was right around Valentine's Day. They had hung pink heart streamers in the basement, where they sat us down around the TV to watch Poltergeist (which was actually rated PG since they hadn't invented PG-13 yet). This was the first scary movie I saw and at one of the most terrifying moments, one of the streamers came down on us. We screamed and ran up and all piled on her dad's lap.


In 1984, Hollywood gave us Ghostbusters, Gremlins, the Terminator, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Karate Kid, Sixteen Candles, Purple Rain, Revenge of the Nerds, Footloose, Police Academy (the start of an empire), Splash, and The Muppets Take Manhattan. It also gave us Blood Simple, Dune, This is Spinal Tap, and Repo Man, which I didn't appreciate until later. I still haven't seen Children of the Corn and Firestarter. I remember watching Purple Rain at a sleepover at the Y. Really not sure how that happened, since the movie is rated R, but it's better not to question 1984 in its Infinite Wisdom.


I thought making the 1983 playlist was hard and it was but a few kind-of-big-deal albums came out in 1984, too, like, oh I don't know Born in the U.S.A. (Bruce Springsteen), Like a Virgin (Madonna), She's So Unusual (Cyndi Lauper), and the Purple Rain soundtrack so yeah, back up to 6 hours again to start.

After much nail-biting, I got it down to right around 2 hours and I'm going to leave it. I moved a couple of the songs to 1983 so now that one is up to 1.7 hours, too. I'm going to have to start tightening up because once I get to the early 90s things are going to get crazy at this rate.


Link / Year 7: 1984*

Track Listing:

Oh Sherrie - Steve Perry
Missing You - John Waite
Like a Virgin - Madonna
Pride (In the Name of Love) - U2
In a Big Country - Big Country
Out of Touch - Hall & Oates
Run to You - Bryan Adams
Footloose - Kenny Loggins
Ghostbusters - Ray Parker, Jr.
Girls Just Want to Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
Jam On It - Newcleus
No Parking (On the Dance Floor) - Midnight Star
Let the Music Play - Shannon
I Didn't Mean to Turn You On - Cherrelle
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go - Wham!
You Might Think - The Cars
Owner of a Lonely Heart - Yes
2000 Miles - Pretenders
Against All Odds - Phil Collins
Wrapped Around Your Finger - The Police
How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths
I Can Dream About You - Dan Hartman
What's Love Got to Do With It - Tina Turner
Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen


*By the way, you may have to have a subscription to Apple Music to listen to this. You will almost certainly need iTunes and an Apple ID. If you'd rather I make you an actual mixtape, just remember that it's 2017 not 1977.

thanks xoxo

Greer's Wedding: Processional (6/24/17)

Brandon played Northern Wind by City and Colour as the processional. It was so lovely! The sound is not bad, except for the part with the harmony - we heard it beautifully live but the camera didn't pick it up well. I'm working on a longer video but wanted to send this out ahead of time.

charity

The Curse of Great Beauty

I wrote this story in when I was 30. It's only semi-autobiographical. For instance, I definitely remember the guy walking around the grocery store with a chicken and his cane in the cart, but I don't remember ever gathering a crowd in the tomatoes aisle. I remember thinking at the time, "Wow if it gets this dark when I turn 30 I've got a long road ahead." Indeed.

I was also listening to lots of Clem Snide around that time.

c

The Curse of Great Beauty

My beauty isn’t what it once was.

When I was younger, I would stop traffic. Men, and sometimes women, would stare at me as they drove by, sometimes remembering to wave, but other times just gaze, transfixed, under my spell.

When it first began happening, I didn’t know what to make of it. I had been an adorable baby, but sometime during my pre-pubescence, I had begun looking mousy and nondescript, as one might say. In high school, I had typical adolescent self-esteem problems, and didn’t notice my own blossoming.

When people began staring like that, I attributed it to possible fashion faux pas, always checking myself to see if I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe, or mismatched shoes, or a giant stain on my shirt front.

I gradually came to realize that there was nothing wrong with me. The realization was exhilarating. I came to look forward to tossing my hair on a breezy day, and could feel the eyes catching the sun as it shone of my shiny tresses. I would dress up to go the grocery, knowing that I could stand in the aisle deciding which type of canned tomatoes to purchase and by the time I left, several people would have stopped to mull over the same decision, casting sideways glances at me while there.

I marveled at the freedom this sort of admiration brought. I never had to remember anyone’s birthday. I never had to worry about an admirer’s faithfulness. I never had to worry that a loved one would see an ugly side of me and turn away in disgust. It was fantastic. This is all I need out of life, I thought, smiling and winking as I passed a group of young men standing on the corner, their female friends scowling subtly, so as not to betray their jealousy.

I never felt lonely.

Then, at some point, I noticed the number of admirers began to dwindle. Just as I was realizing my power, and strength, and beauty—just as I realized I should not take any of it for granted—I realized that I was no longer the center of that attention. I compensated, wearing more revealing shirts at first, then darker eye make-up, then making more eye contact.

One day, as I was getting ready, I had what recovering addicts call a “moment of clarity.” I saw myself. I looked at my face, halfway through the disguising process, and felt like Baby Jane. I looked at my outfit and felt like Jezebel. I thought of all the young women I was competing with and realized that I no longer had what they had—the thing that made them all so gorgeous and had once graced my countenance—peace. Joy in living the moment. Happiness to share in the beauty of the whole world. Just enough self-doubt to be delighted in the affirmation of a beauty just discovered.

