Um hi

Hello there. Is this thing on?

First of all, in order to save you the trouble of researching my whereabouts for the last 7 years online and in other archives, allow me please to summarize what has happened since my last entry, which was written way back in September of 2010, right before I turned 33.

Hmm, well... I turned 33, then all the other years up to and including 39 which is my current age.

I wrote sporadically in a few different blogs:

February to March of 2011: Go West Old Lady!

March of 2011: Each Day a New Step

July of 2013: Manifest Charity

I also started using Instagram, which is the main reason I stopped blogging. It's easier to share a photo with a caption than to try to write a blog entry. Sad but true.

October of 2012 to present: Instagram

Other than time passing and age setting in, what has happened? Not too much... I got together with Collin, we moved to SF, we got married, I worked in a grocery store then for IOA, I drove across the country with mom, I made some dear friends and then had to leave them behind in Pacific Standard Time, I moved to NC with Collin, I paid off my student loans, and we bought a house, and two cars.

Sam is still doing well, although he has lost about 5 teeth, and we have Collin's cat Guiness and a new cat named Jasper. Oh, and I'm about 40 pounds over my goal weight NO BIG DEAL.

I'm looking for a job (again), this time here in Durham where we live now. I'm volunteering with a few senior services organizations and working part-time as a companion for mostly homebound seniors. I'm sure I'll talk more about it, if I ever write another blog entry.

I'm in the middle of making a bunch of photo books and trying to organize the documentation of my life so far, which is why I've ventured back into blogger.

Oh and I'm doing the May Minimalist Challenge, so I've been getting rid of things. 1 the first day, 2 the second day etc.

So far:

Day 1: I got rid of the Goat Yoga issue of Indy Week.

Day 2 (today): I got rid of 2 packs of shelf hardware that I clearly don't need since all my shelves have been assembled.

I also had to throw out an expired sunscreen and two hand soaps that I think smell gross since I brought in two camp chairs and an ice/drinks bucket last night!

Generally I won't just repost my Instagram photos on my blog, I promise, but I imagine I'll want to talk about the challenge as it gets more challenging. I've really been accumulating stuff over the last few years. (Since I got rid of all the stuff I'd accumulated before moving out to SF...) Getting rid of things can be emotional for me but I've got to make more space in my life for things that matter.

-charity

Survey says!

I am drinking a coke. Yes, caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, pure sugar calories. And you know what? It's delicious.

I weighed myself this morning and have lost five pounds since I started working out and watching what I eat. Yay! I swear I thought I was living in the twilight zone because nothing I did seemed to make a difference. Until today! Yesterday I did yoga when I got home from work, and then went to the gym and walked on a treadmill and climbed on the stairmaster. When I got home I made spaghetti and put some not-chicken nuggets on it. YUM!

When I came home, I watched LOST. Awesome. I think I'm going to end up buying the whole series someday. I just love it. I especially love this whole "no more questions; only answers" approach, because now as I'm watching I'm realizing that there were so many questions I had forgotten most of them! Thus, I want to go back and watch earlier episodes to catch up on the questions!

I have been stressed out as heck this week - for one reason after another, I really don't want to go into it right now - so Sanks suggested last night that this weekend become, officially, "Happy Happy Joy Joy Weekend o-10" (I actually came up with the title, but the ideas were mostly his). We're going go-karting, and video-arcading, and maybe even batting-caging! I have a lot of work to do, too, so while I'm doing that, he will go skeet shooting with his friends. I know he's excited because we'll be spending time with his friends, and he has been frustrated that he feels obligated to divide his time between me and them, rather than spending time with us together. I'm actually excited about it, too, since his friends are really fun! They just are usually doing stuff like travelling (which I can't afford), clubbing (which I hate and can't afford) or going to house parties (which I hate). So now he has stumbled upon something we all like!! Yay, Sanks!

I really love Tuesdays now. I have made it my official "Relaxation Weeknight o-10." I am always at the theatre Mondays and Wednesdays, frequently at the theatre on Thursdays, and sometimes on Friday and/or Saturdays. So yeah, I really love Tuesday nights.

