good news? are you kidding?

No, seriously. There is some good stuff to share. In no particular order:

1) I have gotten 8 interviews done for my dissertation! 30 minutes into the last one, which was yesterday, my silly little digital voice recorder shut off. It's an Olympus WS-100, and I love it because it was very cheap and until yesterday had been somewhat reliable. I'm not sure what happened yesterday. It issued forth a nervous beep, I picked it up and saw it flashing "Lo" and an empty battery, and then it immediately turned itself off. Hmm, that was weird, I thought, because I always anal-ly check the battery before I leave. Luckily, the part of the interview that I really needed most to be in his words was captured pre-meltdown (this I consider a great blessing, since we actually did the interview backwards as it turned out, and under normal circumstances I would have missed that part!). The crazy part was that after this, I started frantically writing down the things he said and then my pen ran out of ink! No, I'm not kidding! So I had to stop him and Bless his heart, he offered me a pen. What a very nice guy he was. I love interviewing acupuncturists. I have met some really great people. I'll never forget the sweet man who told me, "You will have many successes" at the end of our interview. I am actually looking forward to transcribing that one. Of course, I'm almost done with the acupuncturist interviews (yay!) so I'll soon have to move on to physicians. Eek. I'm a little more nervous about them. Well, once thing at a time.

2) I saw Transformers. Awesome. It's not the cartoon version. Get over it, nerds. It's fiction anyway.



From this website.

3) I finally bought a new iPod to replace the one that was viciously and maliciously stolen from my car during that thunder storm. Poor Jeffrey, out there alone in this world, probably he ended up in the locker of some rude rich teenager troublemaker who was disappointed that the iPod he lucked upon when he and his friends were causing random destruction of the neighborhood cars was a pre-video version. Poor little Jeffrey. It was hard for me to replace my sweet little boy, who also happened to be very expensive to replace. I ended up buying another one online at the Apple Store. It was a pretty good price; I got the 30 GB Video-playing iPod. I don't really need one that big or with video-playing capability, but it was the smallest one they had. The best part is that I could get little Jeffrey, Jr. engraved. He's so sweet, and this time I got the black one. I'm really enjoying it.



4) My stepdad is getting better and better. He should be going back to work in a week or so, light duty at first. I'm so lucky that they caught his blockage before he had a heart attack. Life is good.

5) I am on Weight Watchers and finally feel like I am gaining control over how I look. I figured, I'm turning 30 in a couple of months; I don't know what I want to do to celebrate (nothing seems exciting enough to match how truly excited I really am about it, in some very sick-feeling way) but I know I want to look as good as possible doing it. I've been exercising regularly for some time now but only after I started watching what I eat have I begun to lose weight. It feels really good. I look forward to fitting into my clothes again. Maybe I'll buy a new skirt or something, although I'm actually pretty happy with all of my clothes, I just wish I fit into them without looking like a white-collar hooker. :)

From this website.

6) In honor of my monumental birthday, I have decided to get a portrait made (photography). I'm pretty excited about that, and I know my family members will be excited to have a portrait of me that is less than 12 years old. I wish my cats could be in it, but I'd like to get it made somewhere outside the city, or in a park or something, and I don't really think the cats would enjoy the trip. I'm starting to think that maybe I'll try to get it made on my birthday. Making this decision has been strangely empowering. Most people get portraits made when they get engaged or married, or have a baby. Getting this portrait made is like saying that I am enough. It's empowering, but it's not actually how I saw myself spending my thirtieth birthday. Sometimes I get pretty sad about the things in my life that I don't have that I always wanted, but the truth is, when I manage to forget about the social pressures or socially constructed expectations (of others and of myself), I realize that my life is exactly how I want it to be. I would like to have kids one day, but I can, as soon as I get a stable job. It's funny, that's kind of how I always wanted to do it anyway. I don't actually enjoy being in romantic relationships. Sometimes I laugh when I catch myself mourning the lack of one in my life.

7) I am not sure if I have emphasized in the past how much I love the show "What Not to Wear" on TLC. If I had to choose between a What Not to Wear episode and a Top Chef episode, I would be very stressed out. (Although it does alarm me how many of the worst dressed people actually watch the show, apparently having learned nothing.)