All of that was gone now, and no amount of make-up or garish clothing could reproduce it. I had never been so lonely in my life.

I put down my make-up, and took off my disguise. I went to the store and stood in the canned tomatoes aisle, trying to decide between seasoned and unseasoned, organic and conventional, diced and chopped, and while I did, people came through, picking up their cans and moving on. I smiled to myself. I am the invisible woman, I thought. I went to the produce section. People passed me with their carts, pushing their babies, or talking with their partners, or on their phones, hardly noticing I was there. I decided on fresh organic grape tomatoes, smiling again to myself as I imagined the pop of sweetness in my mouth, feeling in my memory the freshly turned dirt of my grandfather’s farm as I squished it between my toes.

I realized—not too late, as these realizations are never too late, but always just on time—that I had been blind all along to my true beauty.

I’m not as beautiful as I once was, but I finally have access to the beauty that really matters. The beauty of my heart, the beauty of my memory, the beauty of my love, the beauty of my family, the beauty of my spirit, the beauty of my soul. And I can finally see that beauty in others.

Now, beauty stops me in my tracks, and I realize that it is everywhere. There is the beauty of a little girl chasing a dog in the front yard, laughing hysterically as the dog plays and loves the only way he knows. I know they are both living life to the fullest. There is the beauty of an elderly man, pushing a shopping cart through the grocery holding nothing but a whole cooked chicken and his cane. I know I can never know the strength and pain he has endured, and only hope that I have the grace and resolve to make it as far. There is the beauty of a middle-aged couple walking through the bookstore together, holding hands, and the beauty of a man picking out a movie at the video store, alone like me.

Of course, there is always the beauty of a young woman walking with her hair blowing in the wind, as well, although it is tinged with sadness for me, and a hope that she will realize sooner than I did where beauty really resides.

Charity Crabtree

Sunday, 24 February 2008

AFI Top 100: Ben-Hur (#100 in 2007; #72 in 1998) (so many spoilers)

Ben-Hur was released in 1959 and people thought it was pretty good. It won 11 Academy Awards (out of 12 nominated), which is still a record, although it's now tied with Titanic (14 nominated) and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (11 nominated). Although it was not the highest grossing film in history at the time, it was the second highest, after Gone with the Wind. Which was good for the studio, since it had the largest budget of any film yet made ($125 million adjusted for inflation) and the largest sets. The Director was also paid the highest base salary ($350k in 1958 dollars) plus bonuses. This film was so epic that although they used miniatures to film the sea battles, I'm sure they were the biggest miniatures ever used. And the musical score is still the longest ever composed.

Oh and it has a chariot race scene that people kind of like. Which is good because it took 5 weeks spread over 3 months to film it. Yes, the one scene. And no this doesn't count the months of practice that the actors had to do to be able to drive the chariots, or the building of the second identical track where the horses and riders could practice. So yes, it did require sacrifices and hard work, but no one died during filming it, which is a commonly-repeated urban legend. However, the son of one of the scene's directors, Charleton Heston's stunt double, was in a really bad accident that could have been fatal but luckily he only received minor injuries. The accident was in the final cut but they cut in a close up of Heston climbing back into the chariot afterwards [whew].

The horses in this scene though. Amazing.

This movie really is epic. From the acting, to the directing and cinematography, to the music and the extras... It's really amazing to think how many people worked so hard to make this thing happen. But it's not just huge things, it's little things, too. For instance, I noticed was that most of the Romans had British accents in contrast to most of the Jews. Turns out that was intentional. According to Wikipedia, Director William Wyler "typically cast the Romans with British actors and the Jews with American actors to help underscore the divide between the two groups. The Romans were the aristocrats in the film, and Wyler believed that American audiences would interpret British accents as patrician." Directors are clever. I love how decisions they make, that audiences might not ever notice, still have an impact on how the audience perceives the film. 

Like how they never showed Jesus' face. It's interesting how Jesus is so crucial to the story but he's portrayed almost as an extra. Of course you always know it's him because his hair is always beautifully brushed and people always stop and stare at his face for a long time, which is interesting because as I mentioned, his face is never shown to us.

See? It's so obvious which one is Jesus even from the back.

In all seriousness, though, Ben-Hur is a film that has been impressive for 55+ years and will certainly be so for many more, so in one sense it's timeless. At the same time, it is definitely a film of its time (1959) based on a book of its time (1890). For instance, who can forget Sheik Ilderim (played in brownface by actor Hugh Griffith, who won an Oscar for his portrayal) joking to Ben-Hur when he mentioned in an offhand way that he might like to find a wife: "One wife? One God, that I can understand - but one wife! That is not civilized. It is not generous."

I don't even know how many wives I have! LOL!

I was also amazed at how upwardly mobile Ben-Hur was during his enslavement. He starts as a slave dying of thirst in the desert, but ends up a Roman noble, or something like it.

As a galley slave, his new master Quintus Arrius whipped him; when he flinched and stopped himself from lunging forward Arrius was pleased: "You have the spirit to fight back but the good sense to control it. Your eyes are full of hate, Forty-One. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength."

I'M TALKING AT YOU, 41!