Oh, and last night Ricky Gervais was on The Daily Show to talk about his new HBO show, The Ricky Gervais Show. I watched the first episode of the show and was soooooooooo excited. It's an animated version of the very fist podcast - the first episode of the first season - of his show with Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington.

Hilarious! (Image from the HBO website)

And yes, the title of this blog IS meaningless.
Charity

this week

This week.

-- I spent $20 mailing a package to my friend's daughter in Las Vegas. Which is funny, since the package consists of two box sets of "young adult" novels that cost me a pretty penny initially, but were just sitting on my shelves. I wrapped them in the most interesting paper I had to make them look more gift-like, but unfortunately the most interesting paper I had was a realtor's mailer. Then I forgot the card so I wrote a note on a request for certified mail I picked up in the Post Office and stuffed it in the box. The lady chided me, once I finally got to the front of the line about 30 minutes after beginning my wait, "Why didn't you just use the flat rate boxes? It would have been so much cheaper." Beyond my control, I swear, I glared at her. This was after she kindly offered me priority mail tape since I had forgotten mine and didn't want to pay $3.50 for a roll of tape exactly like the one I had at home. This, I realized when she rang it up, was exactly why I had to pay so much to ship it as well. Glare. Glare. Glare. Incidentally, this is also why Olivia should have her package today instead of next week. Of course, she's visiting her grandparents until three weeks from now. In North Carolina. Whatever. Glare.

-- I hit the 10 pounds down mark yesterday. Then for various reasons I pigged out on Robert's American Gourmet "Pirate's Booty" so I gained a pound back. That still leaves me 8 and a half pounds down, though, so I won't complain about an unfortunate binge that was the result of a painful conflation of several unfortunate turns of events (explained below).

-- Friday I finally finished transcribing my first interview! Now I just have 8 more to transcribe, 3 more to schedule, and 15 more to find out where and how the hell I'm going to get these physicians to talk to me.

-- My advisor advised me to send out a paper for publication (I guess it was my idea, but he's behind it). He's supportive and thinks that although I'll have to do another version of it, I shouldn't have to change much. The good news is that once I get that publication out, I'll be a much stronger candidate for getting a job. The bad news is that until I get that out, I won't be such a strong candidate for getting a job. That is unfortunate, since there are several jobs right now that I'd really like to be qualified for.

-- I got my hair cut (see blog posting below). I like the salon, but it was too pricey for it's own good. The reason I went there is because every time I go to Key Lime Pie, the people I saw before aren't there anymore. The girl who did my hair did a good job, but I feel like, and I know this might sound snobby, but if I'm paying top dollar (to me) for hair-doing, I want to be pampered a little. At Key Lime Pie, they bring you tea, and everything is very nice and stylish, and comfy. Plus they use Aveda color. The place I went yesterday would have been nice if it was significantly cheaper. As it was, I felt like I wasted my money a little, since it was kind of a "no frills" type of place but I was paying "frills" prices. I was also really nervous about it, since I wanted a really good hair cut for my job interviews (at the ASA meetings in NYC next week) and my portrait (end of August). I remembered too late that I wanted to try this place called "Fresche" in Grant Park. Next time. When I'm 30.

-- I am glad I went there yesterday, though, even though I was so nervous towards the end (I feel like she took so long on the color that she rushed the cut a little). The reason I'm glad is because the lady who did my hair is 9 months pregnant. Now why would that matter? She used IUI (intrauterine insemination) to get pregnant, because things just didn't work out. I was excited to hear that (she volunteered the information, obviously, which was actually kind of strange; she must talk about it all the time). I asked her all about it, since I've often thought that's what I'll have to do someday. I'll round 36 and still be single with no prospects, and start really worrying; hopefully by then I'll have a job so can afford to pursue alternatives. So she's telling me all about it and I'm listening, fascinated. She mentions how she lost most of her friends because they're still in the "party all the time" mindset (which intrigues me, considering she's 38). I think for a minute about how that's totally the opposite of my situation. I want to party all the time but all my friends have babies. Anyway, then she says, "but don't worry; 6 weeks and I'm back doing hair." 6 weeks?

"What are you going to do with your tiny baby?"

"My dad is going to keep him."

"6 weeks old babies are awfully tiny! How are you going to be able to leave him?"

"Hey, single mom here. I don't have many options."