From this website.

8) Speaking of looking good, I am really digging my shorter hair. The front layers follow my jaw line, and the back layers rest at the top of my back. This guy did a great job. I hope he's still there when I go back (the turnover rate at my salon is higher than the one at McDonald's, I swear). I'm thinking about getting my hair done before my portrait. How luxurious. I can't wait until I get a real job.

9) Oh, speaking of real jobs, UNCG is hiring! I probably won't get the job (and wouldn't want it, actually) because they are trying to be more of a research university (the way many state schools are going, in attempting to get more funding), but it's so nice to know that schools in Greensboro actually do hire people. :) Of course, I must admit that this makes it seem unlikely that they will hire an adjunct lecturer for the year after I graduate, and I was kind of hoping to get a job like that, since they're much less research-oriented than tenure track positions (and therefore more perfect for me, aside from the instability variable. Anyway, seeing this position advertised makes me very excited about the possibility of actually getting a job, period! I mean, exclamation point!

10) Sometimes I think that maybe I'm thirty and single because my potential family is out there waiting for me to get a job in that town and then move there, making it possible for my intended family to find me. How exciting to know that somewhere out there is a place for me. I just have to find it. And the fact is, I have no choice but to find it. :) And in the meantime, my life is a lot less complicated and stressful than it could be.

The moral of the story:

Life really is what you make of it. Two people, both given the same pile of shit to work with, may choose to a) mope and complain and feel bad, or b) make a shit sandwich. (If you haven't seen Drowning Mona, you really should.) See, I have my moments of optimism, too!



Charity :)

why i love michael moore.

I gotta watch this movie, yo. But it's not just healthcare that makes me love Michael Moore. It's his vehement berating of Wolf Blitzer and CNN and mainstream media in general on "The Situation Room" yesterday.

Although he insists he doesn't speak in soundbites, I want to point out this quote:

"You've fudged the facts to the American people now for I don't know how long – about healthcare, about the war... When are you going to stand there and apologize to the American people for not bringing the truth to them that isn't sponsored by some major corporation?"

Yeah, when are you going to do that, mainstream media?

My friend had a bumper sticker when we were in high school--I'm sure you've all seen this one--that said "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." Sometimes I get really upset, because there are so few outraged people in the United States. Are we all just dumb? Or even worse, do we just not care? I think what it is, is that shit is so messed up right now people are paralyzed. Hopefully people will wake up and demand change soon, though. Before this Supreme Court finally takes away our freedom of speech. More than it already has, that is...

Michael Moore's website.

update on my stepdad

Thank you those who have been praying for (holding in the light, etc) my stepdad. He came out of the surgery yesterday and was awake and mumbling. The doctors are very happy with his recovery so far. He still has a ways to go, but so far so good!

thanks again,
charity :)

please keep my stepdad in your thoughts.

he is having quintuple bypass surgery today. apparently he had been feeling chest tightness but didn't know it was related to his heart. he was walking in the yard and almost blacked out, so he took an aspirin. the doctors said that probably caused him to not have a heart attack, and since he didn't have a heart attack, he was healthy enough to go into surgery immediately. he is currently doing well, and should be out of surgery in a couple of hours. he'll be in the hospital until early next week and in recovery at home for an unknown period of time. this weekend i will be doing a couple of interviews and mom didn't want me to postpone my work, so i'll be going home next weekend. that way, not only will i stay on my work schedule, but i'll also be able to visit with him at home (rather than in intensive care) and help mom taking care of him. please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

thank you.

Some interesting items.

Confessions of a Matchmaker: This new A&E reality series follows the attempts of a matchmaker in Buffalo, NY to make the love dreams of the seemingly hopeless come true. Selected quotes: "Look at you; you picked doughnuts over sex," and "You are way gay." Recommended for shit-talkers and embittered singles.


The Painted Veil: This movie stars Naomi Watts and Ed Norton, with a strong supporting role played by Liev Schrieber, Naomi Watts' babydaddy. Set mostly in rural China in the middle of a cholera epidemic in 1925, this film brought memories of the "rice water stool" my former roommate told me about while studying for her M.P.H. Luckily, the story, the acting, and the breathtaking scenery (filmed largely in Guilin, Guangxi in southern China) distracts one from the disturbing images that phrase creates in the mind. The story didn't end as I would have liked, but it worked very well in retrospect. I'd like to read the novel by W. Somerset Maugham. Recommended.


