Grrrr.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Deception

I saw the movie Inception last night. I don't feel bad, because I didn't want to see it but went with Sanks and could say "I told you so" afterwards. The movie was so convoluted and twisted, and then right at the end when you think, "Oh, ok, so whatever happened, it's all worked out now," it screws with you again. I don't like movies that do that. I honestly feel like ever since Memento, Christopher Nolan takes himself too seriously.

Memento to Christopher Nolan: the fact that Memento was confusing was NOT what made it good! The fact that there was a twist at the end was not what made it good. What made it good was that at the end, you realize what's going on and you realize what he's done and why and the realization is crazy! It's the brilliant insight you get to feel of knowing what's going on! So quit making movies that are confusing and dark and that don't even attempt to clarify at the end. You're annoying.

Ok, people. Problem solved. You're welcome. I'm looking forward to his next film.

Wait! I'm remembering something about his last film being unsatisfying and annoying, but I can't seem to find the Polaroid, and I'm probably dreaming anyway... Yeah, it will be good. Because I sure loved Memento.

Haiku: Why depression sucks.

I touch my friend's arm.
"Don't touch me," she says. "I'm sad."
Now I'm sad. Alone.

In lieu of a real post...

You know those "family" stickers, that are inevitably on minivans, that portray in stick figure format the composition of a family? Well, what if there's a divorce? Is correcting that configuration on the list of things to "correct" along with how many people you are insuring through your work health insurance plan, how many people get in on your YMCA membership, and whether your ex-spouse is in the photo of your family on your desk at work? How does that rate in priority when considering who buys the back-to-school supplies?

[Yes, I've been slightly depressed today. It's Relaxation Weekend o'10 again. Perhaps I've relaxed too much...]

Anyway, so here's:

A Haiku on the Occasion of Being at the Theatre Five Nights in a Row and Squeezing Grocery Shopping in Between Work and Call Time and While Doing So Seeing a Minivan with Those Stupid Family Stickers and of Course Immediately Thinking "What If The Family Breaks Up Because One of the Adults Doesn't Love the Other Enough Anymore? What Will They Do With the Stickers?":


Stick figure stickers:
Mom, dad, two kids, and a dog.
All that's left of us.

Save Me From Myself!

Entitled "Trapped on Sephora's website" or "Throw me a bone... and 200 bucks"

I don't have money;
Shopping cart tells different tale.
What student loans?

Poor white teeth lady...

One of the saddest moments of 2010:

There was a woman at the improv show last night who was pretty hard to miss. Looking at her, she could have gone a couple of ways: a total stuck-up bitch, or, as Chip lovingly calls them, a "10-drink Sally." She was wearing a short navy blue silk jumper with very tall open-toe beige canvas heels, and she had big blue eyes and long, carefully straightened blond hair. She was very thin and fit, and was sporting a healthy (dose of) tan, too. I hate to say this, but she stood out to me because she seemed pretty typical of the pretty, doll-like women the lawyers and ad men bring to the shows. That sounds awful of me, I know, but I'm just being honest. I need to for the rest of the story to convey the bittersweetness of the punchline.

So after the show, I have to visit the ladies' room and who do I find myself behind but the lovely lady to whom I have dedicated this email. At that moment, I noticed that her teeth were so white they were almost blue. As I had only hours before noted the drastic yellowness that has overtaken my teeth since my last dentist's visit, I was taken aback and remarked to her that her teeth were beautifully white. She shared the secret with me and I lamented the fact that my sensitive teeth made home whitening kits impractical at best, and shockingly excruciating at worst. She told me her secret (only doing it occasionally, rather than every day), and remarked that she also did not drink coffee or red wine.

"Oh no," I said. "I definitely drink both of those!!" I laughed, probably a little loudly since I'd been drinking and watching improv for the last few hours.

"Well, at least you're happy..." she replied. I smiled and she turned away to go into the newly available stall.

I haven't been able to forget that.


Haiku for pretty lady
My beauty distracts
From the painful secret truth.
My soul longs for love.

Haiku for Kimberly

Dead roach in hallway.
Insides flipped to the outside.
This is not your home.

AAAAAAAAHH!!! SOooooo excited.

Mon Dieu!

C'est Bastille Day!