And then after a few things happen - like QA leaving BH unchained before a battle and BH saving QA during the battle and QA winning the battle by luck/chance even though everyone else died - and QA is like, woah I love this dude. So he adopts him. Because really, I'm sure every slave's biggest hope and dream is that their owner/master will claim them as an heir in front of all their rich friends. 

Hey everybody! I'm giving all my property to this guy as long as he doesn't mind remaining my property. Because that's true love. I'm even going to change his name from Number 41 to my name. Because that's true love. Who cares what his real name is, anyway? Now eat more food cooked by my cooking slaves and watch my dance slaves dance for you. Aren't they fun?!

Speaking of true love, BH and Messala have a very interesting relationship. They appear to have a really strong bond. I'm not trying to say men can't be friends, but you just don't see many men doing champagne toasts with arms intertwined these days, for better or for worse. 

#brotime

It's always made me a little sad to see how representations of straight men in the 50s in America showed more expressiveness, since I also know that at this time actual homosexual feelings were always hidden. Now that it's more acceptable to be gay, straight men seem to avoid showing affection so their emotions don't threaten their straight masculinity. 

In The Celluloid Closet, Gore Vidal explained that he coached the guy playing Messala that their relationship should have homosexual elements and that he should act like a spurned lover to justify the vindictiveness that comes out throughout the latter part of the film. Of course, Wyler and Heston were both like, "Hey, no, totally no homoerotic stuff here!" so I guess, you know, typical straight guy bro-lationship. (Even that word "homoerotic" makes it seem like men that express emotions with one other is somehow a significant departure from "normal" behavior. It's especially sad to me because my "homoerotic" relationships with women have been so important in allowing me to define who I am - to think about hiding the love and affection and companionship I felt with them over my lifetime is just really sad. Of course the reason I can show this affection is not unrelated to the fact that it's fetishized by straight men, but I'm getting off topic here.)

All in all, I'm really glad I watched this movie. I would definitely watch it again if I find myself with 4 hours and nothing to do. 

Or I might just rewatch the chariot race scene.

Ben-Hur (1959) Chariot Race by mariusangol
You're welcome. :-)

PS -- There were several sequences when Ben-Hur was in the galley (which looks like really difficult work and not very fun to get whipped obvs) but I couldn't help but think about how nice it would be to have a personal drummer when I do the rowing machine. That would really be useful to keep me going. I can't see working on a galley and then having to go make sandwiches 5 minutes into it or feed the cats - sure it has nothing to do with me not wanting to exercise, it's just you know the cats are clearly starving to death you know - the only downside I can see (aside from being enslaved and having to go down with the ship when it is rammed or catches on fire because I'm chained to my post) is that forever after hearing a good beat must cause your PTSD to flare up. That would make going to the club unbearable. But as I approach 40 I find that going to the club is already pretty unbearable so basically let me know if you want to be my personal workout drummer ok thx

Here Goes! 400 B4 40

Ok so after much consideration and preparation (like, too much I know), I've made a decision about what I will do in preparation for or in honor of my upcoming milestone birthday. This is in addition to any road trips or tropical vacations I may or may not be able to make happen.

I think lists are good but I found that there were several categories of things I wanted to do, so I decided to use "40 by 40" as an inspiration or guideline rather than a format. If I end up doing all of the things listed below, it will actually be 400 things. So... NO PRESSURE.

Basically the first thing on my list is to decide for myself what is appropriate and then live that truth.

So technically 401 then. I need to leave before I add more things to this list!!!

Forty Playlists:

I'm going to do a playlist for each year of my life. I'll make these Apple Music Playlists so I can share the link in my blog. I've already started the first playlist (YEAR 1: 1977) and I'll post the link ASAP! This is going to be really fun. I'm using songs that either came out or were hits in each year. Not sure how you are with math but you might notice that 2017 will actually be Year 41 so 1) I'm off the hook for that one but also 2) I'm technically on my firty-first year already.  #gtfo

Forty-ish Films:

One thing that I've always wanted to do is watch all the films on the American Film Institute Top 100. I was in college when they first put the list together and I remember one of my professors lamenting the fact that they had included Birth of a Nation. But where was the outrage about Dances with Wolves!? Just kidding. They revised the list in 2007 and I note they removed both but they also made lots of changes to the list and I wanted to take some time and allow myself to explore that. So this seems like lots of fun. When I originally counted, there were around 40 that I thought I had not seen. I recounted and actually I've seen lots more than 60 but don't remember lots of them well. I'm saying 40 because I am going to try to watch all of them, and if I get through the first 40 by September then I will be pleased. Although I'm actually going for all 100. From the 2007 list. Then I'll revisit the 1998 one.

Forty Defining Experiences:

I'd like to make a list of 40 defining experiences that I've already had that have made me who I am today. This can be achievements or events or failures or milestones or moments of awakening - it's a pretty broad list because I don't want to stress about it too much. Otherwise I'll have to put creating this list on the list and that's just too meta.

Forty Chores:

I'm sure I can get a list of forty chores I need to do around the house. Well I'm not sure, but I think it's pretty likely.

Forty Unbroken Chains:

I didn't get to finish my May Minimalism Challenge because of the rude interference of life (how dare you!) so I'll finish by getting rid of forty things I don't need! I really enjoyed the Minimalism Challenge. This might be something I want to do every birthday. 

Forty Letters:

Although my arthritic hand aches just thinking about it, I would like to write 40 letters to people. I think that's a doable and enjoyable task. I'll write a letter to myself, too, which is something that is always included in those 40 before 40 lists.

