I was talking with a friend about astrology the other day. Do I believe in it, etc? Some of my colleagues are surprised that I follow it - which I do out of curiosity rather than faith. However, in my life I (choose to) see a great deal of support for the personality aspects (not so much the daily horoscopes, in which I have absolutely NO faith).
I'm a Virgo. I have thought that to be so funny for some time, as I cannot for the life of me keep my apartment presentable (seriously, I mean presentable and not spotless or even mostly clean). However, I have realized that with this transitional period, I am cleaning out my life.
Now is my time to decide what I want and what I don't want. Finishing my dissertation enabled me to get rid of my albatross, so to speak, and I'm excited to see what else I can get rid of. I'm streamlining. I am afraid, though, that perhaps there are some things that should be retained even though they are stressors. At what point, for example, is a person worth getting rid of?I want to surround myself with positivity, but is that selfish? Or healthy? I can't tell with these things. To what extent do I sacrifice my own happiness in the interest of patience and "tolerance"?
I just feel so liberated and free from the dissertation, that I want to get rid of everything that's holding me back! To what extent am I obligated to wait for others? Is their happiness more important than mine? Can someone be truly happy if he or she is holding someone back or being held back by that person? At what point does self-sufficiency turn into snobbery or intolerance?
I want to approach people and my world with an open heart, but I feel strongly that I must protect myself, because of the way I've been hurt in the past. At what point do common sense and "lessons learned" become stubborn refusal to trust or tolerate others?
[And why did I get a sinus infection? Isn't my life supposed to be perfect from here on out?]
I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, but I also don't want to hang on to things I don't need anymore or that are holding me back. I guess the fact that I have a hard time trusting, forgiving, and letting go is making this a little more difficult than I expected.
Sometimes I miss the days when all I had to worry about was my dissertation.
[NOT.]
1 comment:
True that, girlfriend. It's a question I often ask myself, too - at what point is something simply not worth the stress anymore? I unfortunately haven't stumbled upon the answer, but I'm leaning toward things that I spend more time thinking about happily than angrily. I guess that's my choice, too, though.
BLAH! Wish I knew the easy answer, but sometimes it's best to slowly start letting go - like dipping your toes in - and then see how it feels and if you want to go further.
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