Update 4: 400 B4 40

Whew! So it's been a while. Lots happened, including my awesome trip to SF, which I will write about later. In the meantime, though, here's an update on what I've been doing.

Forty Playlists:

I'm falling behind on these because they are really hard! I'm almost done with 1987-1990, which will bring me right into adolescence and grunge music, so that should be a breeze, right?!?!

Year 0: 1977
Year 1: 1978
Year 2: 1979
Year 3: 1980
Year 4: 1981
Year 5: 1982
Year 6: 1983
Year 7: 1984
Year 8: 1985
Year 9: 1986

Forty-ish Films:

1 (100): Ben-Hur
2 (99): Toy Story
3 (98): Yankee Doodle Dandy
4 (97): The Last Picture Show
5 (96): Do the Right Thing
6 (95): The Last Picture Show
7 (94): Pulp Fiction
8 (93): The French Connection
9 (92): Goodfellas

Forty Defining Experiences:

I have created a list of 21 experiences so far!

Forty Chores:

1 - repair paint on carl
2 - get NC license plate
3 - get ivy from trees
4 - remove dead weeds from walkway [I feel like I've done this a million times and they keep coming back. I think that's the nature of weeds, which makes me wonder if I should take this off the list...]
5 - trim azalea
6 - file all paperwork
7 - update blog background
8 - replace filter on cat fountain
9 - do something about the doors
10 - plant something?
11 - get a new passport (need to wait until after July)
12 - go to the eye doctor
13 - go to the lady doctor
14 - go to the dentist
15 - go to the dermatologist?
16 - find a real doctor
17 - cancel Foreign Affairs subscription
18 - update address at SFFCU and get new debit card
19 - hang plants from ceiling
20 - hang intentions board
21 - edit video footage of Louis from 2015
22 - edit video footage of Collin from 2016
23 - edit video footage of Devon from 2017
24 - renew library books and return books that can't be renewed anymore
25 - fix slow draining shower!!!
26 - Write May Minimalism Challenge blog entry
27 - edit video footage of Greer's wedding from 2017
28 - finish year 1 (SF) photo book! :-)
29 - photobook for Greer!
30 - take donations away from the house!
31 - oil change for Carl
32 - curtains for the bathroom
33 - make shed lockable

Forty Unbroken Chains:

I have been steadily accumulating stuff and feel certain I will be able to accumulate more.

Forty Letters:

Honestly I'm reconsidering writing these. I'll think about it more and if I change my mind I will explain why.

Forty Acts of Self-Love:

1 - 14 - I started doing Richard Hittleman's Yoga: 28 Day Exercise Plan. I'm on day 14, so I'm counting it as 14. :-)
15 - another sweet half hour in the massage chair while Collin got another haircut
16 - visited some of my wonderful friends in SF
17 - mani-pedi in SF!
18 - shiatsu massage with communal bathing at Kabuki Springs & Spa, which should really count as 50 self-care acts because it was so amazing and I'm so glad I didn't find it when we lived in SF or I would have spent all of my money there, which actually may not have been such a bad thing come to think of it :-)
19 - signed up for regular facials
20 - massage and facial at Massage Envy
21 - lots of foot soaking!
22 - facial steam
23 - haircut
24 - rainbow mani-pedi
25 - massage chair at Collin's haircut
26 - lying out in the sun on the porch reading Borne

Forty Job Applications:

I am currently working part-time as a companion and just finished my application to be a Lyft driver. I'm also in talks to finalize another part-time job opportunity, so I'm feeling slightly optimistic. I'm very thankful for the opportunity I've had to really focus on finding work that makes me happy, while also taking some time to get settled into our new life in Durham. I'm ready to be at work full-time, though. This gig economy is exhausting for real.

Forty Photos:

1983? (age 6?): I love this photo of me with my dear grandma Helen reading The Value of Understanding: the Story of Margaret Mead, which may have been responsible for me deciding to be a sociologist, not to be dramatic about it or anything...

I gave a print of this to my mom one Mother's Day and this year I got a print for myself too. It's hanging beside my computer screen so I see it whenever I am in my office and often look at it when I take my "space-out breaks" (not sure what they are actually called but I'm sure you know what I mean). It's very special to me.

Forty Haiku:

Five:

my motto of late:
suck it up and suck it in!
(not sure it's helping)

Six:

seagulls gathering -
in the twilight they sort through
abandoned memories.

Update 3: 400 B4 40

Before the specifics, I want to give a general update on stuff and things. I'll get into the details below. As you may have seen, Collin and I went to Colorado last week for my sister-in-law's wedding, which was beautiful. I saw a place that did ziplining but we didn't have a chance to do it.

I've been thinking about ziplining though, because I'm planning my 40 trip! I'm hoping that we can take a road trip to Key West. The only problems are 1) it's still really hot down there in September and 2) it's also hurricane season. So yeah, we're thinking about it. :-)

I've been really busy and noticing as usual that the first thing I let go of is the self-care. Urgh. But I'm going to SF in two weeks and that will be awesome. I'm not sure I'll be able to get healthy before 40, at least not as healthy as I would have liked, but I can definitely improve, so that's something to look forward to.

So. Updates.

Forty Playlists:

Oh my gosh it's getting so hard to make these mixes! Somehow I managed to cut 1983 from 5 hours to 1.5 but whew it was tough. 1984 started as over 6 hours!! I was just deleting like crazy - I can't even remember what I deleted honestly. It's all a blur. But not Blur. They didn't form until 1988. So far I am thinking this is my favorite "before 40" activity!

