joys of homeownership

hi there my dearest homies.

please allow me to start at the beginning.

our home inspector told us before we bought the house that the ductwork was in shambles. we included in our offer the contingency that the previous owner had to replace or fix it but had a trip to san francisco scheduled the week before closing. like the good-natured naive northern californians we were at the time, we assumed 1) that our realtor was on the up-and-up, and 2) that the home inspector was a man of integrity and compassion, and 3) that the homeowner was a DIY pseudo-master who would try to get something substandard through if possible not necessarily because of any bad intentions but because he believed it was all done 100% correctly (we were right about the last one, actually).

our realtor walked through the re-inspection with the home inspector and the homeowner since we were 3000 miles away and gave it the thumbs-up. fast-forward to the first week in the house when we noticed the living room vibrating. we called a repairman who told us it was just because the furnace/blower was stacked precariously on some cement blocks and it had gotten unbalanced somehow, probably during the re-inspection, and oh my god have you seen your ductwork LOL YOU GOT A DATE WEDNESDAY BABY.

so yesterday after months of getting quotes and talking to various companies and having various companies pass us off to other companies because they stopped doing HVAC and deciding whether we wanted to replace our shitty outdoor AC unit that was only four years old or our shitty furnace and blower that was only 30-ish years old or our evaporator coil that was only 15-ish years old or our water heater that was only 20-ish years old or all of the above (we ended up replacing the water heater back in december and postponing the rest) we finally agreed on a project that will cost close to $10k (and then our AC broke one 90 degree day but turns out it was just the evaporating coil that had frozen solid NBD) and all this would be a lot easier to stomach if i had a job already and then today...

a guy came to look at our dryer which quit abruptly a few weeks ago and determined that it would cost $450 to fix it which is basically the same price as a new dryer and since the old dryer is 7-11 years old (we don't have any of the paperwork because the homeowner didn't leave it WHY WOULD HE) we have to replace it. so no doing any of the ginormous amount of laundry currently stacked up in our bedroom and on top of that i have to find a dryer to buy and maybe it's time to get a job but i heard from the job i really wanted yesterday and they already filled the position so i'm trying to keep a positive outlook - oh and did i mention i'm getting ready to turn 40 in a few months and i'm 40 pounds overweight?

i know i'm being very un-Dude right now but the stress is getting to me man. it's getting to me.

oh this was called the joys of homeownership, right. well let's see.

um...

i'm glad we don't share walls with anyone because when i play Leonard Cohen REALLY LOUD once Collin goes to Whole Foods to get his salad for lunch, no one will call the police. so that's something.

Happy Campers For Real Though

A Drive Across the United States

Um hi

Hello there. Is this thing on?

First of all, in order to save you the trouble of researching my whereabouts for the last 7 years online and in other archives, allow me please to summarize what has happened since my last entry, which was written way back in September of 2010, right before I turned 33.

Hmm, well... I turned 33, then all the other years up to and including 39 which is my current age.

I wrote sporadically in a few different blogs:

February to March of 2011: Go West Old Lady!

March of 2011: Each Day a New Step

July of 2013: Manifest Charity

I also started using Instagram, which is the main reason I stopped blogging. It's easier to share a photo with a caption than to try to write a blog entry. Sad but true.

October of 2012 to present: Instagram

Other than time passing and age setting in, what has happened? Not too much... I got together with Collin, we moved to SF, we got married, I worked in a grocery store then for IOA, I drove across the country with mom, I made some dear friends and then had to leave them behind in Pacific Standard Time, I moved to NC with Collin, I paid off my student loans, and we bought a house, and two cars.

Sam is still doing well, although he has lost about 5 teeth, and we have Collin's cat Guiness and a new cat named Jasper. Oh, and I'm about 40 pounds over my goal weight NO BIG DEAL.

I'm looking for a job (again), this time here in Durham where we live now. I'm volunteering with a few senior services organizations and working part-time as a companion for mostly homebound seniors. I'm sure I'll talk more about it, if I ever write another blog entry.

