Ooooh, yeah.

I got them internets at home this morning. Sho nuff. So I'm going to be posting from home base from now on. Sweet. I'll holla atcha later.

Not sure what's going on with my speech patterns this morning. I blame the coffee.

Wah, wah, wah...

See, is that a baby crying or a slide guitar? Who knows? It's all a matter of perception. Just saying.

Rehearsal last night was... ok. I'll probably write more about it in my improv blog, but maybe not! Maybe I'll just stuff it down, deep inside, where all my other non-memorable, disappointing and deflating experiences go. Yay! Feels better that way. ;-)

I finished the embroidery last night while I finished watching the last episode of Firefly. I love that series. I got it on sale at Borders recently and I'm really glad I got it. It's a subtly good show -- just consistently good quality, not using flashy stupid things to get your adrenaline going, but with enough exciting scrapes to keep the show fast-paced. It's really good. My favorite episode is definitely "Out of Gas" but "Heart of Gold" is a close second. The latter was never even aired! I hate when networks give up on brilliant shows just because they hate me and are out to get me. Another one I want is Jericho, but that ended tragically (i.e. with a huge unanswered cliffhanger). Firefly ended reasonably well, although the movie Serenity did a good job on some story lines and on others SUCKED. Anyway, moving on...

So the little embroidery thingy-do is done, but now I have to make it into a pillow or something. I don't know about that. I want to start a sewing project, actually, but 1) I'm nervous, and 2) I can't decide on any fabrics! This is totally a good thing for me. I need practice making safe (relatively inconsequential) decisions. It will build up my confidence for when I have to make big (real) decisions.

So I'm going back to work. Today I get to design things (newsletter, brochure) so I'm excited about that! This is the part of my job that I really love.

Charity :-)

New developments!

Can there be old developments? Just curious.

I am excited to announce that I have ordered internets at my house! Yay! They will be here Friday. This will be great because I will finally be able to do all my internets stuff at home, and not have to sneak around work to do it. I will be able to focus on one thing at a time, which will be nice.

In the interest of focusing, then, I'm focused on going home right now. I'm sorry that this entry is so lame, but that's how it has to be.

I started another embroidery project last night. Still having the same commitment issues with it, though. I don't want to start something because I might start hating it halfway through. This is a good exercise for me, I think.

Rehearsal at nine tonight. I'm already sleepy. That's a bad sign.

Collections

Well, I got my first letter from a Collection Agency today. I have officially joined the ranks of the debt-ridden and down-trodden, I guess. I feel so welcome.

Seriously, it's so funny because after almost an entire year (about 10 months) I had actually just finally paid it! Crazy. I wanted to call and be all irate, like "You sisterfuckers! I paid this LAST WEEK after I received your FIFTEENTH NOTICE. Do you really have to be such impatient jerkfaces? Or did you not even bother to get your shit together in time to let the Collection Agency know I already paid this shizzle?! Geez. Let me speak with your manager."

Tonight I'm not in the show (so sad) but I'm SO looking forward to staying at home with the cats, and perhaps even doing some CRAFTS! Hmm, but I guess I should be writing. Last night I wrote a joke. :-) I'm very proud of myself, actually. I'll try to write more tonight. I'm seriously considering the stand-up class. Who wants to give me $500? (Last time I asked for money, the universe provided it, so I thought I'd give it a chance.)

Oh! And also, I'm working lights this weekend at the theatre. All by myself!

I'm full of all kinds of new skills! Better than being chock full of nuts I guess. (The joke is a little better than that...)

xo,
Charity :-)

Hawaii Slideshow!

Enjoy!

ARE THOSE 1 MILLION PINEAPPLES?!

if this day were any longer i'd hit my head on it when i stood up.

i'd step on it when i walked up the stairs.

Back-ack-ack-ack!

I'm baaaaaack! We had too much of a good time, clearly. My job has been really difficult but I decided to take the rest of the week off from improv, too, which is good, since I'm exhausted after work, but wide awake by 2 am. My schedule is WAY off. It could also do with the fact that I finally started watching the Wire. See, the thing is, no one ever told me it has Dominic West in it! I would have been watching this shizzle from the get-gizzle!

I'm still working on posting photos. I uploaded them to my computer, but now I can't get my computer to go on them internets, so, you know -- speed bumps. I'll get to it eventually.

xoxox! Trying to keep the ALOHA SPIRIT alive!!

Charity :-)

Computer-schmuter

Sanks is going to work and taking his laptop. I'm not getting as much writing done as I'd hoped, since, you know, he has to take his laptop to work and when he's not at work we're doing something FUN! Anyway, I'm doing the best I can.


Aloha! Hugs!
Charity :-)

I will post more later.

I love Hawaii.

Sanks is in many ways ridiculous, and in many ways hilarious.

Beach...

Aloha!