Year 0: 1977
Year 1: 1978
Year 2: 1979
Year 3: 1980
Year 4: 1981
Year 5: 1982
Year 6: 1983
Year 7: 1984

Forty-ish Films:

Still not making much progress on getting through the top 100 or even the 40ish I haven't seen yet. I brought the DVDs with me to Colorado but it has been really busy lately, and it's hard to watch movies while making playlists. :-)

1 (100): Ben-Hur
2 (99): Toy Story
3 (98): Yankee Doodle Dandy

Forty Defining Experiences:

Still thinking, but not as much. At least I'm being honest about it!

Forty Chores:

The list keeps growing but that's ok.

1 - repair paint on carl
2 - get NC license plate
3 - get ivy from trees
4 - remove dead weeds from walkway [I feel like I've done this a million times and they keep coming back. I think that's the nature of weeds, which makes me wonder if I should take this off the list...]
5 - trim azalea
6 - file all paperwork
7 - update blog background
8 - replace filter on cat fountain
9 - do something about the doors
10 - plant something?
11 - get a new passport (need to wait until after July)
12 - go to the eye doctor
13 - go to the lady doctor
14 - go to the dentist
15 - go to the dermatologist?
16 - find a real doctor
17 - cancel Foreign Affairs subscription
18 - update address at SFFCU and get new debit card
19 - hang plants from ceiling
20 - hang intentions board
21 - edit video footage of Louis from 2015
22 - edit video footage of Collin from 2016
23 - edit video footage of Devon from 2017
24 - renew library books and return books that can't be renewed anymore
25 - fix slow draining shower!!!
26 - Write May Minimalism Challenge blog entry
27 - edit video footage of Greer's wedding from 2017
28 - finish year 1 (SF) photo book! :-)
29 - photobook for Greer!
30 - take donations away from the house!
31 - clear out cardboard boxes from downstairs

Forty Unbroken Chains:

My previously gathered things are getting lonely. 

Forty Letters:

Hmm, need to do...

Forty Acts of Self-Love:

1 - facial steam (today)
2 - haircut
3 - rainbow mani-pedi
4 - massage chair at Collin's haircut
5 - lying out in the sun on the porch reading Borne

Forty Job Applications:

Ay caramba, I don't know how many I've done so far but I had two interviews in the past week (same place) so that feels pretty great!

Forty Photos:

2002 (age 25): Reynoldstown, Atlanta, getting ready for a Halloween party in the apartment I shared with my friend from college (the one dressed as Maggie the Cat) and her friend (not pictured). This was right around the time I started dating Collin (the first time). By the next Halloween my friend and I had "broken up" and so had Collin and I. 

2003 (age 25): Spain with Mom to visit Baxter, who was studying abroad. I love this photo. It was taken by mom in the beautiful Atocha Train Station in Madrid, less than a year before the bomb attacks here.

2005 (age 27): Surrey (England) with Mom, who was doing some consulting work there. I studied for my prelim in Social Movements while she was working and had shortbread and tea with milk every morning for breakfast. We went for a long walk on some of the walking trails around there and found this neighborhood pub, where a barman named James served me a delicious "bitter" with a smile. Also that was my Power Puff Girls watch, which I miss.

Forty Haiku:

No new ones!

Playlist! YEAR 2: 1979

1979 was also harder than I expected. I fear this is only going to get more difficult. Kind of like life I guess. But I'm happy about this list, not only because it represents the year Baxter entered the scene, and not only because it is the last year before the 80s, and not only because of the awesome progression for tracks 11-13, but because of all of those things.

And because my intention was to finish the 70s today and yes it's 11:30 pm but I've finished the shit out of the 70s, thank you very much.

Link / Year 2: 1979*

Track Listing:

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough - Michael Jackson
Good Times - Chic
We Are Family - Sister Sledge (WELCOME TO THE WORLD BAXTER)
Don't Bring Me Down - ELO
Fool in the Rain - Led Zeppelin
Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
Dance the Night Away - Van Halen
Cars - Gary Numan
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' - Journey
Making Plans for Nigel - XTC
Message in a Bottle - The Police
A Message to You Rudy - The Specials
Rudie Can't Fail - The Clash
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) - Rupert Holmes
What a Fool Believes - The Doobie Brothers
Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp
Lady - Little River Band
Nobody Home - Pink Floyd
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Heart of Glass - Blondie
Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles
Rapper's Delight - The Sugarhill Gang


*By the way, you may have to have a subscription to Apple Music to listen to this. You will almost certainly need iTunes and an Apple ID. If you'd rather I make you an actual mixtape, just remember that it's 2017 not 1977.

thanks xoxo

Update 1: 400 B4 40

Forty Playlists:

One down, one almost down, one kind-of down, 37 to go!

Forty-ish Films:

Three down, 97 to go and having a great time! I've watched Ben-Hur, Toy Story, and Yankee Doodle Dandy.

Forty Defining Experiences:

I haven't started this but I've been thinking about it.

Forty Chores:

I have a list of 17 chores and I've done three of them. I'm actually not sure I'll be able to get forty but I'll keep at it - they do seem to just keep coming at me:

repair paint on carl
get ivy from trees
remove dead weeds from walkway
trim azalea
file all paperwork
update blog background
replace filter on cat fountain
do something about the doors
plant something?
get a new passport
go to the eye doctor
go to the lady doctor
go to the dentist
go to the dermatologist?
find a real doctor
cancel Foreign Affairs subscription
update address at SFFCU and get new debit card

Forty Unbroken Chains:

Looking forward to this! It's getting to the point where I'll need to add "Write about May Minimalism Challenge on my blog" to the list of chores. 