I'm in the middle of making a bunch of photo books and trying to organize the documentation of my life so far, which is why I've ventured back into blogger.

Oh and I'm doing the May Minimalist Challenge, so I've been getting rid of things. 1 the first day, 2 the second day etc.

So far:

Day 1: I got rid of the Goat Yoga issue of Indy Week.

Day 2 (today): I got rid of 2 packs of shelf hardware that I clearly don't need since all my shelves have been assembled.

I also had to throw out an expired sunscreen and two hand soaps that I think smell gross since I brought in two camp chairs and an ice/drinks bucket last night!

Generally I won't just repost my Instagram photos on my blog, I promise, but I imagine I'll want to talk about the challenge as it gets more challenging. I've really been accumulating stuff over the last few years. (Since I got rid of all the stuff I'd accumulated before moving out to SF...) Getting rid of things can be emotional for me but I've got to make more space in my life for things that matter.

-charity

Not another abandoned child!

Hi random reader. Just wanted to let you know that I have moved to another domain. One of my very own.

Please visit me at charitycrabtree.com!

Wow, I am sad to leave this template. I really love it. Well, Unsolicited, as the show, must go on.

Mr DeMille, I am ready for my close-up!

TGIF!

TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF!

I'm going to the BEACH!!

you can get with this... or you can get with that...

Friday was my first show with the Mainstage cast on a weekend night -- AWESOME!! It was totally awesome. I played Emo Airline with Ethan and the rest (in honor of the crazy flight attendant this week), and Oscar Musical with Andy, and Remote Control Styles with Don and TJ, and Interrogator with Thomas and Andy. For Interrogator I used the a modified Frida character, who was most likely gay, and most definitely opinionated. It was great. I don't play Interrogator that often anymore but Friday made me want to start up again! I love Frida.

It was such a neat experience, though. I remember the first time I went to Whole World over 2 years ago. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair! It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. So to be on the other end of that -- to be making people laugh by basically having a great time myself -- was really incredible.

Plus the fact that I was in a cast with 5 sexy mens and MC'd by another one didn't hurt! Very exhilarating. I hope I get to do it again soon. Chip asked me at the last minute, so I'm extra thankful for the opportunity. Anyway, enough dribble.

Kimberly and Drew were in mainstage shows this weekend, too: Drew at 8 and Kimberly at 10:30, both on Saturday. Drew's show was sold out, so I missed it, but I got to see Kimberly's, which was awesome. Love them ladies. Oh, and one of the ladies that is not in the cast anymore was there, so it was nice to catch up with her, too.

So anyway, then of course Sunday there was a small-scale family emergency -- when is there NOT? -- but I'm trying to hold on to that amazing feeling of happiness and achievement. I've worked really hard to get to a mainstage show. And it was WORTH IT!

SMILEY FACE!!

Sad statement on society, or "Da hottest thang in da street bruh bruh."

So I saw that a big twitter trend was "bruh bruh," and since my first car was named Bro Bro I decided to look it up. Apparently it's a new "song" by someone called Plies. THIS is why I don't really keep up with new music these days...
_____________________________

"Bruh Bruh" by Plies

[Intro:]
Ay bruh, errbody wanna know bout dat, bruh bruh, what dat mean bruh, it dat when u coolin bruh, and u know u da shit, bruh bruh

[Chorus:]
Bitch I'm loaded, and I got stacks bruh bruh, all my homies from da trap bruh bruh,
we ain't really worry bout dat bruh bruh, cause errbody over here strapped bruh bruh [x2]

[Verse 1:]
TAAT! I'm so gutta bruh bruh, she mad at me I won't cut ha bruh bruh, but I'm too rich I can't cut ha bruh bruh,
I got a couple goons that'll mut ha bruh bruh, I'm paranoid, I can't trust ha bruh bruh, da dick too good,
I can't fuck ha bruh bruh, da lames, I let em cuff ha bruh bruh, for real goons dats duffels bruh bruh,
OH, she want me bruh bruh, da hottest thang in da streets bruh bruh,
I don't fuck with dawg cause he creep bruh bruh, dem choppas, real weak bruh bruh, dats a .40 cal on da seat bruh bruh,
no no it ain't sweet bruh bruh, yes yes I will sweep bruh bruh, TAAAT cause dats me bruh bruh!