Tomorrow Sanks and I leave at a ridiculously early hour to get to Honolulu!

I've not needed a break this bad since I-don't-know-when. Honestly, at this point I'm repeating every few minutes, "It's ok, Charity. I'll have an entire week without having to worry about this! I can do it! Just a few hours more..."

I did laundry today. I have cleaned my apartment for the most part. I rearranged my office area into a space MUCH more conducive to writing, which I'm hoping will encourage me more. I'm glad I was able to, because I was thinking I might "need" a new desk -- this arrangement is way more than satisfactory, though.

I still have bunches of work to do before I'm able to leave, though, so this can't be a terribly long post. I'm excited to say that I've bought a couple of books on writing, though, and I'm looking forward to trying this out. My first step is to get internets at my house full-time though. Yes, that will definitely be nice. And I think it's a justifiable expense, especially now that I don't get TV.

I know money isn't everything, but I sure wish I had enough money so that I didn't get stressed out about $50 a month. :-(

HAWAII!!!!

(See how much it helps?!?)

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh..

I was supposed to go to the theatre tonight. I was so excited about learning how to do lights. Then Sanks had come to town, so we were hanging out, and then I cooked dinner for him, and then he took FOREVER at Marshall's picking out swim trunks and towels so he was late to my house, and I was trying to rearrange my furniture because I'm leaving Sunday night (basically) and I don't want my neighbor to wander through a nasty house to feed my cats and also I don't want to leave my cats in a disaster area...

So I forgot to go.

[Sigh]

What does it all mean?

I love performing, but I am continuing to feel not-ok about this whole nonsense. I mean, did I just forget? Or do I want to quit? The decision is really difficult since I love performing but the main people either hate me or are disinterested, and this flaking out is NOT going to help my image at the theatre. And how can I improve if I'm constantly fighting even to be noticed? I feel like they're not on my side anymore. I REALLY need this vacation to Hawaii. Maybe I'll just stay there. Wow. That is tempting, I must admit.

Fresh and Clean

I'm thinking of getting calling cards!! How fun!

I like these the best. Etsy is super.

I need to straighten my desk at work. I've been trying to clean up my life a little. The kitchen is fabulous, and I've managed to keep it CLEAN for 4 days now, I'm happy to say. The bathroom has been mostly clean this whole time (it's just SO TINY that it gets cluttered). However, the bedroom and living room of my apartment are a real challenge. Mostly because everything that doesn't fit into the kitchen, bathroom, and living room is stacked up in the bedroom, and because I haven't been able to put together my new bookshelf yet so all the stuff that needs to be ON the bookshelf in the living room is stacked up on the floor and on my desk. And on my couch. And since I need the room for making the bookshelf, everything from the middle of the room is stacked around my desk as well. Yeah, a huge mess.

Plus, poor cats. I'll be leaving for HAWAII and I'm so flustered right now that I haven't even asked anyone to cat sit. I HATE asking people for things. I always feel self-conscious (why would they do anything for ME?) and embarrassed (they're just doing this because I asked and they can't think of a way to get out of it). I know, not very productive thinking. Oh well.

I guess I'll go clean my desk now. I need to get my office organized since I'll be gone all next week. TO HAWAII. :-)

[Sigh of relief] This is going to be awesome.

Ok, let me not be lazy.

Today has been ok. I've been off all day. It's strange. It's like, skeptical? or hesitant? or confused? It's hard to describe. Not cynical or bitter, not angry or sad... Uncertainty I think. Hmm.

I have these ideas for my blog, but I don't know what to do with them. I'd like to spend more time on my blog. Wow, just thinking about doing that full-time is SUPER exciting! I'm not sure how I could make THAT work, though. Nikki is trying to get me to do more with my writing, and I totally agree that it is a great idea. I bought a book called "The Portable MFA in Creative Writing" and in what I read, they basically said, like Nikki, that unless you're David Sedaris, no one is going to buy a book of personal essays, which is really my preferred medium. Back to the drawing board! The book also suggested that having a popular blog, or stories published in magazines, will also up your chances of getting a foot in the publisher's door. So now I just need to figure out how to get my foot into magazine publishers' doors, I guess...

It's scary to think about all this. I keep hearing that little voice in the back of my head saying "You're crazy if you think you are good enough at writing to get people to read your stuff. And who cares about your personal stories?" But I'm like, um, a few people that I know of. What's the harm in thinking there might be more?

Here's my thinking. If Augusten Burroughs can get "Running With Scissors" which I HATED published, surely I can get a little SOMETHING published! Yikes. Scary. But my recent favorite quote is:

Great love and great achievements require great risk. -Anonymous

So yeah, better get on that shizz. And at worst, I have an excuse not to go to the gym tonight! Oh wait... That's not good.