Forty Letters:

I have thought about this and went to buy some stationery but then got distracted because Emily McDowell was having a sale and then got distracted by the fact that my debit card had expired and this reminds me that I still haven't gotten the stationery. Actually - I went back and got it so thanks for the reminder. I am resisting the urge to add buy stationery to the list in order to cross it out. I was unable to resist adding the debit card chore because that actually took several phone calls and about half an hour, for some reason.

Forty Acts of Self-Love:

Yesterday I went out in a bathing suit of sorts and laid out in the sunshine and shade listening to the birds and reading my book. This was great and Guiness liked it too, since she's always trying to get us to come outside. I also started a pedicure but didn't finish so I'll try to finish today. Oh, and yesterday I took Collin to his hair appointment and they have massage chairs so I let myself drink a beer and enjoy a massage chair for about half an hour which was really nice and relaxing. I also have other plans so I'm happy about this category. At the very least, this commitment has served to remind me, at times when I can choose to do a self-care/self-love act or not to do one, that I should do it. And that's been nice.

Forty Job Applications:

I have found 14 jobs that I will apply for this week! Very excited. They are not all dream jobs and honestly a couple of them don't even look like good jobs so that number might shrink by the time I do the applications, but I'm happy about my start.

Forty Photos:

Well I found one. Fourth grade. Adorable! That was one of my favorite school photo outfits.

Forty Haiku:

One:

approaching forty

so much has been accomplished

so much left to do

Two:

a lifetime of joy
is not realistic - i'll take
a lifetime of love 

AFI Top 100: Ben-Hur (#100 in 2007; #72 in 1998) (so many spoilers)

Ben-Hur was released in 1959 and people thought it was pretty good. It won 11 Academy Awards (out of 12 nominated), which is still a record, although it's now tied with Titanic (14 nominated) and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (11 nominated). Although it was not the highest grossing film in history at the time, it was the second highest, after Gone with the Wind. Which was good for the studio, since it had the largest budget of any film yet made ($125 million adjusted for inflation) and the largest sets. The Director was also paid the highest base salary ($350k in 1958 dollars) plus bonuses. This film was so epic that although they used miniatures to film the sea battles, I'm sure they were the biggest miniatures ever used. And the musical score is still the longest ever composed.

Oh and it has a chariot race scene that people kind of like. Which is good because it took 5 weeks spread over 3 months to film it. Yes, the one scene. And no this doesn't count the months of practice that the actors had to do to be able to drive the chariots, or the building of the second identical track where the horses and riders could practice. So yes, it did require sacrifices and hard work, but no one died during filming it, which is a commonly-repeated urban legend. However, the son of one of the scene's directors, Charleton Heston's stunt double, was in a really bad accident that could have been fatal but luckily he only received minor injuries. The accident was in the final cut but they cut in a close up of Heston climbing back into the chariot afterwards [whew].

The horses in this scene though. Amazing.

This movie really is epic. From the acting, to the directing and cinematography, to the music and the extras... It's really amazing to think how many people worked so hard to make this thing happen. But it's not just huge things, it's little things, too. For instance, I noticed was that most of the Romans had British accents in contrast to most of the Jews. Turns out that was intentional. According to Wikipedia, Director William Wyler "typically cast the Romans with British actors and the Jews with American actors to help underscore the divide between the two groups. The Romans were the aristocrats in the film, and Wyler believed that American audiences would interpret British accents as patrician." Directors are clever. I love how decisions they make, that audiences might not ever notice, still have an impact on how the audience perceives the film. 

Like how they never showed Jesus' face. It's interesting how Jesus is so crucial to the story but he's portrayed almost as an extra. Of course you always know it's him because his hair is always beautifully brushed and people always stop and stare at his face for a long time, which is interesting because as I mentioned, his face is never shown to us.

See? It's so obvious which one is Jesus even from the back.

In all seriousness, though, Ben-Hur is a film that has been impressive for 55+ years and will certainly be so for many more, so in one sense it's timeless. At the same time, it is definitely a film of its time (1959) based on a book of its time (1890). For instance, who can forget Sheik Ilderim (played in brownface by actor Hugh Griffith, who won an Oscar for his portrayal) joking to Ben-Hur when he mentioned in an offhand way that he might like to find a wife: "One wife? One God, that I can understand - but one wife! That is not civilized. It is not generous."

I don't even know how many wives I have! LOL!

I was also amazed at how upwardly mobile Ben-Hur was during his enslavement. He starts as a slave dying of thirst in the desert, but ends up a Roman noble, or something like it.

As a galley slave, his new master Quintus Arrius whipped him; when he flinched and stopped himself from lunging forward Arrius was pleased: "You have the spirit to fight back but the good sense to control it. Your eyes are full of hate, Forty-One. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength."

I'M TALKING AT YOU, 41!

And then after a few things happen - like QA leaving BH unchained before a battle and BH saving QA during the battle and QA winning the battle by luck/chance even though everyone else died - and QA is like, woah I love this dude. So he adopts him. Because really, I'm sure every slave's biggest hope and dream is that their owner/master will claim them as an heir in front of all their rich friends. 

Hey everybody! I'm giving all my property to this guy as long as he doesn't mind remaining my property. Because that's true love. I'm even going to change his name from Number 41 to my name. Because that's true love. Who cares what his real name is, anyway? Now eat more food cooked by my cooking slaves and watch my dance slaves dance for you. Aren't they fun?!