Forty Acts of Self-Love:

This is another very broad category, including things like painting my nails into a rainbow, getting a nice haircut, meditating, doing yoga at home, etc. I'd like to do 40 days in a row of meditation and 40 days in a row of yoga at home, which might be pushing it. But I do have 97 days, which is way more than 40...

Forty Job Applications:

Apply for forty jobs! Can I do it?!? Yes! Will all of them be dream jobs? No, probably not.

Forty Photos:

I'd like to select forty photos from over the years - not necessarily one from each year because I lost my senior scrapbook in the move out west which was the worst part of my life so far. So I don't have photos from each year. But I'm pretty sure I can come up with forty photos which might make up for the loss a little. (Not really, but I'm trying here.)

Forty Haiku:

I really like writing haiku so it would be fun if I could manage to write 40 in honor of my birthday. I'll think about that, though. Haiku is not fun (or good) if forced.

Here's my first:

approaching forty

so much has been accomplished

so much left to do

charity :-)

40 Before 40 (study/quiz 8)

This list is originally from YouQueen and it is probably my favorite. Why? Well obviously because of this sentence, in the introductory paragraph:

While I have not yet surpassed the quarter-century milestone myself, growing further and further away from my carefree teenage years definitely has me thinking about my life’s “bucket list.”

Oh goody. So this is a list of 40 things a 24-year-old thinks I should do in the next 98 days in order to feel like I'm on track to living a fulfilled life. Or in order to be considered a Queen, maybe? Or as she says:

The ever-increasing number of birthday candles on the annual sweet symbol of aging should be an inspiration to continue to live our lives to the fullest. Not all to-do lists have to be formidable! These 40 things to do before you’re 40 should serve as a source of inspiration as opposed to a source of stress! 

See? It has to be good. *I've removed most of the clarification blurbs.


1. Go abroad.

Done!

2. Read a classical novel in its entirety. 

Done! (What were you reading in high school and college? Just curious. Not the classicals I guess.)

3. Write a thank-you card. 

Done. What kind of uncivilized people need to add this to a 40 before 40 list?! Oh right. Millennials. 

4. Cook a new recipe.

Done. Since I've cooked something from a cookbook at least once in my life....

5. Write in a journal.

Done. I have written at least one journal entry in my life.

6. Smile at a stranger. For no particular reason.

Done. Since I'm a woman raised in the South and that's what we are taught to do. It's kind of a thing.

7. Go 24 hours without technology.

Since I was born in 1977 I have definitely spent at least one 24-hour period in these almost 40 years without technology. More recently I did Outward Bound and putting up my phone for a week was one of the hardest and easiest things I've ever done in my life.

8. Laugh until you cry.

It's been a long time but I've definitely done this.

9. Sing karaoke.

Done, bought the machine.

10. Get your adrenaline pumping.

MUST TO DO ZIPLINING

11. Attend a sporting event.

Done.

12. Do something in front of a large group of people. 

Done.

13. Go camping. 

Done. And I appreciate you not requiring me to go glamping. Although the idea is starting to grow on me as it keeps showing up on these lists...

14. Go vegetarian. Try it for one week. Want to take it to the extreme? Go vegan.

Want to go REALLY extreme? Try it for ten years.

15. Finish a race.

Just curious: are we counting races run in high school PE class? Because I learned then that races aren't really my thing.

16. Do something alone. 

Done. I went to a few concerts alone in graduate school and met really interesting people. I also used to go to the movies alone quite a lot. Wait, did you never eat lunch alone during a workday? 

17. Volunteer.

Done. Thank you for giving me the freedom to volunteer in ways other than at a soup kitchen. I was starting to think that's the only kind of volunteering that mattered to these list-makers.

18. Go to the beach. 

Done. And now I'm going to cry thinking that people haven't seen the ocean. That really breaks my heart.

19. Watch a sunset. One of the most astounding natural occurrences. It happens everywhere, every day.

Done. Agreed.

20. Watch a sunrise. See above.

Done. See above.

21. Go to a concert.

Done. 

22. Grow your own food.

Done but I'd really like to do more of this!

23. Finish high school. 

Done and once I got my PhD I stopped having nightmares about having to go back. Thank you PhD. #worthit

24. Write a letter to yourself. To be read in 10 years. That will be interesting.

Good idea! That WILL be interesting!

25. Think one positive thought every day before you get out of bed. 

Wait so since I've not been doing this is it too late? Why didn't someone tell me when I was first born that this was going to be something I was supposed to have done?! I'm a failure. What's the point of life.

26. Decide whether or not you want to have kids. Women reaching the ripe young age of 40 should have come to a conclusion by this point as to whether they want to be incorporating diaper changes, timeouts and acne as a part of their lives. And all the love and joy that comes with it.

Ahh the blissful ignorance of a woman in her early twenties thinking that you can just decide to have babies and make it happen. I sincerely hope you don't have to struggle with infertility. And that by the time you are my age you understand that it's not that simple for all of us. And thank you for calling me ripe.

27. Play in the snow. Build a snowman, go skiing, jump on a snow tube.

Done because I was a kid once in a place where we got at least 3 cm of snow at one time. Pretty sure that's all that's required.

28. Learn a foreign language. The more obscure, the better.

Depends - do I have to be fluent and is Spanish obscure?

29. Play the lottery.

Done and one time I won $4 - OH YEAH.