[Chorus:]
Bitch I'm loaded, and I got stacks bruh bruh, all my homies from da trap bruh bruh,
we ain't really worry bout dat bruh bruh, cause errbody over here strapped bruh bruh [x2]

[Verse 2:]
TAAT! Dat me bruh bruh, Everything bout me G bruh bruh, I ain't da one who wanna eat bruh bruh,
cause me and ma goons real deep bruh bruh,
Everybody over here street bruh bruh, we ain't know nothin bout peace bruh bruh,
cause we playin for keeps bruh bruh, all us got heat bruh bruh, cash right I'm on ma feet bruh bruh,
On Gnac, I can't sleep bruh bruh, club packed dats where I'm at bruh bruh,
On every set I got stacks bruh bruh, I'm sideways I'm kinda passed bruh bruh,
Ma money right dats where I'm at bruh bruh,
Baby's love me, why they act bruh bruh, TAAAT! Dats me bruh bruh!

[Chorus:]
Bitch I'm loaded, and I got stacks bruh bruh, all my homies from da trap bruh bruh,
we ain't really worry bout dat bruh bruh, cause errbody over here strapped bruh bruh [x2]

[Verse 3:]
TAAT! I got cash bruh bruh, I heard dawg doin bad bruh bruh,
I fucked his bitch das why he mad bruh bruh, HATER, dats sad bruh bruh,
Ma dawg robbed him for a stack bruh bruh, you broke you betta get a mag bruh bruh,
I don't drink whites on ma pad bruh bruh, da hoes trip cause she don't have bruh bruh,
TAAT!, I'm da shit bruh bruh, I ain't heard nothin flyer den dis bruh bruh,
A bunch of stacks on the fit bruh bruh, And neva eva will I slip bruh bruh,
Last night I got licked bruh bruh,
Hit the mo' with a bitch bruh bruh, and I ain't leave bout 6 bruh bruh,
Yeah yeah dis a hit bruh bruh!

[Chorus:]
Bitch I'm loaded, and I got stacks bruh bruh, all my homies from da trap bruh bruh,
we ain't really worry bout dat bruh bruh, cause errbody over here strapped bruh bruh [x2]

[Outro:]
Bruh bruh [x15]

[Chorus: until faded out]

__________________________________

WTF?

Haiku:

Most disturbing is
The only comment listed:
"I really love this song!!!"

Grrrr.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Deception

I saw the movie Inception last night. I don't feel bad, because I didn't want to see it but went with Sanks and could say "I told you so" afterwards. The movie was so convoluted and twisted, and then right at the end when you think, "Oh, ok, so whatever happened, it's all worked out now," it screws with you again. I don't like movies that do that. I honestly feel like ever since Memento, Christopher Nolan takes himself too seriously.

Memento to Christopher Nolan: the fact that Memento was confusing was NOT what made it good! The fact that there was a twist at the end was not what made it good. What made it good was that at the end, you realize what's going on and you realize what he's done and why and the realization is crazy! It's the brilliant insight you get to feel of knowing what's going on! So quit making movies that are confusing and dark and that don't even attempt to clarify at the end. You're annoying.

Ok, people. Problem solved. You're welcome. I'm looking forward to his next film.

Wait! I'm remembering something about his last film being unsatisfying and annoying, but I can't seem to find the Polaroid, and I'm probably dreaming anyway... Yeah, it will be good. Because I sure loved Memento.

Haiku: Why depression sucks.

I touch my friend's arm.
"Don't touch me," she says. "I'm sad."
Now I'm sad. Alone.

In lieu of a real post...