Volver: I had been looking forward to this film for some time. The director, Almodovar, is one I want to like more than I actually like. The actresses do a great job. I found the movie entertaining, but it seemed to move slowly. And yet, the story was very complicated. The images in the film were nice, and again, the actresses gave powerful performances (not just Penelope Cruz). It was strange: at the end of the movie, I was left with several unanswered questions, and yet I found myself not caring very much. Compelling overall, though. Recommended.


Pandora: This is a neat website that will create radio stations based on the music you like. You give it a song or artist and with the help of the "music genome project" Pandora will make a playlist based on characteristics of that song or artist. As it plays more songs, you can continue to provide input, and it will continue to modify accordingly. Highly recommended.


Weeds: I rented the first season of this show and really enjoyed it. Mary Louise Parker does a great job, and although I have some ethical issues around racial portrayals in the show, I recognize the relative impossibility of perfection and think overall the show is a good one. And I love Elizabeth Perkins. I can't wait to see the second season, but I hear it's not quite as good. Season one recommended.


Top Chef Miami: Not nearly as engrossing as the second season, but it only just began, and I think maybe I'm just still worn out from the last season, which was emotionally draining and also highly irritating. It should be pretty interesting though, since the contestants appear to be very talented. Half-heartedly recommended.

Stay tuned for Hollywoodland, The First 48 Hours, Shin Chan, and more!

Nicholas and Susanna and I went to the pool today!

what else bugs me:

i live in a house divided into apartments. i'm the one who gets all the junkmail since i live in apartment one.

swine post office.

i find it amazing

i find it amazing that in one tiny single moment you can do something so consequential, like say something terrible that no one will every forget or forgive (my usual mistake) or even something as menial as put a coffee cup you think is empty into your purse then realize it's not at all empty and now you have ruined everything in your purse, ruined your new purse, and gotten coffee on your pants. it was so brief. can't i have that moment back and NOT do something so careless?

it's these little things that i always do that make me feel like i have no control over my life or anything in it.

melodramatic? yes.
an overstatement? possibly.
a truth that i live with daily? definitely.

charity :)

the significance of 144,000 in marketing religion and real estate.

I saw a commercial today for Century 21. They advertise that there are 144,000 brokers in their firm (all dedicated to listening to me and finding my dream home for me, of course). What struck me is that as a good Seventh-Day Adventist (kind-of), I immediately recognized this as the number of redeemed from the twelve tribes of Israel that appeared to John in his Revelation (that's in the Bible).


(See this website for more.)

My related question is a three-part one:

1) Are they trying to subconsciously sell their services by connecting it to something Christians will be drawn to (even though it does also kind of imply end-times)?

or

2) Is it just a coincidence?

or

3) ARE THEY THE TRUE CHOSEN PEOPLE?

...spooky...

(or lame or blasphemous, considering your perspective).

charity :)

two gross things in my apartment.

max's little tennis ball. can you tell it's her favorite toy? she walks around meowing with it in her mouth.


me working on my dissertation.

i am getting ready to post nikki's photos of canada in my picasa album. mine were lost in the fire i.e. the great computer crash of '06.

peace (chuhch! i'm out this pizzle!)
charity :)

ps-for the link to my picasa album look in the sidebar to the right. because of my gmail problems (see below) it is too complicated to log on and copy the address for you. sorry. blame google.

Picasa Web Album

I just wanted to let you guys know that I opened a Picasa account. You can see my public albums by clicking on this link. Pictures from Las Vegas are there.

Here's one of me with Olivia the sweet:



charity :)

if i've seen a stranger looking picture of me, i can't remember it.

Haha! I was working with my Dad in his jewelry making workshop when he took this picture of me. It's from his Picasa album (December 2006). I think at the time I was trying desperately and uselessly to flatten a piece of copper. It's harder than you might think...

I'm listening to the Weeds soundtrack (Volume 2) on Napster. Has anyone seen that show? I've heard it's good. I don't know. But the soundtrack is pretty good (Volume 2, at least).

charity :)

they may rule the world, but they'll never rule me!