Joyeux Quatorze Juillet! Any excuse to put Edith Piaf on my blog is awesome. And also, you know, the French Revolution was KIND of a big deal...

So, of course: Independence HAIKU!

Bastille Day is here.
Rob the prisons and eat cake!
Independence Rocks.

We love you Marie,
but you and Louis must die.
It is sad but true.

Ground-breaking trouble;
Thanks for sociology, France!
And the guillotine.

Balls?

The Spain - Netherlands game was (hopefully) the worst soccer game ever. It was TERRIBLE. Embarrassing for the Germans for not passing them by, honestly. And for Uruguay, honestly. That game was GOOD.

So anyway, I'm going to improv tonight. We'll see. There was definitely some drama on the improv front this weekend, so I'm feeling a little hesitant. It's hard to be serious about something at the same time I'm insecure about my position and talent, and also have fun at the end of a long day of work. So, yeah. I've decided that I'm no longer putting all my eggs in that basket. Instead, I'm going to work on those goals I listed.

I am feeling good about the embroidery one, and Sanks has already agreed to let me cut his hair. I think if I bought some scissors he might change his mind--that's how he is.

I watched the Wire this weekend - season four. Dang, that is sad sad SAD. I sure do wish I could solve all the problems in the world. No child deserves that. No Child Left Behind is such a joke. As if passing a standardized test would even solve all the problems for children today. I want to be a foster mother. I've told Sanks, but I think he thinks I'm joking. Silly Sanks.

Well, I better go look up glass-blowing classes.

There seems to be a cricket in my office. Heaven help me.

Foods

I need some foods for the soul. Right now Sanks is cooking me a fabulous (or so he PROMISES) meal of Indian food while watching the World Cup 3rd/4th place game. It's pretty good. I'm going for Germany, although I have some shame in that. Why? I don't know. Probably because they're so good it just doesn't seem fair to the other players, and probably because I also want to go out on a date with ALL OF THEM AT ONCE. Mmmm, don't tell Sanks.

I'm working on a craft project today. I was working on it last night during movie night as well, although it was difficult during both: during Drunken Angel because it's in Japanese, and I don't want to miss anything, and during The Diving Bell and the Butterfly because the cinematography is FASCINATING. And also because it's in French. Craft/movie nights are most successfully combined for me when movies are in English, I've found.

I also did yoga yesterday. It was great! I did a Sean Corne DVD, who usually makes me roll my eyes majorly when she starts talking about Spirit this, and the divine inside, and how lucky we are to be human, and stuff (seriously, Sean Corne, save it for the newspapers) but last night I almost started crying because it's so try. Life is for finding happiness for myself and others, and supporting myself and others and for love and appreciation. So yeah, I needed to hear that.

Right now I need to hear the rest of the game (it's tied now), so as weird as it is for me to express this: I need to go because the World Cup is on. Don't tell Sanks that, either. He'll get way too excited.

Ok, bye! Just say NO to vuvuzelas!!

Question:

What would you do if you had all the time in the world and money was only slightly an issue (i.e. you only made twice as much as me)?

Because I don't know what I would do, since I NEVER HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING ANYMORE.

Let me start with a list:

~ Learn how to sew, at least until I: make a skirt with my new sewing machine

[look at this fun skirt!]

~ Embroider my new skirt using my mad embroidery skillz

[No visual aid needed. Boo-yah!]

~ Take private swimming lessons, at least until I: can do that flippy thing at the end of the lane while I'm swimming laps

How To Do a Flip Turn - Freestyle Stroke on Howcast

~ Take a yoga class, at least until I: can do scorpion pose (yeah, ok, that will take a loooooooong time, but I really want to do that pose)

How To Do the Scorpion Pose on Howcast

~ Re-learn glass-blowing and lampwork, at least until I: make a cat-masterpiece.



~ Learn acupressure, at least until I: can stop panic attacks with a single finger.



~ Learn massage, at least until I: can do BABY MASSAGE!!!



[TOO FREAKING CUTE.]

~ Write, write write! at least until I: get a literary agent.



~ Take a class in stand-up, at least until I: perform once.


~ Learn how to cut hair, at least until: Sanks lets me cut his hair!!


Lots to think about...