30. Go scuba diving or snorkeling. 

Done. I love snorkeling (in shallow water). It's awesome.  

31. Give yoga a try. Even if you just sit there and breathe through the whole class. You owe it to yourself.

Done. And the first time I did Bikram I basically did just sit there and breathe through the whole class. And I still sweated more than I ever sweated in my life. But I will say that in most yoga classes if you just sit there and breathe you aren't really going to get much out of it.

32. Quit a bad habit. Smoking, biting your nails, gossiping, texting while driving. Identify your worst habit and get rid of it.

Done! I actually quit smoking lots of times, so bonus points!

33. Vote. If you’ve never casted a ballot, get your butt to the voting booth! You don’t have to vote for the next president, but at least take part in the local elections. Come on already!

Done. And also "casted" has not been used since the 16th century. I lookeded it up.

34. Teach. Teach somebody, anybody, something, anything, new. Does that make sense?

Done. Does what make sense?

35. Work out.  Exercise those muscles at least once in your life. For your sake, I hope this is already a well-formed habit.

LOL. Waat.

36. Create something and sell it. 

This is an interesting idea. I've made lots of stuff but always given it away. Curious.

37. Replace your coffee with green tea.

I did that for a while but then I switched back to coffee then I switched to pu-erh. Better for my skin than coffee but worse for my teeth than green tea. But so delicious and caffeine-y.

38. Bake bread from scratch. 

Bread is really fun! I'd love to take another sourdough class. Maybe then we could get another sourdough starter and I wouldn't kill it.

39. Watch international news.

Like, once? Done.

40. Attend a festival. 

Done. I wish I could go to Merlefest some more. That was awesome. 

***

This was interesting, mostly because of what it tells me about expectations young women have about turning 40. I remember those days...

11 before 40 (study/quiz 5)

This list is another generic one, from Inc.com.

According to the article, the tasks below "are 11 things you've absolutely got to do before you turn 40. And if you're beyond 40 and haven't checked these off your bucket list just yet, it's definitely not too late to get started."

Not sure how "absolutely got to do before you turn 40" translates into "it's definitely not too late to get started" if you're over 40 but whatever. Here goes.

1. Shower in a waterfall 

"So many places around the world offer waterfall hikes. Take the trail on a hot day, and look forward to the refreshing reward at the end."

This sounds like a nice experience but this is not necessarily something I need to do before 40. Or maybe since I've already stood under a waterfall I've already done it? I'm confused by the whole "shower" concept. Like, do I need to bring shampoo and stuff or do you actually just mean stand under a waterfall? I need more details or less ambiguity.

2. Machu Picchu 

"There's nothing better than experiencing one of the most revered sites of Peru. Make a couple other stops in South America while you're on the continent. It may be a long time before you get back again."

Yes, I will definitely "make a couple other stops in South America" while there. What the hell, may as well hit Argentina while we're here, right y'all? Oh and I hear this new place BRAZIL is supposed to be the SHIT. Let's totally stop. I  mean, we're here, right? And I'm not 40 yet? Or maybe I am but that doesn't even matter? Yeah, TOTALLY.

3. Start something that lasts 

"Whether it's a business, a nonprofit, a community, or a product, make something that will hold your legacy even after you leave--that others will remember you for even when you're not around."

Because nothing you make after turning 40 matters to anyone. But don't give up. Surely someone somewhere gives a shit about you but don't expect them to actually come and spend time with you. That's what the legacy is for, idiot.

4. Float in the Dead Sea 

"Take a month off one summer to go to Europe, do some wandering in the Middle East, and swim in the Dead Sea. Just float, and let the salt do the work." 

You know what I love about my job? I told my boss that I needed to go to Europe and then wander around in the Middle East and float in the Dead Sea, "because what the hell I'm almost 40 and you expect me to take a long weekend and do float work in the Atlantic Ocean? I mean I work so hard is it so wrong to want the ocean to work a little, too?" And my boss was like, "totally you should definitely do that and don't worry about PTO and actually here's a bonus because what kind of rich asshole would be working here if she actually had enough money to go to Europe at the drop of a hat and float in the Middle East on a moment's notice? Have fun!" and I was like "Totally!" My job is awesome.

Just kidding I don't have a job. But great idea otherwise.

5. Find someone to mentor 

"Having someone to look up to is incredibly inspiring, but so is being able to pass down your wisdom to someone else. When you give your advice to others, it might even push you to realize many things about yourself."

Come sit on my knee children and listen to how much I will inspire you:

Stay in school. Don't gain 40 pounds right before reaching a major milestone birthday. Floss every day but even then you will have to have major dental work it is just a fact of life. Enjoy life but make sure you take advice from people who have jobs and are living their dreams. Good luck to you. My job is done.

You're right that felt good and I do realize lots more awesome things about myself. Thanks Inc.

6. New Year's Eve in Times Square 

"While it feels a bit overrated, there's sometimes great fun in doing touristic activities, especially in groups of people you love."

So I guess this list wasn't written with the panic-attack-suffering-social-anxiety expert in mind. Thanks anyway. I'm glad you have a huge group of people that you love that you can go do "touristic activities" with. Maybe you can also go fuck yourselves together, too.

7. Travel with one person you love 

"Although traveling in big groups or alone is fun, there's some unspeakable intimacy that forms from traveling with just one person you love. Embrace it, and seize the adventure, uncertainty, and excitement of everything to come."