You know those "family" stickers, that are inevitably on minivans, that portray in stick figure format the composition of a family? Well, what if there's a divorce? Is correcting that configuration on the list of things to "correct" along with how many people you are insuring through your work health insurance plan, how many people get in on your YMCA membership, and whether your ex-spouse is in the photo of your family on your desk at work? How does that rate in priority when considering who buys the back-to-school supplies?

[Yes, I've been slightly depressed today. It's Relaxation Weekend o'10 again. Perhaps I've relaxed too much...]

Anyway, so here's:

A Haiku on the Occasion of Being at the Theatre Five Nights in a Row and Squeezing Grocery Shopping in Between Work and Call Time and While Doing So Seeing a Minivan with Those Stupid Family Stickers and of Course Immediately Thinking "What If The Family Breaks Up Because One of the Adults Doesn't Love the Other Enough Anymore? What Will They Do With the Stickers?":


Stick figure stickers:
Mom, dad, two kids, and a dog.
All that's left of us.

Save Me From Myself!

Entitled "Trapped on Sephora's website" or "Throw me a bone... and 200 bucks"

I don't have money;
Shopping cart tells different tale.
What student loans?

Poor white teeth lady...

One of the saddest moments of 2010:

There was a woman at the improv show last night who was pretty hard to miss. Looking at her, she could have gone a couple of ways: a total stuck-up bitch, or, as Chip lovingly calls them, a "10-drink Sally." She was wearing a short navy blue silk jumper with very tall open-toe beige canvas heels, and she had big blue eyes and long, carefully straightened blond hair. She was very thin and fit, and was sporting a healthy (dose of) tan, too. I hate to say this, but she stood out to me because she seemed pretty typical of the pretty, doll-like women the lawyers and ad men bring to the shows. That sounds awful of me, I know, but I'm just being honest. I need to for the rest of the story to convey the bittersweetness of the punchline.

So after the show, I have to visit the ladies' room and who do I find myself behind but the lovely lady to whom I have dedicated this email. At that moment, I noticed that her teeth were so white they were almost blue. As I had only hours before noted the drastic yellowness that has overtaken my teeth since my last dentist's visit, I was taken aback and remarked to her that her teeth were beautifully white. She shared the secret with me and I lamented the fact that my sensitive teeth made home whitening kits impractical at best, and shockingly excruciating at worst. She told me her secret (only doing it occasionally, rather than every day), and remarked that she also did not drink coffee or red wine.

"Oh no," I said. "I definitely drink both of those!!" I laughed, probably a little loudly since I'd been drinking and watching improv for the last few hours.

"Well, at least you're happy..." she replied. I smiled and she turned away to go into the newly available stall.

I haven't been able to forget that.


Haiku for pretty lady
My beauty distracts
From the painful secret truth.
My soul longs for love.

Haiku for Kimberly

Dead roach in hallway.
Insides flipped to the outside.
This is not your home.

AAAAAAAAHH!!! SOooooo excited.

Mon Dieu!

C'est Bastille Day!



Joyeux Quatorze Juillet! Any excuse to put Edith Piaf on my blog is awesome. And also, you know, the French Revolution was KIND of a big deal...

So, of course: Independence HAIKU!

Bastille Day is here.
Rob the prisons and eat cake!
Independence Rocks.

We love you Marie,
but you and Louis must die.
It is sad but true.

Ground-breaking trouble;
Thanks for sociology, France!
And the guillotine.

Balls?

The Spain - Netherlands game was (hopefully) the worst soccer game ever. It was TERRIBLE. Embarrassing for the Germans for not passing them by, honestly. And for Uruguay, honestly. That game was GOOD.

So anyway, I'm going to improv tonight. We'll see. There was definitely some drama on the improv front this weekend, so I'm feeling a little hesitant. It's hard to be serious about something at the same time I'm insecure about my position and talent, and also have fun at the end of a long day of work. So, yeah. I've decided that I'm no longer putting all my eggs in that basket. Instead, I'm going to work on those goals I listed.

I am feeling good about the embroidery one, and Sanks has already agreed to let me cut his hair. I think if I bought some scissors he might change his mind--that's how he is.

