since this time last week.

Since this time last week (check it out), I have done SEVEN interviews with physicians. Plus, I have three more scheduled, and one more who has committed to participate but who is out of town until June. So that's eleven, out of the 18 I need.

I can't believe how EXCITED I am! I mean, I can't believe how smoothly this is going! Of course, now I've doomed us all, but I mean, I am just walking on air right now!

Kind of like this guy. But in a different way.



Charity :)

the significance of 1649.

I found out this evening that the four digit number listed in the subject line of this entry is the dollar amount of income tax (state + federal) that I owe the government(s). Luckily, as part of the "economy stimulus package" passed in February, I will be getting a rebate of $600, maybe (why can't they tell me for certain?!?), which is great news in many ways! For example, now I won't have to sell one of my kidneys on ebay to buy gas.

In better news (hey, at least I finally did my taxes!), I went to the Pet Parade in Candler Park today with a friend. That was a lot of fun. There was actually a cat there, surprisingly. And on a leash no less! And called "Hoss" if I heard his human companion correctly. He was very curious and calm, and didn't seem threatened usually, unless dogs barked at him. And to my surprise, almost all of the dogs did pretty well with him. Some more than others, but most didn't bark. One of the most "okay" with him was a dog named Rocky.


Rocky LOVED Hoss! It was so cute! At first he bent his front body down and wagged his tail in the air, trying to get Hoss to play. When that didn't work the way he seemed to think it would, but Hoss didn't back up or seem scared, he crouched down until he was lying on his stomach, and inched his paw towards Hoss, trying to lure him into a fun game. People all turned to watch, and this went on for some time. Everyone was fascinated at his apparent infatuation with Hoss, but finally Rocky's people began pulling him home, with his lady friend promising, "We'll get you a cat friend, Rocky!" Rocky at first stood looking back at Hoss while his humans pulled him in the opposite direction, clearly mourning his inability to stay and play. Oh my gosh, how adorable.

Also, I cut my hair again. I'm getting ready to start on my interviews with physicians (hooray!) and wanted to look as professional as possible. I'm thinking about taking out my tongue piercing, but having a hard time committing to that, since I know I'll never have the guts to get it done again.



In other news, I got two GREAT air purifiers. They were on sale on the manufacturer's website, 2 for the price of 1. I'm glad I bought them before I paid my taxes, because I never would have committed to that if I'd known about the 4 digit payment I was soon going to have to make to cover the governments losses this year. Part of me would rather have two new air purifiers than an endless war, but I can see the other perspective too. Wait, no, I can't.

Sam is hurt again, speaking of emergency expenditures. Bless his little heart. It's tearing me up to see him so uncomfortable. I'll have to take him to the vet Monday, and I hope it doesn't get any worse for the little guy. He's in a lot of pain it seems, but the vet is booked up tomorrow, so if I take him in, I'll have to wait for hours and then pay an extra $50 IF they get around to seeing him. I feel it should be one or the other frankly. Why should I pay $50 extra just for the privilege of waiting four hours for the privilege of paying for an exam and treatment (and my vet is not cheap, either!)? I mean, if you can fit us in, just take us! If not, don't. But don't take my money for no good reason at all. (Speaking of rude penalties, I had to pay $50 to the government because my employer didn't withhold enough. That is ALSO BS if you ask me.)

Finally, I finished The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, which was absolutely amazing. Highly recommended. I also saw The Frighteners (directed by Peter Jackson, 1996), which I also highly recommend. Ben Hur (directed by William Wyler, 1959), which I watched the other night was pretty good, but it's kind of weird to sit through a 3 hour movie in order to watch a 15 minute long chariot race. Of course, there were other good parts, too, but everyone seems to talk about the chariot race, which apparently was astronomically expensive. It's interesting to compare that to something like 300 or The Lord of the Rings (speaking of Peter Jackson). The crowd scenes, the fight scenes, the death scenes, the battle scenes, all done without CGI. Anyway, recommended, especially if, like me, you are trying to watch the AFI Top 100 American Films before you die. Or before they update the list again.

I hope you, whoever you are and wherever you are, are well. I've been listening to my Pema Chodron CDs (when I'm not listening to my learning German podcasts or the Grateful Dead; I don't know what it is with me lately...) but I want you to know I'm practicing tonglen for you.

Charity :)

how many times will we get fooled again?

(originally posted 9/07)

Don't get mad, Dad!
Charity :)

Another musical.

No Johnny Depp, but it's not as gruesome as Sweeney Todd either, and a lot funnier.

Enjoy!!

Broccoli Vegetable Quiche

My friend asked for this recipe many moons ago. The other day I glanced at the Post-It note on my refrigerator, reminding me to give it to her and thought, "There's no way she remembers and still wants this," and almost tore it down.

I saw her at school that very day, and despite the fact that we hadn't talked about it in a year or so, she asked, "When are you going to give me that Tofu Quiche recipe, Charity?"

That's so funny to me! So anyway, since I'm typing it up for her, I'll give it to you guys too. A good diet is so important. I recently read an excerpt (Thanks, Mom!) from a book called Your Life in Your Hands by Jane Plant that described the link between milk products and breast cancer. I want to read the book! But anyway, hopefully this recipe can give you a start in the right direction.

(I mainly like it because I hate runny eggs, though, and quiche has to be cooked just right in order to not be gross to me. Tofu is easier, plus you get soy protein.)