Who are these people who only travel in groups? Is this a thing? I don't even remember going out with a group much less traveling with one. I'm getting confused.

8. Visit a different religious culture 

"Whether it's a cultural event in another country, or a religious service you haven't experienced in your own hometown, try something different. Visit a Buddhist temple, see a Catholic cathedral, enter a public prayer at a mosque. Be respectful, but open, and the experience will be enriching." 

Oh I love visiting religious cultures. My favorite time was going to Mount Shasta.

9. Visit your elementary school teacher

"Seeing people from your past can really show you just how much you've grown. Otherwise, you don't have anything to compare to."


10. Drink more tea--and try different kinds 

"You might be surprised by how much cutting out coffee changes your mood."

You are so right. When I learned I was allergic to coffee and stopped drinking it and getting those terrible rashes, I found that my mood really improved. Also, pu-erh is delicious.

11. Write a letter to yourself 

"Keep a time capsule of sorts for you to open up after you're at a totally different point in life. What you read might make you nostalgic--maybe even sad--but it'll definitely show you how much you've grown, and how beautiful you've become."

All snarkiness aside, this is actually a really good idea. In fact, I actually see this blog as a time capsule of sorts. As I approach 40 I've been trying to put some of my older blog entries and photos into a photo book and it's really been fun and also a little sad and happy. Just lots of feelings.

40 before 40 (study/quiz 4)

This list is originally from Land Lopers, a travel blog. It's a little advanced and unrealistic but I'm hoping there are a few ideas. I do like the brevity of the items on the list!

1.  Learn yoga. 

Done. I would like to set up a daily practice though.

2. Go on an epic solo journey. 

Although admirable, I'm not sure that's feasible at this point.

3. Speak at more conferences. 

I would love to go to more conferences, but I don't really have a place right now.

4. Learn basic automotive repair – change a tire, etc. 

That sounds like a great idea but again, not sure I'll have time before 40.

5. Pick up on my genealogical research to pursue my British roots.

Mom did more of this than I'd be able to do anyway! It's nice to know.

6. Go bungee jumping. (I’ve done bungee swinging.)

Interesting. I think I'll pass on this, but ziplining still sounds wonderful.

7. Learn basic sewing, so I can quickly attach a button. 

Done! I'd like to do more embroidery, though. Maybe some applique.

8. Fly in First Class. Not Business or Business/First, but a full-fledged First Class experience. 

My first flight was to Hawaii in first class thanks to my best friend's dad's traveling salesman frequent flyer points. I'm telling you, the trip home was rough.

9. Go to the North Pole. 

Ok, adorable travel blogger. :-)

10. Learn to play guitar. 

I'd rather just get more practice playing the piano!

11. Paddle in a Dragon Boat. 

My SF hair stylist's daughter was on a dragon boat team - it's not really my thing but she really liked it and apparently they have fun festivals.

12. Learn how to fold shirts. 

I think I fold them well enough - I mean, this isn't something I need to put on any sort of bucket list or anything.

13. Epic road trip across America. 

Done! Glad to see that one of the common items is something I've already done.

14. Attend Highland Games in the Scottish Highlands

Well, I went to the Scottish Games in Western NC many years ago, which wasn't Scotland but was pretty darn impressive.

15. Go camping. Not glamping or gamping but old fashioned camping.

Hmm, I had to look up gamping. I did not realize that was a thing. I would like to go camping but since I've been lots of times I'm not sure I need this on my list either.

16. Learn how to better use my camera.

Not sure I need this on my list, especially since camera phones are so good now! You hardly even need to know where to aim anymore.

17. Go paragliding off of Table Mountain. (or hang gliding anywhere)

I'm good. But I would actually like to go parasailing!!!

18. Start teaching blogging classes and/or giving tours.

I would like to spend more time developing my business/nonprofit idea.

19. Volunteer with a local charity.

Currently doing.

20. Take swimming lessons. I can swim, but not really effectively; I just splash around.

Swimming is fun - I'm happy with my current skill level.

21. Attend a major sporting event.

I went to a UNC football game in high school and a Braves game in graduate school and a Giants game in SF so I feel pretty good on my sporting event experiences.

22. Go to Machu Picchu.

This is on my life bucket list but I'm not going to get to this by 40.

23. Drive a racecar.

My mom and brother recently did the Nascar Experience and it sounds pretty awesome. Again, I think this is better suited to my life bucket list. I need to be more realistic about my 40 before 40.

24. Attend an epic festival or event (Mardi Gras, Holi, Running of the Bulls, etc.).

Bucket list or maybe on second thought I'm not a huge crowd person and I went to Pride in SF a few years so I might just let that count. It was pretty epic.

25. Learn a new language.

Well I already kind of know Spanish and a little bit German and a few words in French and since there's no way I'm going to master any of those by 40 I might just let that be enough, too.

26. Dress more fashionably, more put together.

The problem is that right now I don't fit into any of my clothes and I'm not interested in investing or financially able to invest in a new wardrobe. So I do the best with what I have and when I get a real job I'll buy more fashionable clothes to tide me over.

27. Hug a panda.

Ok, WHAT. IS THIS A THING? Oh my gosh it is because I just did a web search and it took me back to the Land Lopers blog and he actually did it he hugged a panda at Dujiangyan near Chengdu in China and I've always wanted to go to China so this will definitely be on my bucket list but I definitely won't make it before 40 but oh my gosh yes this is the thing for me to do.