Speaking of true love, BH and Messala have a very interesting relationship. They appear to have a really strong bond. I'm not trying to say men can't be friends, but you just don't see many men doing champagne toasts with arms intertwined these days, for better or for worse. 

#brotime

It's always made me a little sad to see how representations of straight men in the 50s in America showed more expressiveness, since I also know that at this time actual homosexual feelings were always hidden. Now that it's more acceptable to be gay, straight men seem to avoid showing affection so their emotions don't threaten their straight masculinity. 

In The Celluloid Closet, Gore Vidal explained that he coached the guy playing Messala that their relationship should have homosexual elements and that he should act like a spurned lover to justify the vindictiveness that comes out throughout the latter part of the film. Of course, Wyler and Heston were both like, "Hey, no, totally no homoerotic stuff here!" so I guess, you know, typical straight guy bro-lationship. (Even that word "homoerotic" makes it seem like men that express emotions with one other is somehow a significant departure from "normal" behavior. It's especially sad to me because my "homoerotic" relationships with women have been so important in allowing me to define who I am - to think about hiding the love and affection and companionship I felt with them over my lifetime is just really sad. Of course the reason I can show this affection is not unrelated to the fact that it's fetishized by straight men, but I'm getting off topic here.)

All in all, I'm really glad I watched this movie. I would definitely watch it again if I find myself with 4 hours and nothing to do. 

Or I might just rewatch the chariot race scene.

Ben-Hur (1959) Chariot Race by mariusangol
You're welcome. :-)

PS -- There were several sequences when Ben-Hur was in the galley (which looks like really difficult work and not very fun to get whipped obvs) but I couldn't help but think about how nice it would be to have a personal drummer when I do the rowing machine. That would really be useful to keep me going. I can't see working on a galley and then having to go make sandwiches 5 minutes into it or feed the cats - sure it has nothing to do with me not wanting to exercise, it's just you know the cats are clearly starving to death you know - the only downside I can see (aside from being enslaved and having to go down with the ship when it is rammed or catches on fire because I'm chained to my post) is that forever after hearing a good beat must cause your PTSD to flare up. That would make going to the club unbearable. But as I approach 40 I find that going to the club is already pretty unbearable so basically let me know if you want to be my personal workout drummer ok thx

40 Before 40 (study/quiz 7)

This list is originally from Insider. I'm not going to respond to each of the items below individually because so many of my reactions are just "wtf" or "gtfo" or "sounds awesome oh right, i forgot i'm not a millionaire" or "sounds like a terrible idea". Of the good ideas, most are "Good Idea!I'll show you what I mean.

"sounds awesome oh right, i forgot i'm not a millionaire"

1. Celebrate New Year's Eve in a foreign city. (Oh! I've done this anyway so I guess you don't have to be a millionaire!)

3. Splurge on a meal at The French Laundry in California, or another three-star Michelin restaurant.

5. Dress up for opening night and see a performance at one of the world's famous opera houses, like the Met in New York or La Scala in Milan.

11. Travel across Europe by train on the elegant Venice-Simplon Orient Express.

20. Go on a spiritual journey, whether it's an ashram in India, the Western Wall in Jerusalem, or St. Peter's in Vatican City.

25. Treat yourself to an expensive accessory, like a Rolex watch or a Chanel bag.

26. Gamble big and sit at the high-rollers table at a casino in Las Vegas.

28. Ski in the French Alps or some other far-flung destination.

31. Go yachting in Monaco or Saint-Tropez, France.

33. Buy an extravagant gift for someone else.

36. Eat grilled steak at a parillada in Argentina or a churrascaria in Brazil.

"sounds like a terrible idea" or "yawn"

2. Challenge yourself to complete something that seems impossible. Compete in the Ironman Triathlon, climb a mountain, or finish a 100-mile race.

9. Play a round of golf at Pebble Beach Golf Links in California or Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia, considered to be some of the best golf courses in America.

12. Sit courtside at a basketball game and cheer on your team.

13. Quit a job.

34. Drastically reinvent your look at least once.


"gtfo"

29. Learn five good wine and cheese pairings.

30. Sleep outdoors without sacrificing luxury at a "glamping" accommodation, like Montana's Resort at Paws Up.


"good idea! I've already done this"

4. Prepare food at a soup kitchen or volunteer your time in another way to help others.

10. Go skinny-dipping.

14. Buy a piece of art you're proud to display.

15. Drive down California's Pacific Coast Highway or the Great Ocean Road in southern Australia.

27. Perfect at least one dish — even if you're not a skilled cook.

32. Learn something new. Take a pilot lesson, learn a new language, or get certified in a new sport, like scuba diving.

37. Go on a solo trip.

38. Take on a leadership position.

39. Break a bad habit.

40. Go wine tasting in Italy's Tuscany region, France's Champagne area, or another region that's famous for its wine.

"wtf" and also "gtfo" and also "sounds awesome oh right, i forgot i'm not a millionaire*"

7. Go on safari in Africa (*if you're talking about a photo safari)

That leaves the following:

6. Meet a hero (Done! Unless we aren't counting our parents which seems mean.)

8. Enjoy a really amazing $100 bottle of wine without thinking about the price tag (sounds good except by definition*)

22. Stay at the Four Seasons, or another luxury hotel, on a whim (sounds good except by definition*)

* how can you make a point of ordering a $100 bottle of wine "without thinking about the price tag" or make a point of staying a luxury hotel but do it on a whim?

16. Do something good for someone who doesn't know who you are (Good idea! Have I done this?)

17. See Madonna, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, or another iconic artist perform live (I appreciate the sentiment but iconic is a pretty vague term: do Beck, Phish, Tori Amos, or Parliament count?)