The recipe comes from my favorite and most used cookbook, The Compassionate Cook or, "Please Don't Eat the Animals!".

Broccoli Vegetable Quiche

1 pie crust (get a sprouted wheat one for optimal health benefits and yumminess!)
1 tbsp olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 cup fresh broccoli
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 pound firm tofu, patted dry with a paper towel (don't skimp on this step, it makes a big difference--pat that tofu dry!!!)
pinch of grated nutmeg
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2 bunch fresh basil, chopped, or 1 tbsp dried (I like using dry--it tastes good, and doesn't add to the wateriness)
1/2 tsp salt
pepper to taste
1/2 cup soy milk

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Follow directions on pie crust to prepare it for filling (in the book, they use fresh dough, but I never have).

Heat the olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat, and saute the onion, green pepper, broccoli, and mushrooms until cooked, about 8 to 10 minutes.

In a blender or food processor, blend the tofu, nutmeg, turmeric, basil, salt, and soy milk until smooth. Stir the vegetables and the tofu mixture together and add pepper to taste.

Pour the batter into the pie crust. Bake for 30 minutes, or until a knife inserted just off-center into the quiche comes out clean.

Serves 4 to 6.

Enjoy!
Charity :)

PS-By the way, I saw Sweeney Todd last night. The performances were great and the music was good, but overall I feel like they overdid the horror element. The original fun challenge that drew in Sondheim all those years ago was to try to make people scared in a musical. I would be interested in seeing the theatrical production of that, because I think it might be more intense. The movie felt a little schizophrenic or overdone. I kind of want the soundtrack, though. The singing was really good.

Elephant art

My mom sent me a link to this video, and I had to find out more. You can look on this website for more information. They sell these paintings in order, supposedly, to raise money for protecting the elephants, but I imagine they go pretty quick. It's pretty incredible, but I'm not sure to what extent it's actually a "self-portrait" as described. Although, apparently elephants are some of the only animals (also including apes, dolphins and humans) that we know can recognize themselves in a mirror (source). There was a fascinating article about animal intelligence in a recent National Geographic magazine. (In fact, National Geographic has posted a very interesting video about elephants on their website as well, which you can see here, and which I highly recommend watching after watching the video below).



This one is not as realistic. But funnier. (source)

Enjoy!
Charity :)

looking like your pet.

I went to volunteer orientation at this wonderful organization in Atlanta recently. It's a shelter for animals rescued from outlying "kill facilities" that have little chance of being adopted (since they are in remote locations) or animals who require medical procedures or care that their previous owners couldn't provide. I love this place. I've been wanting to do something like this ever since I saw "Year of the Dog." (I told a friend of mine that I was going to do it last week and he asked if I had seen the movie. I immediately gushed about how much I love the movie and revealed my trepidation at recommending it to friends, since I'm afraid they'll see it and be reminded of me for all the wrong reasons. He laughed and said "Yeah, when we watched it, I thought she reminded me of you.")

Being in a group of people who all want to help animals and thus do a tiny part in the work of making the world a better place was very moving. (Also, the pets were SO adorable and sweet and inspiring. The little cat I sponsored last week had almost died from a spay complication but when I visited her, she was so peaceful and friendly. I honestly think animals are an inspiration.) There was a single man in his forties dressed in his work clothes, several young college-aged women in sweatshirts and jeans, a few young professional women, and numerous sets of couples (one even brought their children, which was also moving to me).

It's funny, because I've often heard it said that people grow to look like their pets, and I think that's true, although I also think people pick pets that suit their temperaments, so they don't really have to morph that much (think "Best in Show"). I think what fascinates me more is when couples begin to look like each other. There was one couple there who looked so much alike that I stared at them a little bit, without intending to, of course. I thought, "Maybe they are brother and sister," but then I thought "Volunteering with your brother or sister once you're in your late twenties is kind of weird, too."

I have to admit that whichever way it actually is, the weirdness was still touching because like everyone else there, these two people--regardless of relation--want to give of their time and their hearts to help animals in need. And that's reassuring to me.

The whole experience reaffirmed my faith in humankind. It turns out that there are many humans who are interested in helping animals with no reward other than the unconditional love of a puppy or kitty, which of course is one of the greatest rewards you could receive in my opinion.

In a way, it's like the Grinch--my heart grew THREE SIZES that day.

Plus, I fell head over heels in love. With a beagle. I wonder what that says about my personality. I guess growing to resemble a joyful little beagle named Danny Boy wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Charity :)

scarier even that octopeds.

Forgive me for reposting again. I am actually writing a few stories right now and will post one or two soon. However, when I read this I just had to share it.

It's the real nightmare, and one that I try not to think about since it's so terrifying. However, it's one that I will be living with for years to come and so will my children and grandchildren. I mean seriously, who has decided that we can't afford to provide health care for poor children or refinance loans for people who are losing their homes, but we can afford billions, nay trillions of dollars for a foreign war? If care for veterans is so fraught with problems now, who has decided that it will be sufficient to meet ever increasing demands due to an incredibly (unacceptably) long foreign war (that we were told would only last a few months, incidentally). Who has decided that cutting taxes while spending trillions of dollars on a foreign war is good for the economy?

Why does it seem that no one in power will listen to reason? Why does the American public seem complacent in securing this great nation's demise?

Sometimes I wish FDR would come help us out again. Remember when war was good for the economy and social programs actually helped keep things going?