I watched the Wire this weekend - season four. Dang, that is sad sad SAD. I sure do wish I could solve all the problems in the world. No child deserves that. No Child Left Behind is such a joke. As if passing a standardized test would even solve all the problems for children today. I want to be a foster mother. I've told Sanks, but I think he thinks I'm joking. Silly Sanks.

Well, I better go look up glass-blowing classes.

There seems to be a cricket in my office. Heaven help me.

Foods

I need some foods for the soul. Right now Sanks is cooking me a fabulous (or so he PROMISES) meal of Indian food while watching the World Cup 3rd/4th place game. It's pretty good. I'm going for Germany, although I have some shame in that. Why? I don't know. Probably because they're so good it just doesn't seem fair to the other players, and probably because I also want to go out on a date with ALL OF THEM AT ONCE. Mmmm, don't tell Sanks.

I'm working on a craft project today. I was working on it last night during movie night as well, although it was difficult during both: during Drunken Angel because it's in Japanese, and I don't want to miss anything, and during The Diving Bell and the Butterfly because the cinematography is FASCINATING. And also because it's in French. Craft/movie nights are most successfully combined for me when movies are in English, I've found.

I also did yoga yesterday. It was great! I did a Sean Corne DVD, who usually makes me roll my eyes majorly when she starts talking about Spirit this, and the divine inside, and how lucky we are to be human, and stuff (seriously, Sean Corne, save it for the newspapers) but last night I almost started crying because it's so try. Life is for finding happiness for myself and others, and supporting myself and others and for love and appreciation. So yeah, I needed to hear that.

Right now I need to hear the rest of the game (it's tied now), so as weird as it is for me to express this: I need to go because the World Cup is on. Don't tell Sanks that, either. He'll get way too excited.

Ok, bye! Just say NO to vuvuzelas!!

Question:

What would you do if you had all the time in the world and money was only slightly an issue (i.e. you only made twice as much as me)?

Because I don't know what I would do, since I NEVER HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING ANYMORE.

Let me start with a list:

~ Learn how to sew, at least until I: make a skirt with my new sewing machine

[look at this fun skirt!]

~ Embroider my new skirt using my mad embroidery skillz

[No visual aid needed. Boo-yah!]

~ Take private swimming lessons, at least until I: can do that flippy thing at the end of the lane while I'm swimming laps

How To Do a Flip Turn - Freestyle Stroke on Howcast

~ Take a yoga class, at least until I: can do scorpion pose (yeah, ok, that will take a loooooooong time, but I really want to do that pose)

How To Do the Scorpion Pose on Howcast

~ Re-learn glass-blowing and lampwork, at least until I: make a cat-masterpiece.



~ Learn acupressure, at least until I: can stop panic attacks with a single finger.



~ Learn massage, at least until I: can do BABY MASSAGE!!!



[TOO FREAKING CUTE.]

~ Write, write write! at least until I: get a literary agent.



~ Take a class in stand-up, at least until I: perform once.


~ Learn how to cut hair, at least until: Sanks lets me cut his hair!!


Lots to think about...

The point is, I'm having some mental health days lately. I need to get my life in order because this life is all I've got. I'm tired of spending time, wasting energy, losing sleep, and gaining weight because of shit that doesn't matter in the long run. Nothing is worth that.

It's hard to remember that I'm an adult, and that no one is looking out for me except me. I have to be the one who makes decisions about my future, and about how I spend my free time, and about the kinds of things and people I surround myself with. And I'M TIRED OF SETTLING.

The longest journey begins with a single step... And my journey is apparently only ten steps long.

Goals:
1) sew a skirt
2) embroider it
3) learn flip turn
4) take yoga (let's say, until headstand and extended leg wheel pose)
5) take a glass blowing class/workshop
6) take an acupressure class
7) learn baby massage? hmm, wonder if they have cat massage...
8) send something out to a literary agent
9) take a stand-up class
10)cut Sanks' hair

Sweet. This is awesome.