18. Read every book by a favorite author (Good idea! Have I done this?)

19. Return the favor and take your parents out for a nice dinner (Just once?)

21. Mentor a young person in your profession (I'll commit to a profession first then maybe)

23. Donate 5% of your earnings to a charity each year (Good idea! What's 5% of $0?)

24. Bungee jump, sky dive, go white-water rafting, or do something to get your adrenaline pumping (Ziplining!!)

35. Get in the best shape of your life (Unfortunately I have a little more than 3 months and I'm not sure that will be enough time...)

Looking at all these 40 before 40 lists is starting to make me nervous or angry or often both but sometimes excited. 

30 before 40 (study/quiz 6)

This list is originally from supermoney. It's a generic list but with more realistic "suggestions"/orders.

1. Learn a foreign language

I kind of did this already - Spanish and German. I think I basically got to the point where I need to live in Madrid or Berlin (or both!) for a few years to really master them. I mean seriously, how expensive can that be? Oh wait, I only have 104 days. Well maybe by 42.

2. Travel abroad

Done! I've been to Spain (NOT LONG ENOUGH) and England and France and Germany (NOT LONG ENOUGH) and Canada and Mexico. I'd like to go more places but I've got a pretty good start I think! :-)

3. Dye your hair

Done! I was actually proud of myself when I stopped dying my hair! Of course now I'm considering taking it up again - maybe just this once...

4. Take a class in something weird

Let's see, I took silk painting with mom once and that was awesome. I took improv which is weird to some people. I took a sourdough class with collin which was really fun. I took Tai Chi in college which was memorable. I also have a bunch of classes checked/circled in the Durham Arts Council catalog - maybe I should take one of those!

5. Test drive a fabulous car

Once I rented an Infiniti G35 for the weekend (accidental upgrade thank-you-very-much) which was pretty sweet. I like the idea of driving a race car better than test-driving a car I can't afford to buy. 

6. Write a letter to yourself or your future children

Again, this is a good idea and I will definitely add this to my list!

7. Become a regular at a Capoeira or Zumba class

Once I was walking down Kalakaua Avenue in Waikiki and found myself behind this group of folks in Capoeira abadas and every single one of them had the single greatest ass I've ever seen in my entire life. I would love to be a regular in a Capoeira class but I'm thinking Tai Chi might be more my speed. Literally. 

8. Live/work/volunteer on a farm

Oooh! That sounds like something I really wish I would have done before I got too fat and tired. :-) I guess it's still not too late to volunteer every once in awhile. Maybe I'll find a nice tomato farm...

9. Sing/dance/speak/act in front of a large group of people

Done! Improv! I also did theatre in high school and community theatre when I was a kid. 

10. Break one bad habit

I thought I had broken my habit of biting my nails but that seems to have reemerged as I've gotten closer to 40...

11. Send someone a handwritten card or letter

Done. So many times. I regret that this has gone out of fashion. 

12. Become a mentor to someone

Not sure anyone wants or needs my advice...

13. Take a road trip

Mom and I have taken a few awesome road trips. Key West with Richard and Isaac, San Francisco to Portland, and San Francisco to Asheboro, NC. I think one could always take more road trips, especially with those they love. It's a great experience.

14. Grow a salad for dinner

Bucket List! I just worry that I've gotten too old to learn how to grow vegetables. Is there such a thing?

15. Have a green smoothie

LOL - so many times. I did live in San Francisco for 5 years, y'all.

16. Watch the movie “This is 40”

Ugh. Reluctantly added to Netflix DVD queue.

17. Forgive an old foe

Forgiven I guess, since I can't remember any old foes. Except that one, and you don't mean her, do you? Surely not.

18. Buy something expensive for yourself

Does a PhD count? I mean I had to work for it sure, but it wasn't cheap either. 

19. Tell your friends and family you love them

What kind of person gets to 40 without doing this? Or am I supposed to call everyone I love the night before just in case I actually disintegrate or forget who I am? 

20. Do something you’re afraid of

This is very general. Everyone has probably done something that scares them, right? Performing improv was scary every time, even the rehearsals, so I guess that counts. I also snorkeled and had a panic attack when I swam over the edge of the shelf. That was scary as shit. Oh, and I got a PhD. Scary. So I guess this one is covered. Although I still think ziplining might be appropriate.

21. Watch a documentary on an issue you don’t understand

Done. But now I understand it. Love documentaries. Wish there was one about turning 40. I did a search and found one that was in French. All the answers, right in front of me but so far away...

22. Do a house sit

Like in the Holiday! Sounds awesome! But no. 

23. Learn how to create a fancy dessert at home

I did recently go through all of my recipes and I have a couple that would be very interesting to try. I mean, I am trying to lose weight before 40 but if it's required by my bucket list who am I do deny myself?

24. Clean out the attic and basement

Since both are crawl spaces and inaccessible to normal-sized humans this is unnecessary. thank god.

25. Volunteer at a hospital or retirement home

Does a Senior Center count? Then done.

26. Go skinny dipping (in the moonlight if possible)

Again with the skinny-dipping! Technically done and definitely in the moonlight. Who goes skinny-dipping in the middle of the day? Although it would be a great way to avoid those pesky tan lines. 

27. Go camping by yourself

I would like to do this. This is a good activity. This scares me and also is something I've wanted to do for a long time. This might make the list. Although I might actually do it in the back yard.