------------

March 4, 2008
Op-Ed Columnist
The $2 Trillion Nightmare
By BOB HERBERT

We’ve been hearing a lot about “Saturday Night Live” and the fun it has been having with the presidential race. But hardly a whisper has been heard about a Congressional hearing in Washington last week on a topic that could have been drawn, in all its tragic monstrosity, from the theater of the absurd.

The war in Iraq will ultimately cost U.S. taxpayers not hundreds of billions of dollars, but an astonishing $2 trillion, and perhaps more. There has been very little in the way of public conversation, even in the presidential campaigns, about the consequences of these costs, which are like a cancer inside the American economy.

On Thursday, the Joint Economic Committee, chaired by Senator Chuck Schumer, conducted a public examination of the costs of the war. The witnesses included the Nobel Prize-winning economist, Joseph Stiglitz (who believes the overall costs of the war — not just the cost to taxpayers — will reach $3 trillion), and Robert Hormats, vice chairman of Goldman Sachs International.

Both men talked about large opportunities lost because of the money poured into the war. “For a fraction of the cost of this war,” said Mr. Stiglitz, “we could have put Social Security on a sound footing for the next half-century or more.”

Mr. Hormats mentioned Social Security and Medicare, saying that both could have been put “on a more sustainable basis.” And he cited the committee’s own calculations from last fall that showed that the money spent on the war each day is enough to enroll an additional 58,000 children in Head Start for a year, or make a year of college affordable for 160,000 low-income students through Pell Grants, or pay the annual salaries of nearly 11,000 additional border patrol agents or 14,000 more police officers.

What we’re getting instead is the stuff of nightmares. Mr. Stiglitz, a professor at Columbia, has been working with a colleague at Harvard, Linda Bilmes, to document, among other things, some of the less obvious costs of the war. These include the obligation to provide health care and disability benefits for returning veterans. Those costs will be with us for decades.

Mr. Stiglitz noted that nearly 40 percent of the 700,000 troops from the first gulf war, which lasted just a month, have become eligible for disability benefits. The current war is approaching five years in duration.

“Imagine then,” said Mr. Stiglitz, “what a war — that will almost surely involve more than 2 million troops and will almost surely last more than six or seven years — will cost. Already we are seeing large numbers of returning veterans showing up at V.A. hospitals for treatment, large numbers applying for disability and large numbers with severe psychological problems.”

The Bush administration has tried its best to conceal the horrendous costs of the war. It has bypassed the normal budgetary process, financing the war almost entirely through “emergency” appropriations that get far less scrutiny.

Even the most basic wartime information is difficult to come by. Mr. Stiglitz, who has written a new book with Ms. Bilmes called “The Three Trillion Dollar War,” said they had to go to veterans’ groups, who in turn had to resort to the Freedom of Information Act, just to find out how many Americans had been injured in Iraq.

Mr. Stiglitz and Mr. Hormats both addressed the foolhardiness of waging war at the same time that the government is cutting taxes and sharply increasing non-war-related expenditures.

Mr. Hormats told the committee:

“Normally, when America goes to war, nonessential spending programs are reduced to make room in the budget for the higher costs of the war. Individual programs that benefit specific constituencies are sacrificed for the common good ... And taxes have never been cut during a major American war. For example, President Eisenhower adamantly resisted pressure from Senate Republicans for a tax cut during the Korean War.”

Said Mr. Stiglitz: “Because the administration actually cut taxes as we went to war, when we were already running huge deficits, this war has, effectively, been entirely financed by deficits. The national debt has increased by some $2.5 trillion since the beginning of the war, and of this, almost $1 trillion is due directly to the war itself ... By 2017, we estimate that the national debt will have increased, just because of the war, by some $2 trillion.”

Some former presidents — Washington, Franklin Roosevelt, Truman, Eisenhower — were quoted at the hearing on the need for accountability and shared sacrifice during wartime. But this is the 21st century. That ancient rhetoric can hardly be expected to compete for media attention, even in a time of war, with the giddy fun of S.N.L.

It’s a new era.

they're coming...

they change colors:


they escape through tiny holes:


they hide inside things:


they kill sharks:


they walk:


and now, they are mutating in hopes of soon taking over the world, if my thoughts on the subject are to be believed (source):




predictors of the greatest tragedies have often been accused of making mountains out of molehills. think about it.

(source)

charity ;)

there will be blood. at the delicatessen.

so i made it to see this film last night. i don't know how i feel about it, honestly. i mean, daniel day-lewis, as expected, gives a tremendous performance. the movie wasn't the greatest though, in my opinion. perhaps because we missed the first few minutes (i blame the cashier--or more specifically, the cash register--where we ate prior to the movie) which made the rest of it better. slim chance, but a slim chance is still a chance after all. it was just so slow. there were moments of triumph, or passion, or emotional pull, but overall it kind of let me down. it could be because for various reasons i have the movie in the same category in my mind as no country for old men, which was stunning and intense, but i don't know. it could also be because i'd had two margaritas before the movie and was distracted by the people whispering and laughing in the row ahead of us. who knows.

anyway, since it was still early, we rented delicatessen, which i've been wanting to see for some time. it also was a bit disappointing, but it was still pretty good.

paul thomas anderson, who directed there will be blood is hit or miss with me (he also directed magnolia [overrated] and punch-drunk love [underrated]) but jeunet is basically just hit. everybody seems to think delicatessen is like his best or "classic" work, but it was not as good as his others, i think, and oddly enough, he shared director credit with someone else on this film, so the idea of it being "classic jeunet" is pretty absurd.