Now that Google owns everything, you'd think the integration between all their entities would be more seamless. I have been trying to figure out for hours (I'm at work, so it's ok to waste time) how to switch ownership of this blog to my Gmail account, and I have discovered that "surprise, surprise, surprise (!!)" I am not an idiot (in this particular instance). It is actually not possible. In order to switch ownership of my blog to my Gmail account, I would have to create a new blog, then move the whole thing piece by piece over to that account, a long and tedious process that through switching names and URLs might cause the 3 readers (Hi Daddy, Nikki, and Harry, maybe?) to not be able to find it anymore. Geez.

If you have a blogger account, will you kindly ask them on the wish list to please enable users to switch blog ownership? As far as I can tell, my blog will be deleted when my school account is deleted upon graduation/termination of my graduate school career. And, from the number of questions in the Blogger Help Group dealing with this topic, many others are frustrated by this as well. Apparently you could do it in the older version of Blogger.

I went to Las Vegas last weekend, and as soon as I get home I'll post a few pictures. I had a really nice time. I want to open a Picasa web account to post my photos, but that's through Gmail, and it just reminds me of all the frustration. Wouldn't it be neat if they were all on my stupid Gmail account? Argh.

In summary, I feel this way when I think of Google:

let's dance!

charity :)

a brief update on my life...

fun stuff:
i got a haircut!
i'm going to las vegas wednesday for nikki's birthday!
becky came back to jazzercise after some physical therapy!
i started hot yoga again!

not so much fun:
ben and i broke up.
i realized one of my hips is bigger than the other.
my dissertation is making me feel utterly miserable.
i can't get my flat iron to make my hair look this good.

on the bright side,
my hair looks nice anyway! also, i decided i am going to try to get in shape by the time i turn thirty. i think it will make me feel better if i can take control of my eating and exercise, and make some progress on my dissertation. and the office season finale was really cute.



closing thoughts from married to the sea:


(i try to remember)
charity :)

ps. paris.

did you see that paris hilton got 45 days in jail? her "shocked and disappointed" lawyer had this response:

"To sentence Paris Hilton to jail is uncalled for, inappropriate and ludicrous. She was singled out for who she is. She's been selectively targeted. Paris was honest in her testimony. We plan to appeal. Shame on the system." (source)

I like how he calls her "Paris Hilton" like she's not a person, she's an image, a persona. And why is it so uncalled for? Shit, she broke about 16 laws in three months. Shame on the system for doing what it says it will do? For not giving special treatment to celebrities? He says she should have gotten away with it because she was honest in her testimony; so if i got arrested i should be able toget out of it by saying,

"I never would've been driving if my license was suspended. [Even though that's exactly how she violated her parole.] I follow the law. I'm followed by cameras every single day... I respect the law.... I want you to know I'm very sorry and will pay complete attention to everything from now on." (source)

i'll keep that in mind.

poor dear. although, actually, since she's not poor, she might not have to serve it anyway, like michelle rodriguez and her 60 days, i mean 2 hours. (source).

nature fight!

(my favorite webcomic is married to the sea.)
(unfortunately i can't go outside; i am stuck at the computer because i have a draft of the dissertation due today, so i've got to bust my butt to finish it.)
(maybe later...)
charity :)

sad news.

thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. my aunt died monday night and i went up to asheville yesterday for the funeral.

my mom told me she'd buy a spot for me there in the cemetary, next to my grandma and grandpa and aunt. and i guess my mom. my stepdad wants to have his ashes scattered in the ocean or the ozarks or something.

one of my favorite card games as a child was "old maid." i guess i always knew.

death, dying, and decay.

In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Benjamin Franklin

I don't have to do nothin' but stay black and die!
Mogan Freeman as Joe Clark in Lean on Me

Seen on the highway: a phone book, swollen with dried rainwater.