28. Go skydiving.

Maybe a bucket list thing? Not sure. I have pretty weird feelings about this, if I'm honest, because this guy I was kind of dating many years ago broke up with me because I was too religious and didn't want to go skydiving with me which blew me away because we hadn't talked about skydiving once and I hadn't been to church in years at the time we dated. The whole thing put a sour taste in my mouth for skydiving and now literally every time I see skydiving in movies or on TV or the internet or someone just says the word I remember that, one of the more bizarre break-ups I've had. Not the most bizarre, mind you. But bizarre.

29. Learn how to make macarons in France.

I do not want to go to France again nor do I need to know how to make something else I'm not allowed to eat. Cool idea though!

30. See the Great Migration in Tanzania/Kenya

This is definitely a bucket list item. Someday. Not before 40.

31. Fly in a private plane.

I guess you don't mean a little plane. I mean, I kind of want to do this but it's not really that important to me.

32. Try SCUBA diving.

I tried it in the 5-feet deep pool during our honeymoon and I'm good. I get it. I still start to feel a panic attack coming on when I think about the time I was snorkeling and the shelf dropped off. I'm not interested in ever feeling that again ever.

33. Read 5 books I don’t want to read. (Moby Dick, War and Peace, etc)

Oh my god multiply that by a million and you'll get to the number of books I've read that I didn't want to over the course of my life. (Thank you dearest graduate school!) At this point I'm trying to find time to read the almost incalculable number of books that I DO want to read!

34. Sit on a beach in the South Pacific/French Polynesia.

YESYESYES BUCKET LIST BY 50 PERIOD DOT

35. Swim in Australia’s Great Barrier Reef.

Oh I hope he got to do this because it's dying.

36. Meet Dolly Parton.

This would be fun! I've heard she's super nice.

37. Write a book.

Question: do photo books count?

38. Play Baccarat in Monte Carlo while wearing a tux.

Not unless I can wire my winnings to my Swiss bank account. And I have determined that it's not possible for me to do this. So no thank you.

39. Visit remaining 9 U.S. states I haven’t been to.

Let's see - calculate the number of U.S. states I haven't been to? Go to one? I'm going to Colorado in June and I've never been there! Score!

40. See the Northern Lights.

Sigh - I would so like to do this. This is on my lifetime bucket list. I want to stay in the ice hotel but I'm definitely not doing that before 40 because the ice rooms don't open until November or so.

Ok I feel like I'm getting somewhere. I was a little worried that I would only have "Lose 40 pounds" and "Get a job" on my list and then feel like a total and abject failure if I don't accomplish both. I'm almost ready to make my list! Just a few more studies...

40 before 40 (study/quiz 3)

This list is originally from We Are Out of Ink. It is a personal list, not a suggestion list, so it's a little better but also a little more random. Not including his blurbs but you can see them on his blog post.

1. Rent a fancy sports car and drive along the coast for the day/weekend.

I drove up the Pacific Coast Highway with Mom from San Francisco to Newport Oregon, and it was incredible. I have also driven most of the way from LA up to San Simeon and from San Francisco down to Carmel-by-the-Sea. So that covers most of it. Actually, I would like to visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium. That's pretty different from the starting point of this guy's item though.

2. Swim with dolphins.

I've read that this is actually really bad for dolphins plus you know dolphins are so smart what if they start thinking "wasn't she going to lose weight or something? wth?" no, too much pressure. I'll just leave them alone to deal with their intelligent thoughts privately.

Seriously though, if you're considering it please read this article or any one of thousands more about it please. Because does this look like a nice job for dolphins to have?

From The Hill.

3. Go visit a psychic.

So this is an interesting one but I'm also a little scared. Sort of the same reason I avoid therapy. :-D

4. Watch a movie in the Hollywood cemetery.

OMG I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS A THING BUT IT IS CAN I PLEASE GO MOM CAN I I'LL BE REALLY GOOD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

No but seriously if I lived in LA I would literally go every week. Sorry Saturday night, you're taken from here to eternity. Did you know they have a photo booth, too? So yeah.

5. Sleep under the stars.

I've done this lots of times. I forgot to tell you I went to college in Asheville.

6. Do a 5K Mud run.

I just realized that the people who make lists like this are the same kinds of people who push themselves to accomplish meaningless feats of endurance/strength/insanity - I've noticed that it's a common theme among lists.


7. Serve the homeless at a soup kitchen.

I've made the soup several times but never actually served it. That's interesting to realize.

8. Donate blood.

i forgot to tell you how one time i tried to donate blood in high school and the guy must have been a trainee or a homicidal maniac off the street and he kept stabbing into my arm over and over and over again and finally they just gave me a cookie and told me i could go - i guess i could add it to my list but i'm not sure my veins could take it - when they take blood at the doctor's office it always takes a long time to find a vein and i've heard the needles are even bigger for donating not that i've given it much thought i'm just throwing this out there

9. Camp in the Grand Canyon and/or go white water rafting down the Grand Canyon.

Ooh now this sounds AWESOME!!!

10. Eat the worm in a tequila bottle.

WAIT WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY

11. Pick a hockey team and learn every player on the team.

Is this quiz still in English? What's happening?

12. Paint something.

I have been meaning to paint my office. That's an idea.