anyway, just some thoughts.

i've also been sporadically renting "it's always sunny in philadelphia"--which is technically a tv show and which i technically shouldn't be watching--and it has been really great so far.

i think noises off is next in my netflix queue, which my mom insists is her favorite movie of all time. i myself never commit to such dramatic statements regarding my film preferences, so either the film is truly amazing or my mom has a commitment problem opposite of mine. i'm finding it hard to believe the former, but the latter seems plausible.

february 29th.

oh, and happy february 29th.

i thought i'd re-post this very interesting article from the New York Times (source):

February 29, 2008
Op-Ed Contributor
A Great Leap Forward
By CHRIS TURNEY

Exeter, England

WHEN Frederic, the hero of Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Pirates of Penzance,” learns that his Feb. 29 birthday means that he is not 21 years old but 5, he figures he’ll have to serve out his apprenticeship to the Pirate King for 60 more years, and swears to the love of his life that he will return in his 80s and marry her. Such are the tales that have always been told about today’s date. But now we’re in the 21st century, and time is measured according to oscillations of vaporized atoms of cesium-133. Why do we still need something as oddly quaint as leap year?

The answer lies in the fact that days and years are not neatly synchronized. This problem has confounded calendar makers for centuries, and prompted corrections far more clumsy than an occasional extra day in February.

Many of the earliest calendars were based on the phases of the moon. Each 29.5-day cycle amounted to one month, and the first versions counted only 10 months in a year. That turned out to be too few months, but even when two more were added, the problem remained: the calendar could not keep up with the seasons.

A group of Roman priests was charged with the task of adding days through the year, but they were easily corrupted. They’d frequently add or delay the extra days either for personal financial gain or to see their preferred candidates hold offices of power for as long as possible.

By Julius Caesar’s time, the calendar was running 90 days behind. Acting on the advice of an astronomer, he created a calendar based on the time it takes the Earth to circle the Sun. During the well-named “year of confusion,” in 46 B.C., Caesar lengthened several of the months and added a couple of temporary ones as a correction. The jubilant Roman public believed Caesar had extended their lives by the extra 90 days (you just can’t buy publicity like that). And by 45 B.C., the calendar was back in phase with the seasons.

The Earth’s trip around the Sun does not take exactly 365 days, however. It lasts an extra 5 hours and about 49 minutes. By adding an extra day every four years, Caesar could roughly make up for the discrepancy. Even then his scheme ended up being 11 minutes a year too long. This may not sound like much; you wouldn’t notice the difference during your lifetime. But by the mid-16th century, the calendar had moved ahead 10 days.

This shift had serious implications for the question of when to celebrate Easter. In 1582, a task force called by Pope Gregory XIII proposed that 10 days should be removed from October that year. And to make sure the calendar would then be self-correcting, leap years were subtracted from the last year of most centuries. Only those divisible by 400 would get the extra day. (That means 1600 was a leap year, but not 1700, 1800 and 1900.) This way, the calendar would gain only half a minute a year, and it would take 2,880 years before another day would need to be added. The trusty Gregorian calendar had arrived.

This wasn’t the best time in history to establish a new calendar, however. The Reformation had swept across Europe, and Protestant nations were reluctant to accept the pope’s invention. Some countries devised their own ways of making corrections. In what is now Belgium, the calendar went from Dec. 21, 1582, straight to Jan. 1, 1583, depriving everyone there of Christmas.

By the time Britain adopted the calendar, in 1752, 11 days had to be eliminated, and many people were enraged at the loss. “Time rioters” took to the streets of London and other cities chanting, “Give us back our 11 days!” And so the stage was set, the next century, for Gilbert and Sullivan.

Chris Turney, a professor of geography at the University of Exeter, is the author of “Bones, Rocks and Stars: The Science of When Things Happened.”

prince harry

last night i dreamed i saw prince harry on the subway. he was heading somewhere perfectly mundane and not in afghanistan. we talked about mundane things and i thought to myself, what a really nice young guy this is. i was relieved he was no longer in afghanistan, thinking that it must make things really difficult for all of them when paparazzi show up in the hills and villages where they are stationed ("the blues and royals regiment").

after waking up and coming to check my email, i glanced at the headlines on people.com to find that he was being sent home because of the danger associated with people knowing he was there. i mean, i know he's royalty and all, but isn't that what military personnel do? risk their lives? i mean, i'd hate for him to die, but i hate for others to die, too. it's so weird; all he wants to do is fight in a war, but he keeps missing his opportunities die to security concerns. what a strange world we live in.

i saw eastern promises last night. really really good. it's one of my favorites that i've seen during the my quarantine due to the deadly flu virus i've contracted. i haven't seen there will be blood, but if daniel day-lewis beat viggo mortensen for the oscar, his performance must be incredible. i'm sure it was, though. i also saw the age of innocence (starring daniel day-lewis, michelle pfeiffer and winona ryder, directed by martin scorsese). i do like daniel day-lewis. other movies i've seen include the odd couple, la vie en rose (incredible!), michael clayton (really awesome), sherry baby (maggie gyllenhaal's performance was stunning but the movie was full of problems; a shame, really), and heaven can wait (directed by lubitsch, starring gene tierney and don ameche; pretty good, but not as good as the introduction by molly haskell led me to believe it would be).

in another interesting recent development, i received an email from someone i don't know, asking how it's been going. i replied that i am fine but don't know him, can he remind me how we know each other? he responded with the following "huh? your kidding right. Just wondering if your dating anyone at the time. Hope your having a great day!"

i'm tempted to think it's a virus but i don't know how it could be, so i just replied "no, i'm not kidding."

what's been up.

