sink or swim.

Well, hello there.

It has been forever, I guess. At least a few months, that is. Since then I've been doing my improv, working at making my job work, trying to scrape by paycheck to paycheck, so pretty much the same stuff I was doing before.

That's pretty much why I haven't updated the blog--I'm not really sure what the point is. I wish I could say I've been writing, but I haven't. I wish I could say I've been trying to find a faculty job, but I haven't been. I think at this point I am working on sustaining unsustainability as long as possible.

I know I need to get up and grab a hold of life. You know, grab the bull by its horns, step up to the plate and swing, sink or swim. It's just, it's so much easier to sink.

I don't think I'm sabotaging myself, or that I'm afraid of failing, and I'm really liking being called "the Doctor." I feel like I earned it.

But it's like, working on my dissertation was like being on a treadmill that was constantly going, going, going, and I always thought I wasn't going to make it, or just overwhelmed by fatigue. Now, the treadmill is off, so I'm just standing there. In an empty gym, staring at the walls.

I think I just don't know how to go after what I want. Maybe I never have. Gosh, how depressing, right?

In good news, I had a nice party this weekend, making Valentine's Day cards. It was a craft/tea party, so I went to Ikea and bought a tea set and tray. I've been wanting one for quite some time. It was a real treat to be able to use it. I also bought myself three bunches of flowers and combined it into a super bouquet. That's really the way to do it.

But you know me, when I go, I go big.