28. Attend service at a house of worship of a religion you’re not familiar with

Done - I converted to Episcopalianism which required me to start going to an Episcopal church which was really weird and awesome at first. I would also like to try a Quaker meeting. I know that said religion and all of these are Christian but I would feel weird going to a place of worship for "THE EXPERIENCE MAN" - that doesn't seem respectful to me.

29. Watch a silent film

Done! I'll watch a lot more by the time I turn 40, too, since I think I'm going to try to watch the AFI Top 100 by then!

30. Swim in the ocean

Done! I can't imagine life without having floated around in the ocean, being pushed and pulled by the tide and feeling little fish swim in and out and I can't imagine never having seen the little crabs and things finding their hiding places and without having stood and watched the waves come in and go out and feeling my feet sink deeper and deeper into the sand until they are covered and then stepping back out and I'm like 6 inches taller.

I need to go to the beach soon. I miss it.

I especially like the way this article closes: 

"This is just a basic list to get you warmed up. Think about your life, your dreams, your goals—what keeps getting pushed back, what do you still really want to do? What’s important? Make time for the things that matter."

Good advice.

20 before 40 (study/quiz 2)

This list is originally from Relevant. I wasn't going to include the blurbs they posted but on second thought they seem relevant. LOL I'M SO CLEVER MUST BE COZ I'M ALMOST 40

1. Read the Entire Bible Cover-to-Cover

"Reading the Bible from front to back may sound like a daunting task, but with read the Bible in year resources like the YouVersion app, it’s a manageable goal. Even though you may have already read most of scripture throughout the course of your life, reading it as a linear narrative, one book at a time, gives you a new perspective on the story of the Gospel."

No way in hell. LOL.

2. See Your Favorite Band Live at Least Once

"One day, you’ll want to tell your kids, friends or family about that time you drove all night to see U2 play a stadium in Chicago, found tickets to a sold-out Sufjan Stevens show at a small venue in your hometown or saw Sigur Ros under the stars at an amphitheater. Concert tickets can be expensive, but it's worth it to see a great band live."

The only band I wish I could see that I haven't yet (except for the Dead who are no longer touring RIP Jerry) is Calexico. So I could do that. Although I feel like maybe I already have too many stories about seeing my favorite bands live and nobody really wants to hear any more of them anyway.

Oh by the way did I tell you how I've seen Sufjan Stevens three times and once in a club so small I was like 10 feet away from him and he just had a poster and a guitar and he was so amazing that I fell in love with him and when I left it was like we broke up? 

Oh or the time I saw Ani Difranco in a tiny club on Valentine's Day and she passed out the Valentine's Day streusel her partner sent her in the mail?

Or how when I saw Neko Case and she sang a cover of a Magnetic Fields song I literally wanted to die I was so happy?

Should I tell you more stories? 

Also I don't have kids so thanks for also rubbing that in.

3. Run a Marathon (or Some Kind of Endurance Race)

"No matter what your current fitness level is, there are lots of options for you to take part in an endurance race. Whether it’s a 5K, Tough Mudder or a full-length marathon, choose a distance you’ll actually have to train for a few months to complete. Part of the joy of the accomplishment is looking back at all of the hard work you put in."

DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL QUIZ

4. Watch Every Film on the AFI Top 100

"Back in 1998, the American Film Institute polled 1,500 leaders in the film community and asked them to help assemble the top 100 American movies ever made. The list (which was updated in 2007) contains some movies that you’ve probably already seen (like Rocky, Forest Gump, Star Wars and Jaws) but its the deeper cuts (like Rear Window, Stagecoach, Duck Soupand All Quiet on the Western Front) showcasing the evolution of filmmaking and American pop culture, that make the task of watching each film such a rich experience."

This has been a dream of mine but I'm not sure I'll be able to see all of them. I will post a follow-up discussing the feasibility of such a mini-adventure.

Also, REAR WINDOW IS NOT A DEEP CUT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ANYWAY

5. Pick a Country and Go Visit

"Before you turn 40, pick at least one country that you’ve always wanted to visit, and make it happen. Create a plan to save a little money and store up some vacation time to go to the one place you’ve always wanted to see." 

I want to go to Fiji but the problem is that I don't so much have a job right now so taking a whirlwind trip across the world and staying in a little hut over the water may be slightly out of our price range right now. But thanks for the bizarrely general and price-insensitive suggestion quiz.

Just kidding. No sour grapes here. In fact, why don't I just buy Fiji? How much could it cost, anyway? 10 million jillion dollars? It's way out in the middle of nowhere, right? I'm sure I'll get enough money before I turn 40. It's all about making it happen in the end. I'm envisioning success and 1 million billion dollars in my pocket. Let's make a deal, Fiji. [eye roll]

6. Speak a Second Language

"If you are picking a country to go visit, why not try to also learn the language spoken there?"

Obvs.

7. Write Letters to the Five People Who Have Most Impacted Your Life

"Don’t make the mistake of not telling the important people in your life how much they’ve impacted you. Even if the letters are short, sometime before you turn 40, think of the five people who have helped shape you as an adult, and let them know what they’ve meant to you."

This is pretty good but since I have four parents and one spouse and five siblings how would I choose? This is dumb. I'm unhappy.

8. Watch Every Season of a Few Great TV Shows

"We are living in a golden age of television, in which critically acclaimed shows are the new Great American Novels. Pick out a few of the shows that will be remembered for making serialized TV important again, and watch them in their entirety. Marathon through a series like Arrested Development, The Walking Dead, The Wire or Breaking Bad, and see how the medium of television was reinvented in your generation."