The point is, I'm having some mental health days lately. I need to get my life in order because this life is all I've got. I'm tired of spending time, wasting energy, losing sleep, and gaining weight because of shit that doesn't matter in the long run. Nothing is worth that.

It's hard to remember that I'm an adult, and that no one is looking out for me except me. I have to be the one who makes decisions about my future, and about how I spend my free time, and about the kinds of things and people I surround myself with. And I'M TIRED OF SETTLING.

The longest journey begins with a single step... And my journey is apparently only ten steps long.

Goals:
1) sew a skirt
2) embroider it
3) learn flip turn
4) take yoga (let's say, until headstand and extended leg wheel pose)
5) take a glass blowing class/workshop
6) take an acupressure class
7) learn baby massage? hmm, wonder if they have cat massage...
8) send something out to a literary agent
9) take a stand-up class
10)cut Sanks' hair

Sweet. This is awesome.

My revolutionary uterus.

Seriously. Ouch. I believe there might be a Little Big Horn type last stand going on in my reproductive system:

"I just want you to know, Charity, that WE ARE STILL NOT PREGNANT IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED. What, do you think we're a youngster?!! Do you think we have all the time in the bloody world?!? BECAUSE WE DON'T. We're running out of time and you better RECOGNIZE IT. Come this time next month, if there is not a baby/parasite up in here, I'm done. No more. This will be our LAST EGG. Do you hear me now?!?! GOOD."

Lighten up already!

I came home from work yesterday, fed the cats, drank a beer and ate some pineapple pizza, took a bath, did 30 minutes of Yin Yoga (it was too much to try to do "real" yoga), and was in bed by 9. I swallowed two Tylenol PMs on my way down, and although I woke up when my alarm rang at 6:30 this morning, I went back to sleep until 8:30. Yes, that is almost 12 hours of sleep. But until you have to deal with the riot in my belly, you are not allowed to judge.

Tonight is the first night of my embroidery class though! I'm very excited. I hope there are nice people there. It's at my favorite Atlanta fabric store, Whipstitch, and I'm hopeful about spending more time there in the future. I already made a coaster, dangit! And it is AWESOME.

OK, peace to you and also unto my uterus,
Charity :-)

PS-I'm re-reading Grendel, which was one of my favorite books from high school. It's even better than I remembered! I think my uterus has a new name.

Eye of the needle/hurricane

Wow. Remember how I said getting my sewing machine threaded was a reasonable goal for yesterday afternoon? I stick by that, but realize now that despite thinking it was a joke and a goal that I couldn't help but meet, it was DIFFICULT. That thread is tiny, and even having two separate diagrams and two different colors of thread (upper and lower threads), the act of getting them both to do what they are supposed to do, where they are supposed to do it and how, was surprisingly complicated!

After several hours of cursing and finagling, I am super proud to announce that: I MADE A COASTER!! And yes, that IS just two pieces of fabric sewn together, one of top of the other, but nonetheless, I'm impressed with myself. And deservedly so/sew.

My printer has not yet come at work, but I am pleased to announce that my orders from bluefly and anthropologie have! I also got a pair of shoes that is surprisingly ugly, but were also only $20. They're ugly, but they are comfortable, and they are practical, and they are professional (up to my standards, that is), and they are sandals, so they will be kept despite not being keepers. :-)

So anyway, after a marathon day of meeting (I count a two-hour meeting as a day-long marathon), and before I head to a post-work meeting about non-profit development (awesome - also two hours, by the way), I'm going to sign off. I'm sorry Mom has gone, but I look forward to alone time with Sam and Max tonight, too.

Perhaps I'll get crazy and make ANOTHER COASTER! WOAH! Somebody stop this sewing fanatic!! I'm sew crazy.

xox

PS. I'm setting a goal of doing yoga tonight. Just FYI. I need some centering. I got a new book about yoga and lifestyle. This week I'm supposed to eat 3 meals a day as much as possible (although I'm snacking on raisins right now since I have that meeting right after work), and drink warm water throughout the days. Like tea without tea leaves. I know, exciting! But I tell you what, getting up and getting my warm water DID provide a nice change of pace several times during that marathon meeting. So, thank you warm water diet. :-)

Weekend Warriors!

