arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh..

I was supposed to go to the theatre tonight. I was so excited about learning how to do lights. Then Sanks had come to town, so we were hanging out, and then I cooked dinner for him, and then he took FOREVER at Marshall's picking out swim trunks and towels so he was late to my house, and I was trying to rearrange my furniture because I'm leaving Sunday night (basically) and I don't want my neighbor to wander through a nasty house to feed my cats and also I don't want to leave my cats in a disaster area...

So I forgot to go.

[Sigh]

What does it all mean?

I love performing, but I am continuing to feel not-ok about this whole nonsense. I mean, did I just forget? Or do I want to quit? The decision is really difficult since I love performing but the main people either hate me or are disinterested, and this flaking out is NOT going to help my image at the theatre. And how can I improve if I'm constantly fighting even to be noticed? I feel like they're not on my side anymore. I REALLY need this vacation to Hawaii. Maybe I'll just stay there. Wow. That is tempting, I must admit.