Oh yeah. I remembered all the reasons I don't want to have a baby by myself and all of a sudden all the sadness of all the plans I had came rushing back. It's sad to plan a life with someone and then have it ripped out of your hands. At that point, all my excitement melted away and I was totally depressed again.

"So what are you doing tonight?" She asked as she finished styling my hair.

"Nothing," I responded, bleakly in my mind, but hopefully coming across as nonchalant.

"Well, you have to go out! You just got your hair done! Call up some friends and just go out to dinner or something."

"Yeah," I replied, again trying to sound not-pathetic.

I drove away from the salon in a funk. I called my friends in Atlanta and of course my friends in Atlanta consist of two small families, who for obvious reasons (one three and a half years old and one seven and a half months old) couldn't drop everything and go out with me to show off my new haircut.

Luckily, USA was showing a marathon of Law and Order: SVU, as usual, so I watched that. I think I was too depressed to watch the movie I rented: Days of Being Wild, an early Wong Kar-Wai film.

[Hence, the pirate's booty.]

-- Last night I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. At the risk of sounding too dorky, it was super-awesome. I can't wait to go read the series again. I put off seeing the Order of the Phoenix because I was reading the last book and I heard the movie wasn't that good. Maybe I'll go see a matinee showing of it today with all the other little children.

-- This next week I'm going to try to get a couple of interviews scheduled (if not done), and at least work on more transcriptions. I have to go to school today and print stuff out for class, which thankfully ends this week. I also have to get my teaching stuff ready for the ASA interviews that will probably not happen ("Be prepared!"). I need to take syllabi, assignments, copies of my CV, etc.

I also need to go through my dissertation and my tiny amount of data, so I can have something to say when asked that dreaded (by me) question: "So what is your data showing so far?"

Let me tell you. So far, it's seeming pretty bleak.

ruddy

I am calling retired professors as part of my job today; asking them if they have any items to add to our Writers' Display Case. I just got off the phone with a man who stopped me when I introduced myself, and thoughtfully and carefully and enthusiastically told me:

Charity (my last name here).... No novelist, however clever, could begin to come up with a name as wonderful as yours.

That was pretty nice.

Another good thing about today is that I found out that I lost a pound and a half this week, bringing me halfway to my initial weight loss goal, and a third of the way to my total goal.

Also, I'm getting close on Harry Potter. With excitement, anticipation, anxiety, and melancholy (the last book ever!) I continue, one or two chapters a night closer to finding out the answers.


Which reminds me (Daniel Radcliffe was great), I saw Extras, Series 2: Extra Fabulous, I should say. I pretty much have loved every episode. I'll have to buy the lot of them, I suppose.


Are you having a laugh?

good news? are you kidding?

No, seriously. There is some good stuff to share. In no particular order:

1) I have gotten 8 interviews done for my dissertation! 30 minutes into the last one, which was yesterday, my silly little digital voice recorder shut off. It's an Olympus WS-100, and I love it because it was very cheap and until yesterday had been somewhat reliable. I'm not sure what happened yesterday. It issued forth a nervous beep, I picked it up and saw it flashing "Lo" and an empty battery, and then it immediately turned itself off. Hmm, that was weird, I thought, because I always anal-ly check the battery before I leave. Luckily, the part of the interview that I really needed most to be in his words was captured pre-meltdown (this I consider a great blessing, since we actually did the interview backwards as it turned out, and under normal circumstances I would have missed that part!). The crazy part was that after this, I started frantically writing down the things he said and then my pen ran out of ink! No, I'm not kidding! So I had to stop him and Bless his heart, he offered me a pen. What a very nice guy he was. I love interviewing acupuncturists. I have met some really great people. I'll never forget the sweet man who told me, "You will have many successes" at the end of our interview. I am actually looking forward to transcribing that one. Of course, I'm almost done with the acupuncturist interviews (yay!) so I'll soon have to move on to physicians. Eek. I'm a little more nervous about them. Well, once thing at a time.

2) I saw Transformers. Awesome. It's not the cartoon version. Get over it, nerds. It's fiction anyway.



From this website.