The good is that LOST is finally over. It's like my heroin. I hated having to watch it but I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Like anything on Bravo. Luckily my cable cut off so I couldn't watch my crack. And now that there's no more heroin, I might finally be able to detox from TV. Leaving me at least one FULL night to write. Must. Take. Advantage. Of. Opportunity...

Today.

I haven't done much, but I've reformatted all of my blogs, so shut up about it already!!

Yes.

One more reason I love marriedtothesea.com:


marriedtothesea.com

You know, it's amazing. It's like there's a new reason every day!!!

What a weekend?

This past weekend definitely DOES NOT qualify as one of my apparently bi-monthly Relaxation Weekend o'10s! Argh. It's not that the weekend was bad, it just left me feeling wiped out. I needed a Relaxation Weekend o'10 is what I'm saying, but what I got was a Crazy-ass Crazy Weekend o'10. Highlights:

Friday: Went out with an old friend I hadn't seen in years, literally. That was awesome, but I heard the craziest drama from my old job! I mean, involving lawyers, and gang wars at country club weddings, and terminations of employment left and right. It was pretty crazy. So the good news is that me having one too many (pitchers of) margaritas at my first graduation party was not the reason my former boss never called me to babysit again. Unfortunately, it reminded me that she never called me to babysit again, and I really love the girl I used to babysit. Babysitting also satisfied my annoying and illogical baby-making impulse for quite a while, and now I'm starting to be tormented by it again. Which is not being helped by the fact that everywhere I turn a friend of mine is either having a baby, having another baby, or bragging on their baby/kid. I GET IT! Your kid is awesome! Families are awesome! You know what? So are PhDs and margaritas! Please just let me sit back and enjoy my pleasures in life without feeling like a total loser! OK, let me stop. It's my issue, not theirs. [Deep breaths in, out, in, out...]

Saturday: The day started out grandly! I went to Hhighland Bakery with Kendra and ate to my heart's content! I saw a friend from improv eating there with his wife and was able to have a short conversation while waiting so I didn't even have to worry about any "dead" time. Brunch was fabulous and I got to wear my awesome new dress! It was awesome. So I went home and at that point things started to get weird.

I think the turning point was standing my couch up on its side so I could get to the bottom of it. While I was talking to Nikki on the phone (AWESOME! LOVE HER!) I decided to fix the upholstery on my living room furniture, which Sam and Max ripped out from the underside during their "the bottom of this furniture is our world, and we will hammock it up to our hearts' content - try and stop us" period. So I was nailing the upholstery back under the furniture frames, which led to the standing upways of my couch. Sam promptly climbed up the side of it (scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, success!) and settled in for a nap about 1 foot from the ceiling. It was adorable, but it just wasn't "right".

So, it was off to improv for my volunteer shift. How can I say this without being a whiner ... some people need to LAY OFF THE CRYSTAL METH BEFORE TRYING TO BOSS *ME* AROUND. I'm sorry to bring this up, but "HOMIE DON'T PLAY THAT." And by "Homie" I mean me, and by "play that" I mean put up with someone treating me like shit just because they have severe personality disorder(s). Seriously. That shit is NOT OK. So that pissed me off, since he's in the cast with me, and it's just that much more interpersonal drama at the theatre that I'm having to deal with AGAINST MY WILL. All signs lately have been pointing to taking up a different hobby. So now I just need to find something else. I'm thinking sewing.

I didn't get home until after 1, but that was ok since I didn't have anything to do Sunday morning! Yay! Which was wonderful, because it meant I could sleep in! Things were going great until I woke up at 2:30, 4:30, 6:30, 6:45, 7:00, 7:30, 7:45, 8:00, and then finally at 8:10, when I just gave up and got out of bed.

Sunday: By Sunday I was exhausted. I went to get frozen yogurt with Kendra and Ali, another friend I haven't seen in some time. It was fun, but every time I see people from Sociology, it reminds me how far away I truly am from them, which makes me sad, and makes me wonder what I'm moving TOWARDS, since I'm clearly moving AWAY from so many things... I also found out that yet ANOTHER of my male friends is getting married. I'm happy for him, but it makes me really sad for a minute when I see a guy who has had worse commitment problems than me find the perfect girl who is all-too-willing to put up with potential bullshit later down the line in exchange for a wedding. Whereas, I am clearly damaged goods. [Sigh]

So last night, after watching the WIZ (5 stars plus one million bonus stars) and the end of Deep Impact, I tried to do some straightening up around the house, but I ended up basically leaving the house looking like I've just moved in. It will be worth it in the end, bit right now it's just one more thing on my "Honey-Do" list. If I only had a "Honey" to "Do" all those things....

From Daddy's Camera: Graduation o'10

Graduation!

Fun times. I'll post photos as soon as possible. In the meantime, enjoy:

Ever have so much to say

That you can't say anything?

That's me right now. Argh.