[response to email from college roommate]

Hi friend!

it was so nice to hear from you! i am jealous of you living in asheville again. i have only even been back one or two times since college. it's very sad. there are fun things about atlanta, but i'm ready to move on with my life. i've been going home to visit greensboro some lately. most of my family is still around there. my brother baxter and austin got married a couple of years ago and they are still living in new york, where they will stay at least until austin graduates from acupuncture school. i know hooper and that woman he was/is dating moved there, too, although we haven't spoken in years. i'd love to go to new york--the first couple of times i visited i couldn't wait to leave but the last time, perhaps because i went to coney island by myself, i really fell in love with it. unfortunately, hearing my brother talk about the expense of living in new york is a good dissuasive factor, along with the geographical specificity of my field (professors can't really choose where they live).

for my part, i'm still in atlanta. the rumor is, i'll get my phd someday soon, but i feel kind of like a kid who is slowly but surely putting the pieces together that maybe santa claus doesn't really exist after all.. part of it is lack of interest in a career in "sociology" and part of it is the set of "cons" associated with my chosen profession (such as relative inability to choose where you will live, and the research requirement). i really want to move back to greensboro, as ridiculous as that sounds, because my parents are getting older, and my mom found out a few years ago that she has emphysema so i'd like to be close to her. if course, if i found a career i felt passionate about, perhaps living in my mom's backyard wouldn't be such a primary concern, but after years of teaching college kids about inequality only to watch THEM go out and change the world (actually my favorite part of the job), and after years of trying unsuccessfully to force myself to do research when all i want to do is write in my journal and drink tea, i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever find a passion-inspiring career.

probably too much information, but you found me at a very "transitional" point in my life, actually, and i currently have the flu, which allows me the luxury of also writing long rambly emails. :)

as for the rest of my life, i'm living in a small apartment in atlanta with my two sweet cats (sam and max). my orange cat todd died a few years ago of a freak asthma attack, and as you may remember, tubby is living with my mom. i've dated people off and on, but never found one that stuck. my cats have remained with me though, loyal and faithful.

hopefully soon i'll be able to grow up and commit to a career, and decide to find passion elsewhere.

anyway, i was happy to hear from you and i hope you and the ornery goat find a way to heal your friendship. the farm sounds very nice, and i'm very happy that you have found a place for yourself. i wish you and your partner the best of luck, and please do keep me informed of any changes. if i ever make it to asheville, i'd certainly like to make a point of coming to see you and/in your studio.

love,
charity :)

my world without television...

I tell you what. I am addicted to TV after all. I knew it would be tough to begin yesterday since I would miss Project Runway. What I wasn't prepared for was the eerie calm while preparing dinner. I didn't even miss Project Runway, actually, since by that time I was already watching Blood Diamond. (I can't give up movies, too! But I'm not renting, so until my Netflix gets here, it's just eerie quiet from that corner of the room...)

Anyway, last night I couldn't even make a decision about what to eat with all the quiet. It was so strange. I started feeling agitated, like I needed some companionship, like I was crawling out of my skin. I called my mom, who told me just to turn on some music. The thought hadn't even occurred to me.

Me: "Oh, yeah, I'll just do that. That's a good idea. Isn't it funny that I didn't even think of it?"

Mom: "Yeah, well, Charity, I gotta go, if you don't mind. Family Feud is on, and it's my favorite part. The part where they...[Drifts off, I imagine to look at screen] That's ok, right?"

Me: "Yeah, that's ok, I'll just..."

Mom: "Ok, bye."

[click]

I decided to make the ratatouille again. It was good as usual. Tonight I'll make a stir-fry in honor of Chinese New Year. Happy Year of the Rat! Hopefully it will be a year filled with economic prosperity, although stories of a recession abound. This article gives tips on investing in these "troubling" times, and investments are supposed to pay off well if made wisely during a Year of the Rat (if you're into that sort of thing). It is supposed to be a year filled with socializing as well as bickering, but no lasting ill will. A great time for fresh starts.

We'll see. There are several fresh starts I'd like to make this year: a new start as a graduate of graduate school, a new start as someone who does yoga every day, a new start as someone who weighs twenty pounds less.

I've been re-reading the absolutely amazing Comfortable with Uncertainty and am on the quest to love myself as I am, no matter whether I make those fresh starts or not. It's amazing how conditional my love can be for myself. I'm going to work on that. I've been making good progress.

I've recently realized that I am responsible for my own happiness and that I alone am capable of creating it. It's pretty liberating, actually, since I realize that I don't have to worry about requiring something from someone else or even myself, but that I must just accept "now" and find happiness in the present moment. It's always there if we open ourselves to it.

The yoga helps. In fact, one reason I didn't think about putting on music while preparing dinner is because I have been listening to meditation "music" (a soft gong for thirty minutes, then a Tibetan singing bowl for thirty minutes) while I'm at home. It's very peaceful. I've been doing yoga by candlelight before bed, with meditation music in the background. It's been very relaxing, but I think it might be causing me to wake up in the night. I can't see why it would but I don't know how else to explain it.