3) I finally bought a new iPod to replace the one that was viciously and maliciously stolen from my car during that thunder storm. Poor Jeffrey, out there alone in this world, probably he ended up in the locker of some rude rich teenager troublemaker who was disappointed that the iPod he lucked upon when he and his friends were causing random destruction of the neighborhood cars was a pre-video version. Poor little Jeffrey. It was hard for me to replace my sweet little boy, who also happened to be very expensive to replace. I ended up buying another one online at the Apple Store. It was a pretty good price; I got the 30 GB Video-playing iPod. I don't really need one that big or with video-playing capability, but it was the smallest one they had. The best part is that I could get little Jeffrey, Jr. engraved. He's so sweet, and this time I got the black one. I'm really enjoying it.



4) My stepdad is getting better and better. He should be going back to work in a week or so, light duty at first. I'm so lucky that they caught his blockage before he had a heart attack. Life is good.

5) I am on Weight Watchers and finally feel like I am gaining control over how I look. I figured, I'm turning 30 in a couple of months; I don't know what I want to do to celebrate (nothing seems exciting enough to match how truly excited I really am about it, in some very sick-feeling way) but I know I want to look as good as possible doing it. I've been exercising regularly for some time now but only after I started watching what I eat have I begun to lose weight. It feels really good. I look forward to fitting into my clothes again. Maybe I'll buy a new skirt or something, although I'm actually pretty happy with all of my clothes, I just wish I fit into them without looking like a white-collar hooker. :)

From this website.

6) In honor of my monumental birthday, I have decided to get a portrait made (photography). I'm pretty excited about that, and I know my family members will be excited to have a portrait of me that is less than 12 years old. I wish my cats could be in it, but I'd like to get it made somewhere outside the city, or in a park or something, and I don't really think the cats would enjoy the trip. I'm starting to think that maybe I'll try to get it made on my birthday. Making this decision has been strangely empowering. Most people get portraits made when they get engaged or married, or have a baby. Getting this portrait made is like saying that I am enough. It's empowering, but it's not actually how I saw myself spending my thirtieth birthday. Sometimes I get pretty sad about the things in my life that I don't have that I always wanted, but the truth is, when I manage to forget about the social pressures or socially constructed expectations (of others and of myself), I realize that my life is exactly how I want it to be. I would like to have kids one day, but I can, as soon as I get a stable job. It's funny, that's kind of how I always wanted to do it anyway. I don't actually enjoy being in romantic relationships. Sometimes I laugh when I catch myself mourning the lack of one in my life.

7) I am not sure if I have emphasized in the past how much I love the show "What Not to Wear" on TLC. If I had to choose between a What Not to Wear episode and a Top Chef episode, I would be very stressed out. (Although it does alarm me how many of the worst dressed people actually watch the show, apparently having learned nothing.)

From this website.

8) Speaking of looking good, I am really digging my shorter hair. The front layers follow my jaw line, and the back layers rest at the top of my back. This guy did a great job. I hope he's still there when I go back (the turnover rate at my salon is higher than the one at McDonald's, I swear). I'm thinking about getting my hair done before my portrait. How luxurious. I can't wait until I get a real job.

9) Oh, speaking of real jobs, UNCG is hiring! I probably won't get the job (and wouldn't want it, actually) because they are trying to be more of a research university (the way many state schools are going, in attempting to get more funding), but it's so nice to know that schools in Greensboro actually do hire people. :) Of course, I must admit that this makes it seem unlikely that they will hire an adjunct lecturer for the year after I graduate, and I was kind of hoping to get a job like that, since they're much less research-oriented than tenure track positions (and therefore more perfect for me, aside from the instability variable. Anyway, seeing this position advertised makes me very excited about the possibility of actually getting a job, period! I mean, exclamation point!

10) Sometimes I think that maybe I'm thirty and single because my potential family is out there waiting for me to get a job in that town and then move there, making it possible for my intended family to find me. How exciting to know that somewhere out there is a place for me. I just have to find it. And the fact is, I have no choice but to find it. :) And in the meantime, my life is a lot less complicated and stressful than it could be.

The moral of the story:

Life really is what you make of it. Two people, both given the same pile of shit to work with, may choose to a) mope and complain and feel bad, or b) make a shit sandwich. (If you haven't seen Drowning Mona, you really should.) See, I have my moments of optimism, too!



Charity :)