yesterday i was really down for a while. and that's no good. there were all these sad little things that were combined into a huge big mass of blues. i wrote a sad blog about it but erased it. for the 4 of you who read it, i'm sorry about that.
at the time, i was so frustrated and depressed that i packed it in and went to the gym. i was amazed at how great it made me feel. i felt all the muscles in my legs, and was so grateful for the responsiveness of my body to all the demands i was making on it. i felt useful, and alive. and there are many people who aren't as lucky as me in that regard. when i was sweaty and happy, i decided that instead of dwelling on the sad, i would start writing about "little" things that i am thankful for, and i invite you to either add yours here or keep a list somewhere else. it is very gratifying. i think i'll start with 10 specific ones (i mean, "friends," "family," etc. are stupid. it's like in wheel of fortune when it got so ridiculous coz finally everybody was guessing the same five letters, but i digress):
1. i am thankful that i received the graduate student teaching award, and furthermore, i'm grateful for the amazing students i have had the pleasure and honor of having in my classes. i have been so lucky to have met many of them, and i can only hope that i have affected them as much as they have affected me.
2. i'm thankful for the conversation i had with nikki when she told me i was picking my girlfriend over my friends and how shitty it was. i know it was hard for her to talk about it with me, but it has made a world of difference to me
3. speaking of college, i'm thankful that i had the opportunity to know allen and that we got to watch the lunar eclipse together on the blue ridge parkway
4. i'm thankful for austin, who is the perfect partner for my brother, who deserves nothing less than perfection
5. i'm thankful that my family, overall and so far, is in good health
6. i'm thankful that my stepdad got that job, because it will be perfect for him and i think it will make him happy
7. come to think of it, i'm thankful nc community colleges laid off both my mom and stepdad at different times in their lives, because they are both in better places now
8. i'm thankful that my mom took me to europe those times and in general that she takes me anywhere, as i can be an ungrateful brat sometimes.
9. i'm thankful i got to live in asheville 4 of the best years of my life
10. i'm thankful for my advisors, who tolerate my fragile self-esteem and manage to give me constructive feedback despite it
wow, i really encourage you to do that. coz i didn't even scratch the surface, and i feel so much better. plus i'm getting ready to work out, and i'm completely thankful for the ability to use all of my muscles, and that as far as i know, i don't have any terminal illnesses.
i feel like i just won the lottery.
charity :)
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