Mom has been here visiting this weekend. We've had a good time; we watched the fireworks from a distance, thus avoiding the crowds (YAY), we went to see two movies (Knight and Day, Please Give), we ate at La Fonda, Fellini's, AND the Olive Bistro, and Sanks and I took Seussie for a walk in Piedmont Park, too. Mom and I went to Petsmarts, which was NOT smart, because mom spent $225! We had a great time, though, and Seussie had fun going shopping with us--there aren't any dog-friendly stores in Asheboro, apparently.

Anyway, we've had a great time. I haven't gotten quite as much crafting done as I'd like... to have... gotten done... However I'm supposed to say that. Anyway, it's been fun. I think I'm going to try to get my sewing machine threaded. That seems like a reasonable goal for the afternoon.

YIKES! I just remembered I have to go back to work tomorrow. :-(

OMG LOL!!

Can-do condo? Can-don't.

I saw this cute CUTE condo right beside my work and it would be so awesome if I lived there and was able to walk to work every day!

Then I did an online rent calculator that said if I invest the difference in what I'm paying in rent now, I'd be better off to rent for the next 30 years. Now, what the hell and I supposed to do with this information?! Silly hoo-hahs.

I just want to be able to get a dog and paint my living room and have a craft room. WHY CAN'T I HAVE IT?!?!

I'm still going to look into it.

I WON'T BE DISCOURAGED THAT EASILY!!!!

Charity :-)

Ouchie.

My sinuses are killing me! Geez Louise.

Question:

Am I ever going to be able to breathe again? I have come down with a terrible sinus infection, and currently my ribs are hurting because of all my nose-blowing. Terrific.

Yesterday Sanks and I watched the World Cup at Manuel's. I felt like I was in a foreign country. Who are these people and why are they cheering and yelling and groaning at once?! On the other hand, I had a really tasty beer: Terrapin Boom Shakalager. It was as yummy as it was creatively named. It's also 9% ABV so I really shouldn't have had more than one. After a 2 hour nap post game (did I mention 9% alcohol?) Sanks and I got pizza and a few videos.

By 10 pm I was ready for a nice long sleep, but that's when the runny nose and allergies turned serious. After an unexpectedly and irritatingly fitful sleep, I woke up feeling kinda yucky. I'm tired, I'm dehydrated, I can't breathe through my nose at all, my throat hurts from all my mouth-breathing, my sinuses are squeezing my brains into a tiny ball, I've eaten a bunch of unhealthy foods and drunk too much, and I have done approximately 1% of the tasks I intended to do here at home.

BUT!

I washed the dishes. So, there.

Question:

What if we are all reeally extras in a natural disaster movie?

No, seriously!

What if, tonight, while we sleep, a comet comes into view that the government has been trying to hide, in the desperate attempt, however misguided, to prevent chaos?

And what if, tomorrow, it's on all of the newsstands and televisions, and all of the internet home pages...

And what if we go into work, and everyone's walking around in a daze, like, "Seriously?" and then, around lunchtime, important or rich people fill the sky in helicopters, on their way to Siberia because it is supposed to be best off environmentally and will recover the quickest, because they have known for years enough to build a giant eco-dome where they alone will survive on the earth?

What if, around 4:30, people go outside in Washington DC and stand in the streets staring into the sky, because the comet has come into view directly over the White House, and network news stations all over the US are playing a loop of people standing around looking up at the sky...

And what if Obama, around dinnertime, gives a final motivational message from the Oval Office because he's too noble to go hide in the eco-dome with the Bushes..

And what if we are standing around in our living rooms drinking wine and kissing our babies, flipping between that and watching the comet approach the Statue of Liberty on the network news, because of course the comet is visible over both simultaneously, and then, all of a sudden, an attractive young woman in a suit comes in, and she gives Obama a piece of paper, and he smiles, and announces that the problem is solved, because 5 very brave astronauts just flew into space and set nuclear warheads off on the comet and unfortunately they are all dead, but look. Look! LOOK!

What if they then cut to a looped video of the comet blasting apart taken on someone's home camera because apparently they are saving it for posterity?

What would I change the day after that?

How would I want to spend my days?

How might I try to leave a better legacy? To be the one everyone looks back on with tears in their eyes?

Would anyone else care?

Would it issue in a new era of peace and acceptance?

And... why was that one guy videotaping it?