Ok, well since I've seen all of the seasons of all of the shows you've listed I'm counting this one as done. Also, since you didn't mention Battlestar Galactica or Firefly (IN ONE SHORT SEASON THAT SHOW WAS BETTER THAN ALL THE REST OF TV COMBINED), you're dead to me.

Oh, but there is one season of Bob's Burgers I haven't seen yet. And since Fox is a jerk who pulled it off Netflix I'm going to have to buy it on iTunes I guess unless I just don't add this to my list I mean it's good but it's the principle of the thing, you know, and no before you ask I'm not subscribing to hulu just to get one season of Bob's Burgers PLEASE.

9. Give Away Something Really Expensive

"Before you turn 40, you should know the feeling of giving something away that costs a lot of money. Maybe you pool money with a couple of friends to buy a car for a single mom in need. Maybe it’s plane tickets for friend to go on a mission trip. Maybe it’s a bunch of really nice Christmas presents for kids who wouldn’t get any otherwise. At some point in your twenties or thirties, make it your personal goal to save enough money to give someone else something amazing."

You know we ended up giving our landlord in San Francisco almost $100K over the course of 2.5 years so I'm counting that. Also, we lived in San Francisco 5 years and if you notice, that was just the amount we gave to ONE of them. If you don't like it, eat a dick. I'm getting annoyed with this quiz.

10. Make Amends With Any 'Enemies'

"Once you hit your late twenties, you are officially too old to still harbor bitterness toward anyone else. Before you hit 40, make an effort to make amends with anyone in your life that you have any ill feeling toward. As Christians, there’s no excuse to carry unforgiveness—especially through adulthood."

Oh, ok. I see now. This is a Christian List. Technically I'm Christian but I'm starting to think this quiz does not accurately reflect my faith. 

Also, what's this about late twenties? I'm 39, assshit.

Maybe I need to make peace with the author of this quiz because he's definitely my new "enemy."

11. Apply for Your Dream Job

"Don’t look back later in life with regret, wondering what could have been. Even if you don’t think you’re qualified for the job you’ve always dreamed of, at some point in your twenties or thirties, apply for the job you've always wanted. It may not lead to any dramatic career choice, but unless you give it a shot, you will never know."

Done. I didn't get it. Next. 

12. Take the Stage. Alone

"Preach a sermon. Try stand-up comedy. Deliver a TED-like lecture. Find an opportunity to be alone on a stage in front of a crowd with nothing to move them but a microphone and your own thoughts. Public speaking can be terrifying—but it can also be exhilarating ."

I have wanted to take stand-up comedy classes but I settled on improv, which I did for 2.5 years. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU, QUIZ?!?!? Besides, I've given tons of presentations and taught 8 college classes on my own WHEN WILL YOUR DEMANDS ON MY SOUL END

13. Go on a Road Trip of at Least a Thousand Miles

"There’s something philosophical that happens when you’re on the road for more than 15 hours, exploring America through highways and interstates. Just consult the work of Jack Kerouac and you’ll see that the journey isn’t about the destination—it’s about the road trip."

I just drove across the country with my mom when we moved from SF to NC. Thank you for your insight into what happens when I'm on the road for more than 15 hours. Who is this Jack Kerouac. He must be one of the deeper cuts of the beat generation.

Trying. So. Hard. To. Remain. Calm.

Although that reminds me of Carlos Castaneda. Maybe I should add eating peyote to this list. 

Actually, I should probably have eaten peyote before reading this list.

14. Write a Short Story

"Everyone has a good story in them. Take the time to craft at least one good short story at some point in your twenties or thirties. You don’t ever have to publish it or even share it with anyone else, but it’s an exercise of self-analysis that everyone should go through at least once."

I have written lots of short stories but most of them got lost when my motherboard became an hero. Thanks for the mammories. Although maybe I should write another one. It can be about this fucking quiz and how it made me go all the way to San Francisco to cannonball off the Golden Gate Bridge. 

15. Go On a Mission/Humanitarian Aid Trip

"Sure, sometimes “short-term mission trips” have been criticized for offering short-term solutions to long-term needs, but if you find the right destination and the right cause, it can be a life-changing experience. But remember, the point of a trip isn’t to teach others about what you know—it’s also about allowing them to teach you from what they have been through."

I'll bet I could learn a lot from the Others who live in Fiji. And also, I get it with the scare-quotes around short-term mission trip. I'll plan on staying at least a year and a half. Is that not-short-term enough?

16. Learn to Play an Instrument

"Grab that old guitar sitting in the attic, pick up a harmonic or go ahead and purchase that drum set you’ve always wanted. Who knows? Maybe you even a have a hidden talent that’s just waiting to be discovered."

Great. Done. Although there are no old guitars sitting in our attic fwiw and also I'm pretty sure drum sets don't make great impulse buys. I'll be sure and ask my husband, after I "go ahead and purchase" one of course. I wouldn't want to miss out on discovering I have a hidden talent.

And WHAT THE FUCK IS A HARMONIC. Seriously. I'm losing it.

17. Find a Mentor and a Mentee

"You’re never too old to learn from someone older than you—and to teach someone younger."

One question: do cats count?

18. Memorize the Lord’s Prayer, the Apostle’s Creed, the Great Commission and the Beatitudes

"By memorizing these relatively short items, you’ll be able to recite four key principles of Christian faith—how to pray (the Lord’s Prayer), your calling (the Great Commission), the teachings of the Gospel (the Apostle’s Creed) and how to live (the Beatitudes)."

I need to meditate.