Although I'm starting to think maybe I should have started this list a little earlier. Maybe it will turn into a 4 before 40 list...

13. Go skinny dipping in the ocean.

Ok that sounds well and good but then I think about fish and how basically everything poops into the ocean and then I'm like no way. Yeah that's definitely not my cup of pee. Er, tea.

14. Learn how to edit video on Final Cut Pro.

Maybe there are some programs I could learn better than would help. I've been wanting to learn Raiser's Edge, for instance, but having a difficult time. Because no one I know has it so I can't access it.

15. Headstand in the middle of the room and stay for a minute.

This is a really good goal for people to set for themselves. Like, people who don't lose their balance in footstands.

16. Adopt something.

Question: do cats count?

17. See your mom’s house in Nevada.

Ok this one sounded a lot funnier that it was. It was literally his mom's house in Nevada and he literally hadn't seen it, so I'll have to find something else. Although I have also never seen his mom's house in Nevada.

18. Hot air balloon ride or zipline or bungee jump.

I have ridden in a hot air balloon but I haven't ziplined and always wanted to. This is an exciting idea!

19. Sit in “The Show” (the San Diego State student section) for an Aztecs men's basketball game.


What Lucille said. YES EVEN THOUGH YOU EXPLAINED IT.

20. Ride a helicopter somewhere special.

When I was in high school we rode a helicopter around Maui and I saw a circular double rainbow below us in a little valley filled with waterfalls. That was pretty special.

21. Hike to the top of Mt. Baldy.

Maybe I could just say "go on a backpacking trip"?

22. Go to a jazz concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

Probably this won't happen for me. Let's be honest. Although it looks like Herbie Hancock will be playing there on August 23rd which makes this a perfect time to Rockit a little bit.


23. Build my Twitter following to 1,000.

I think maybe an increase of 858 followers might be a little too ambitious.

24. Go zorbing.

Hmm. Thinking about it but not really. What the hell is the matter with people?


25. Milk a cow.

No.

26. Write my will.

Hmm. Now this is something I should be doing. And a surprisingly responsible item to be following zorbing and milking a cow...

27. Visit Hearst castle.

It was so worth the trip! Although they screened Citizen Kane there once and I really wanted to go (it was a few months before we visited in 2015). The only problem was that we went to the Castle for my birthday which is in September and the screening was in March. Oh and the tickets were $1000 each. Yes, three zeroes. Each.

28. Solve a Rubik’s cube.

I'd actually like to reach 40 without having a pointless nervous breakdown so I'll stick to easy sudoku.

29. Open a Swiss bank account.

The young gentleman did his research and found out you actually need lots of money to do this and frankly unless I can win millions of dollars at craps or poker or blackjack in Monte Carlo and then say "Just wire the winnings to my Swiss bank account, Jeeves," I'm not really sure it's worth it anyway.

29.1 Be an extra on a TV show or movie for a day.

This was our young gentleman's replacement item which I think might actually be more pie-in-the-sky for me than a Swiss bank account and yes I haven't forgotten that I'm unemployed.

30. Write a blog post that gets 5,000 hits.

I believe my current max is 60 hits. So again, this is not going to happen for me.

31. Walk the red carpet and attend a movie premiere.

I'm starting to think I'm missing out by not living in LA.

32. Attend a Cirque de Soleil show.

Done! Multiple times. Awesome. The best time was when I went with my husband for our anniversary the year he bought me tickets to see Kurios and I bought him tickets to see Capital Cities in Oakland. I got a Christmas tree ornament that we hang up every year and every time I hang it up I drag him down to fawn over it with me because I love him so much.

The worst time was when I went to see it with a guy who was mostly separated from his wife and he called his high school aged daughter in the middle of it to tell her that they picked the same guy from the audience as the night before so it was definitely scripted.

33. Hand out a $100 bill to a homeless person in need.

I can't even remember the last time I had a $100 bill. Probably some graduation or holiday. I could make a donation to an organization for homeless people though.

34. Ride a Segway.

Haha. I hope this isn't something I need to do before I turn 40. Or 100. If I EVER ride a segway it will be through Golden Gate Park and we will ride up to the front of all the things and listen in our headsets as some tour guide tells us what's in each of them but we won't actually go inside any of them because we can't bring Segways.

Actually, I'll probably just take a GoCar.

35. Attend a murder mystery dinner.

I did this in college and it was lots of fun, mostly because we got to dress up. I'd really like to do one of those Escape Rooms though! I only recently heard about them and I mean, it looks INCREDIBLE!!

36. Say the phrase “quick, follow that car” for a justifiable reason.

Too bad I didn't use it last weekend when my mother-in-law was in town with my brother-in-law and Mad and I followed Brandon and Collin to brunch. I'm optimistic that I'll be able to find another time to use it though!

37. Floss every day for 365 days straight.

I can't sleep if I haven't flossed. True story. Although I do suffer from insomnia so those might not be related.

38. No red meat for 365 days.

Not really necessary. I'm mostly vegetarian and was full-on vegetarian for more than a decade so I'm ready to let the red meat thing go. I have it like three times a year.

39. Obtain a copy of “The Sleepy Floyd Game” and it has to be the one with Greg Papa doing the play-by-play.


What Lucille said.

40. Pick something else to add to this list in the next 364 days.

I think I'm going to have to add more than one to bring it up to 40. This gives me a good head start, though!