Anyway, to fresh starts and loving unconditionally! I'll keep you posted as my world without television continues to unfold.

Charity :)

PS - I have been fiddling around with Dreamweaver, which I recently got at my part-time job. It's not as simple as I'd hoped, but it has inspired me to want to change the layout of my blog. So maybe I'll do that. Just FYI.

Football and Diets

I watched the Superbowl today. It's not what I expected to do (I did have a lot of work to do!), but a friend promised binge-fatty-sugary-deliciousness since she's starting the South Beach diet tomorrow, so I couldn't turn down an invitation to watch it at their house. I'm sure glad I didn't. What a game!

I remember after Christmas one year Baxter and I found ourselves glued to the television watching the Giants play. He moved to New York, and has developed an identification with "New York" things, and I just like watching football, I guess. Anyway, Mom walks in the room and Baxter and I are standing there (not seated, mind you), yelling at the screen and gesturing. She had no idea who we were. We don't watch sports in my family really, but I've picked it up in the past few years. I'll learn all the rules eventually. The main problem is that I'm lazy. I always watch sports with sports fans, who tell me what's going on, so I never have to bother learning. It's been that way since high school. It always kind of feels like I'm an interloper in a different culture. It almost gives me a rush to pretend to be a part of the "sports fans" group, but I do think that somewhere down deep, I like football. Don't tell anyone. I don't want to ruin my "interloper" image.

Anyway, fun. The game was awesome. The disappointment I felt for the Patriots not securing the "undefeated" season was outweighed by the joy of watching the Giants come through even after being so un-favored. And also the food was great. I'm still stuffed.

I wanted to do the Zone diet, as I mentioned before, but it's hard for me as a vegetarian. The only thing that has worked so far is Weight Watchers. I guess I should go back to that, but ugh. It might help me save money, though, if I'm not eating as much.

In fact, after paying this month's insanely high gas bill and figuring out my budget for the rest of the semester, I realize that I may not have to join Weight Watchers to cut back on my groceries bill...


Oh, and my friends gave me a new printer! A really nice laser printer that they weren't using anymore but that works perfectly. I am so happy. I wish I needed to print something important. I could do it at home now! ;)

ratatouille and yoga.

Oh my god. I made some ratatouille the other day. I've been craving it, but it surprisingly is not well-represented in my rather large collection of cookbooks. Finally, I decided that satisfying the craving was more important than doing it "right," so I went to the store for supplies based on the one recipe I had. YUM.

There were a few problems:

1) Thyme is a spice frequently used in French cooking but the recipe didn't call for it.

2) Ratatouille usually has EGGPLANT in it, which I hate, as those of you who know me know.

3) When I last ate it, it was wrapped in a crepe with goat cheese. I'm not ready to make crepes.

Solutions:

1) After smelling fresh thyme in the store, I realized that this was definitely a spice I wanted to incorporate into my spice cabinet, so I bought some. I later discovered that thyme is actually an important component of herbes de provence, named after the area where the dish originated, it being a "provencial" dish. :)

2) Ratatouille originally only had zucchini, tomatoes, green and red bell peppers, onion, and garlic. That's exactly what my version had, except I used yellow instead of red peppers, and I added carrots and yellow squash.

3) I ate it in the provencial style, with crusty bread, and added crumbled goat cheese.

YUM. And it's so easy! You should try it.

Charity's Vague Outline of Ratatouille

(All vegetables should be chopped rather largely.)

Soak garlic in olive oil. Saute onions and carrots until onions are clear, adding thyme (largest proportion), basil, oregano, salt, and pepper. Add yellow pepper, green pepper, one big zucchini, and one yellow squash. Saute for a few minutes, until the veggies start to get a little tender. Add a big can of crushed tomatoes and a touch of sugar. Bring to a boil, and then simmer, covered, for about 15 minutes, or until vegetables are tender. Add more seasonings (listed above) to taste during the simmer.

Serve with crumbled goat cheese and big slices of crusty bread and make sure you are wearing your elastic waist britches!

Oh, and I've been trying to bring yoga back. I have been enjoying the work I've been doing lately to learn to let go, and yoga is part of that. I've also been doing Tai Chi, and working on clearing out my apartment of accumulated un-necessities. Anyway, the cats are enjoying it, too, and Sam is even starting to participate...



Charity :)

movies and b-s-.

Actually, I had a tough day today. Alison, Vaughn and I did some work on the coding scheme for our music consecration paper and it really took a lot out of me. It's been hard for me to get it up for sociology lately, what with all the doubts and concerns I've been having, and the mid-life/pre-career crisis I find myself in at the present juncture. I'm trying though. A friend of mine serendipitously got back in touch with me to give me comfort and encouragement about the dissertation. He recently got his PhD and has been helpful in listening to my grumbles and telling me that I can go to the Peace Corps maybe or get a job in North Carolina doing something non-academic, but that I really should finish my dissertation. Mom keeps telling me, too, but it's a lot of work. It's not just a matter of time wasted; it's emotionally and intellectually exhausting. But as I was telling Alison, this is closest I will ever be in this lifetime to getting my doctorate, so I should definitely do the work if I'm at all interested. Of course, I saw the chair of my committee today at school and I swear he gave me the evil eye...