19. Face Your Fear

"Whether it’s public speaking, an aversion to water, the fear of rejection or a dislike of flying, you don’t have to totally conquer your fears in your twenties or thirties, but you should face them. Sign up for swimming lessons, go to Toast Masters or even seek counseling. Taking steps to control your fear as an adult will make sure it doesn’t have to control you."

[deeeeeeeeeeep breath] 

my fear... SIR... is that someone will expect me to have done all these gd things before i turn 40 in 105 days. 

20. Sponsor a Child

"There are a ton of organizations (World Vision, Compassion International, ChildFund International), that will let you sponsor a child in need for less than your cell phone bill. Sometime between before your 40th birthday, commit to a year—the letters you’ll receive alone make the whole experience worth it. "

Sometime between before my 40th birthday I will definitely consider this. 

Thank you for dramatically saving this one until the end. 

This list blows.

joys of homeownership, part 2

i can't believe our dryer has been broken for almost a month now. although in other ways it seems like years - we finally went to the store to buy a dryer, disillusioned but relieved to be getting the memorial day sale price at the very least (it was 10% off - not sure I'd say that's a huge sale but I digress)

we looked around and saw the ones we had found online - we asked the salesperson whether we'd have to take the floor model, as the online chat representative had mentioned

she looked at us like we were crazy or like she was really confused it was hard to tell - no of course not, we always order them straight from the vendor, well, unless it's one of the [home improvement sales jargon word] sales - pause - and this isn't - no this isn't one of those sales - ok thanks we'll just look around

so we looked around and decided to go with a different model anyway because they offered a steam feature in the washer - who needs a steam feature in a washer - who knows why does it matter what's the meaning of life anyway

we called to her and she brought us to her desk in the middle of the store to place our order and we sat there despondent as she looked up our washer - looks good - and dryer -

oh you're never going to believe this but it's on backorder - she tried to turn the screen to show us but it got stuck on the credit card reader - it's in transit but we don't expect it until 9/11 - wait, september? disbelief replaced despondency - yes! can you believe it?

yes.

well i might be able to get one for you sooner if you upgrade to the next model or you could go with the other one you were looking at - should we upgrade? what's the difference? who even cares any more? what's the point of any of this? did she say september? fine, let's upgrade even though i know you're just scamming us for the extra $100 bucks let's just throw it at this problem and make it go away -

oh you're never going to believe this but it's on backorder - she tried to turn the screen to show us but it got stuck on the credit card reader and she accidentally turned it off - it's in transit but we don't expect it until 9/11 - wait, september? - yes! can you believe it?

yes.

do you want to try the other model? she looked at us - well we can't possibly wait until september to dry our fucking clothes i thought and looked at collin, delirium and depletion replacing despondency at this point - yes please look up the other model

well it's on backorder too but should be here by 6/18 - that's june right? just a couple of weeks? - to think that we were worried we'd get it before the crew came to replace the ductwork on the first LOLOLOLOL

ok thanks very much here are one million forms to sign thank you have a nice day they will call you in a jillion years to schedule delivery i will never see you again or speak with you but if there's a problem with the delivery just keep all the forms and bring them back to the store and make sure the delivery people sign too otherwise we will think you are lying because we don't trust you any more than you trust us

we walked away - do you need anything else? - um yes we can go out through the garden center and i'll get some weed poison because i'm tired of those weeds in the gravel of our walk - yeah me too let's poison the shit out of those weeds

Happy Campers For Real Though

Um hi

Hello there. Is this thing on?

First of all, in order to save you the trouble of researching my whereabouts for the last 7 years online and in other archives, allow me please to summarize what has happened since my last entry, which was written way back in September of 2010, right before I turned 33.

Hmm, well... I turned 33, then all the other years up to and including 39 which is my current age.

I wrote sporadically in a few different blogs:

February to March of 2011: Go West Old Lady!

March of 2011: Each Day a New Step

July of 2013: Manifest Charity

I also started using Instagram, which is the main reason I stopped blogging. It's easier to share a photo with a caption than to try to write a blog entry. Sad but true.

October of 2012 to present: Instagram

Other than time passing and age setting in, what has happened? Not too much... I got together with Collin, we moved to SF, we got married, I worked in a grocery store then for IOA, I drove across the country with mom, I made some dear friends and then had to leave them behind in Pacific Standard Time, I moved to NC with Collin, I paid off my student loans, and we bought a house, and two cars.

Sam is still doing well, although he has lost about 5 teeth, and we have Collin's cat Guiness and a new cat named Jasper. Oh, and I'm about 40 pounds over my goal weight NO BIG DEAL.

I'm looking for a job (again), this time here in Durham where we live now. I'm volunteering with a few senior services organizations and working part-time as a companion for mostly homebound seniors. I'm sure I'll talk more about it, if I ever write another blog entry.

I'm in the middle of making a bunch of photo books and trying to organize the documentation of my life so far, which is why I've ventured back into blogger.

Oh and I'm doing the May Minimalist Challenge, so I've been getting rid of things. 1 the first day, 2 the second day etc.

So far:

Day 1: I got rid of the Goat Yoga issue of Indy Week.

Day 2 (today): I got rid of 2 packs of shelf hardware that I clearly don't need since all my shelves have been assembled.

I also had to throw out an expired sunscreen and two hand soaps that I think smell gross since I brought in two camp chairs and an ice/drinks bucket last night!

Generally I won't just repost my Instagram photos on my blog, I promise, but I imagine I'll want to talk about the challenge as it gets more challenging. I've really been accumulating stuff over the last few years. (Since I got rid of all the stuff I'd accumulated before moving out to SF...) Getting rid of things can be emotional for me but I've got to make more space in my life for things that matter.

-charity