Seen on the highway: several dozen used brown loafers, strewn in the space between the highway and an off-ramp.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a deer on the side of the highway, right next to the fast lane. It was lying on its side, its head facing back towards oncoming traffic, its feet inches away from the divider in the center of the highway. It had been hit by a car, I guess. I immediately thought of how terrifying its last few moments must have been. Fleeing the suburbs, it had darted into the highway, realizing too late the danger, face-to-face with three lanes of oncoming traffic. Panicked, it probably kept running, hoping to get to safety, finding only a 6 foot concrete wall. It never had a chance.

Two days later I drove by again, and it was still there. The next week, it was still there. In the first days after it happened, the deer began swelling up, but by the time I drove by the next week, hoping it would be gone, it had become only a shell of what it had once been.

Yesterday, it was gone. Someone must have picked it up. I wonder, was it animal control? Waste management? Who takes care of dead things?

My ex-boyfriend grew up on a sheep farm. They had to dump their own trash, and he told me of the massive bins where the farmers dumped their refuse: separate bins for household rubbish, broken appliances, yard waste. He told me all the bins were marked by diamond-shaped yellow signs, like you might see on the highway. There was one with an upside-down cow on it. For dead livestock. At the time I was mortified, and fascinated.

I guess I still feel that way about death. Like, it's just evidence of the passing of time, a perfectly logical and normal "next step" (and last step, I suppose): the end of a road everyone walks down. At the same time, it is something that should be marked, and not ignored, or left to rot on the side of the road. Those videos taken by people who "liberated" concentration camps in WW2, where there were so many bodies they had to be bulldozed, people's arms and legs sticking out at unnatural angles, rolling over each other, piling up so high. It's probably the most horrifying thing I've ever seen. Obviously, genocide is terrible. But also, the bodies have lost their identities. The mass of bodies, rotting into one another; it just seems so disrespectful.

I don't know why all those bodies weren't cremated like the bodies of so many people who died in concentration camps. Wikipedia states that many Jews even today have a negative opinion of cremation (it's also against Orthodox Jewish beliefs in the ways dead bodies should be handled). The remains of the 12 German war criminals convicted in the Nuremburg trials were cremated and spread in secret locations, to prevent the building of a memorial to them.

I always wanted to be cremated. I felt repulsed imagining bugs crawling through my head. Then I found out that when you are cremated, sometimes they have to turn over what's left of your body to make sure it gets totally incinerated. I know I'll be dead then, and it won't really matter, but I can't help but imagine myself, in a giant oven, being turned over, my limbs half gone, moving in unnatural ways, and I don't like it. Then I think about embalmers emptying the blood out of my body and filling me with chemicals, and I don't know what I want.

I'm not one who wants to pretend death doesn't exist, or that I can somehow avoid it. There is a middle ground between letting someone rot on the side of the road and dressing a body up, preserving it for the future. In a way I feel like that's just a way to pretend the person hasn't actually died, that nothing has changed. Really, the only thing in that person's future as far as we know is getting buried.

Death is not something terrible and awful (although the situations surrounding it can be), it just is what it is. It still should be marked, I think, like a rite of passage, a graduation of sorts. I just don't know why we have to handle it in such bizarre ways.

(I wonder what they did with the deer?)

see you in the mountains!

This weekend was my dad's birthday. Happy birthday! Also, I went up to Merlefest with my stepdad. My mom came briefly, but then a family emergency took us (makes it sound like we didn't actually have to do the driving all through the night on Saturday, but we did) to Asheville.

(Please pray for my aunt, who is in the hospital with pneumonia, and my mom, who is probably at the hospital right now with her. Thanks.)

In the meantime, here are some pictures taken at Merlefest pre-emergency. I did not take pictures of Elvis Costello, but he sure did a great job (still seems strange that he was playing an Americana/Bluegrass festival, but they try to mix it up a little, I guess. And he played two songs he wrote, one of which he played with George Jones, I think, and the other was recorded by Johnny Cash, so I guess he wasn't too far off the mark playing that festival). I also didn't take pictures of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, but they were good, too.

I wish I had remembered to take pictures of Asheville, too. I can't wait to move back home so I'll be with my family more, and also so I'll be in North Carolina full-time again (the BEST STATE in the WHOLE DAMN UNION).

charity ;)


leaving atlanta.


although the sky was heavy with clouds at times, we never got rain. (how beautiful is north carolina?!)

my new favorite band, Uncle Earl (playing with Bela Fleck).