I watched Dog Day Afternoon when I got home from school. It was pretty good. Definitely worth seeing, especially if you like Al Pacino; he gives a great performance. Of course, he's awesome, so that's no shock. But really a great performance. It's hard to say it was subtle, since it was about a bank robbery gone wrong, but it was in a way. You slowly become attached to Pacino's character, the tension slowly builds to an almost unbearable climax, turns in the story and revelations are striking, yet almost mundane seeming. I thought it was "ok" when it first ended, but the more time passes, the fonder I grow of it. I mean, it's no Man With the Golden Arm but hey, we can't all be perfect.

I rented Double Indemnity, and when I checked out my friend the videostore guy asked me about Dog Day Afternoon. I blathered for a moment then mentioned The Man With the Golden Arm. He recommended Anatomy of a Murder, another Otto Preminger film. I'll have to see it next. He claims it's his best, and I looked it up and it looks great. I remember it's one of those that's been on my list for some time but I keep forgetting.

Another I've been wanting to see is Pinky, which I almost got tonight. I've been wanting to see that for years! It looks fascinating. I'll just save it for next time I suppose...

charity :)

Oh, and the b-s- refers to the State of the Union address, which I tried to watch but was only able to endure for five minutes. That's when I went to the videostore. God, what have we done to ourselves...

me today.

Nicholas Celebrates Four Years with Us.

Today was Nicholas' birthday celebration. Lots of fun was had by all, but unfortunately I missed my nap afterwards. I don't normally take one of course, but after that party I needed one. Sitting in Borders, spacing out after gorging on pizza, mimosas, and cake, and exhausted after chasing 4 year olds around a small apartment for a couple of hours, I realized that unfortunately I am now too old for kids. I missed my window I guess. By like ten years. Lucky for me my friends have had kids, so I can still enjoy them and yet not worry about going to IKEA and chasing them around and around and around and around....



Just kidding. I actually like chasing kids around, but I prefer watching them chase themselves and/or each other around. Kids are so funny!

Anyway, good day, but not enough work done. As usual. :) Who cares? I had a nice day. I always love spending time with the Elliots, and I got a cheap coffee table and a nice file drawer on wheels from IKEA. I even talked to my dad on the phone for a minute. It's not all my problems, and I definitely spent more than $10, but it's a start.

I think tomorrow I'll watch Dog Day Afternoon. I'll let you know what I think.

charity :)

the low price guarantee.

I was on my way to babysit tonight when I noticed a sign on a telephone pole. As luck would have it, I was compelled by a traffic light to stop right beside it, giving me plenty of time to read the following:

Indian Healer

Love Luck
Money Health

Solves All Problems $10

Now, in terms of marketing, sure it grabbed my attention. However, the sign left many unanswered questions.

For instance, what exactly is an "Indian Healer"? Is that Native American, or Indian the continent? Do they include this qualifier to give the healer more legitimacy? Would fewer people feel inclined to call if the sign simply read "Healer"? Would they think they wouldn't get their money's worth or that their hopes for satisfaction would be unrealized?

How did they come up with the four advertised rewards? Are these the main things people desire? Did they sample the population to make sure? Why does health come last and love first? Would the order be different in, say, Santa Fe or Minneapolis? Wouldn't good luck be unnecessary in most cases if people's dreams for love, money, and health were realized?

By "all problems" do they really mean that the Indian Healer can solve any problems even if they aren't related to love, luck, money, or health? Really? Like, what about indigestion? Can this Indian Healer help me find my life's passion? Can this Indian Healer open my heart and let me trust people and forgive those who have hurt me in the past? Can the Indian Healer make my apartment slightly bigger so that my cats don't have to use the litter box right under my work desk? Can the Indian Healer make H & M hurry up and open here in Atlanta? Can this Indian Healer help me stop playing "Oregon Trail" on Facebook?

And finally, $10? Seriously? I'm surprised the sign didn't say "OBO" (or best offer). Any legitimacy the "Indian" label gives is somewhat diminished by the fact that the solutions are practically free. It kind of makes me not want to trust this sign stapled to a phone pole on Ponce de Leon Avenue.

Of course, I do have several pressing problems, to which I have been looking for solutions...

Drastic Life Changes? or Easy Survey?

Right now, I'm reading this book, "The Way of the Fertile Soul: Ten Ancient Chinese Secrets to Tap Into a Woman's Creative Potential" by Randine Lewis, Ph.D. (who lives in Asheville, I might add). I'm currently doing some Yin-Yang Exploration, which is very hard. I'm writing about it in my journal. It's good to know that there are some things even I won't put on my blog, I guess. I'm hoping to learn more about my creative potential and why it is apparently stifled. I have some ideas, but solving the problems I think I have involves making some drastic life changes that I'm not sure I'm ready to make. So in the meantime, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. I'll keep you posted, though, as I begin to think more about this. (And the beauty of it is that this is a book on Chinese Medicine and fertility, which is actually part of my dissertation!)

Anyway, since I'm being stingy with that information right now, I thought I'd post this survey that my cousin posted on MySpace.

1 . If someone doesn't like you, it's usually because:
I have insulted them or made ugly faces at them. Intentionally or unintentionally.

2. Last Saturday night you?
It was really snowy but my friend Stephen came over anyway and we made tacos with fake chicken. It's funny to watch meat eaters try fake meat for the first time. :)

3. What are you excited about?
Honestly, not really anything. I'm feeling rather equanimous. Although I just drank a coke which I never do, so I imagine I'll be pretty excited by the time Jazzercise rolls around.

4. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life?
It's not that I don't remember, it's just that describing something that way sounds lame, so I don't.

5. Have you kissed someone in the last 24 hours?
No. Unless you count my cat, which most people wouldn't.

6. Favorite scent?
It's hard to narrow it to one!

8. How long you been at your job?
I've been working at my part-time job for about 8 months. It's really starting to grow on me!

9. What kind of music do you like best?
It's hard to narrow to one.

10. Who's the last person to sleep in your bed?
Me. Do cats count? Because they are probably there right this very moment.

11. Whose bed did you last sleep in besides yours?
A friend of mine's.

12. Ever been in love?
Sure. Most people my age have been at least once, I guess.

13. What is today's date?
22 January 2008.

15. Who is the funniest person you know?
It depends on what the joke is about. Nikki and Stacie can always make me crack up, though. And when my brother Baxter gets going, he can be pretty hilarious too.

16. Are you in high school?
No.

17. What grade?
Uh, no.

18. Do you smoke?
No. I accidentally used to. It's so very bad. I quit for good when I found out Mom has emphysema.

19. You admire people who:
Can get things done quickly when they set their minds to it. And people who are organized. And people who have found a job they are TRULY passionate about where they do what they love doing.

20. Can you keep a secret?
Um, when necessary, but I really hate to.

[21 through 31 are gone, and I don't feel like renumbering, so I'll just pretend I don't notice.]

32. What were you doing this morning at 8?
Trying to wake up. I'm not a morning person.

33. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Working.

34. Are you mad at any one?
No. Still equanimous.

36. The last person to say they loved you?
Probably Nikki the last time I talked to her. Or maybe my mom.

37. What was the last present you received?
I don't know, probably something for Christmas.

38. Last thing received in the mail?
Hmm, probably a bill. Or junk mail. I get one or both of those every day.

45. Are you any good at math?
I am. I wish I'd gone into accounting. I would be making a lot of money by now. I didn't used to care about money, but after 8 years in grad school, it's starting to sound pretty good.

51. What did you do two nights ago?
Sunday night I watched Law and Order Criminal Intent.

52. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No. In fact, not even any of my grandparents are still alive.

53. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I would rather sleep alone, honestly. I spread out. I need my space.

54. Most amazing thing you did in Summer 2007?
I actually got work done on my dissertation. Like, a significant amount.

55. Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer?
No.

56. Whats the most annoying thing anyone could do?
Be rude, inconsiderate, or unreasonable. Although I do that sort of thing ALL the time.

57. How is life going for you right now?
Pretty well, if I could get my head out of my butt.

58. Are you keeping a secret from someone that needs to know the truth?
No way.

60. What do you think of your siblings?
My brothers are the best. I love them both dearly. My sister-in-law is better than I could ever have hoped for. My stepbrother is awesome and fun to be around, my stepsisters are both take charge, dynamic people who go after what they want. We're a pretty good, although disparate, group.

61. What was the reason you last cried?
Blame it on grad school, as usual.

62. What was the first thing you said when you woke up today?
Usually, aside from a groan and moan, the first thing I say is "Hey Sam!" to my cat who is waiting outside the door for me to wake up. That was true today as well.

63. Last time you couldn't take your eyes off someone?
I don't know. That's weird.

64. Who is your celebrity crush?
Justin! Or James Marsden. Boy, is he cute.

65. Are you more independent or dependent?
I'm more independent.

66. Who will you see tomorrow?
Stephen and whomever I see at Borders.

69. Do you give out second chances too easily?
No.

70. Whats your middle name?
Elizabeth. (Haha, I don't have to change this from when my cousin filled it out!)

71. Are you a bitch?
No, but I sure can do a good impression of one.

72. Where do you see yourself in 4 years?
Still in graduate school. It's a nightmare based on a very unsatisfying reality.

73. What did you do last night?
After avoiding work by watching Law and Order Criminal Intent, I watched the 1986 film "A Room With A View" based on the E.M. Forster novel of the same name. It was pretty good.

74. Who text messaged you last?
Stephen.

75. What did the text message say?
"Still at my friends..." (Nosy!)

76. How are your parents?
I miss them. Hopefully they are super. Like Big Gay Al.

77. Who were you last in a car with?
Susanna. We went to see 27 Dresses this weekend. It was fun.

78. Do you drink?
Yes.

80. Last thing you ate?
Lunch. I think the last bite was some Baked Lay's.

Wow, so that's how the story ends. Pathetic. I'll add a last question or two.

81. What's next on your Netflix queue?
Once. I'm excited to see it.

82. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would it be?
A buffet at an Indian restaurant.

83. What skill do you wish you had?
Organization and/or time management.

84. What is your dream job?
Wow, that's an interesting question (thank you!). I would like to be a graphic designer, honestly. But I went into sociology. I thought I could change the world, but I just learned through my studies that the world couldn't change by my will alone. If I'd gone into graphic design, though, at least I'd be able to design killer pamphlets and newsletters for activist and/or non-profit organizations.

85. What are you excited about? (I remembered something, now that the Coke has set in--yay caffeine!)
I am excited about H & M opening in Atlanta this spring!! (Too bad I don't have a full-time job and too bad it's opening in Atlantic Station. Good thing it won't stop me from enjoying it.)

Alright, now I'm going back to work. I've got a newsletter to amateur-ly design!

Charity :)