well, well, well.

It was nice to visit with Richard when I was home last weekend. He seems to be doing well, lately, and really enjoyed driving my mom's new (used) Avalon since she was in Egypt. (And I enjoyed sleeping in her comfy bed! Although sharing a queen bed with several stacks of devotional and Sudoku books still doesn't leave much room to stretch out... I miss you Mom!)


There's a new addition: Pumpkin-Jack. Too bad Richard is "not a cat person."


(Can you tell?)


Yoda did not seem happy about not being the kitten-baby anymore. However, he did better than Tubby, who wouldn't even come near the house, and instead tried to get me to let her into the neighbor's house. She sat next to her screen door, meowing and looking plaintively at me. Crazy lunatic.

I had a nice weekend. I visited with Richard obviously, but also a little with Isaac, and I spent Saturday night with Sarah and Daddy. Daddy and I watched 300, which kept making me laugh. I remembered that hilarious review I read about it. I posted a link to it on my blog I think. But anyway, it was so funny. And we got to see it in Hi-Def, which really brought out the six-packs and quadriceps of the good guys (sex-non-neutral language used intentionally). It also brought out the grossness of the bad people and monsters and gushing spurting blood, so there was also that. Good times.

Anyway, since then, I've finished my new favorite book: "The Late-Bloomer's Revolution" by Amy Cohen. I wrote a review of it on GoodReads in case you're on there. I've also finished 2 of the Harry Potter books of the 7 I'm re-reading. I have lost a bit of the steam, though, and might wait to read the rest. I was really inspired by Cohen's book to find another great new book to read. Sometimes life seems too short to re-read Harry Potter books. So if you have any good recommendations, I'd love to hear them. I'd like to read Slam by Nick Hornby. That will be good I think. And undoubtedly a quick read. Anyway, I'll let you know what I decide.

I hope you're all doing well. We moved from drought to cold dry winter and my skin is killing me. I'm going through lotion like it's going out of style, and to no avail. Remember the days when Atlanta was humid? I'm going to have to crank out my humidifier again, I guess.

Oh, and I got on Facebook. How silly!

Charity :)

Before heading home, I was lucky enough to catch a quick glimpse of this beautiful car! As far as I can tell it's a 1949 Coronet, and very shiny and pretty. I have a weakness, I know.

some recent pictures: mom on her way to Egypt

A nice woman sitting next to us in the airport took this picture of mom and me. She had a layover last night at the airport here in Atlanta, so I went to visit with her a minute. I missed the Office, but it was worth it.


Mom got a new camera from Richard for her birthday. He got her one a few years ago, but my younger brother has taken it over. Can you claim squatters' rights on a camera? If so, he would.


Mom waving good-bye from the security checkpoint. She's the one waving goodbye at the security checkpoint.


My dad posted this picture of me a while ago and I thought people who know me might get a kick out of seeing it.

Charity :)

some recent pictures: Halloween

Little Jack was a Hershey's Kiss, but he hated the hat, so he kind of looked like a silver shopping bag. But how cute he was anyway!!


Nicholas saw this picture after I took it and was fascinated by it. He made me show it to him again.


What a cute non-threatening skeleton!


Susanna and the skeleton.


Time to go!


The patience of this woman was incredible! Nicholas wasn't a bother, but some of those other kids were crazy annoying. Nicholas was looking over at his parents, rather than at the photographer. He seems skeptical of this whole process. And rightly so, in my opinion.


Nicholas liked my hat.


My babies were cats. :)

i've been thinking of writing...

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
haha. no way. not even close.

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
11 months. i know. i can't even make it a year.

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
technically, i think it was these earrings from my dad.

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
yes. yes. yes.

5. EVER LIKE SOMEONE FOR A LONG TIME AND STILL NEVER GET THEM?
wait, am i the only one?

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
relative to my income: groceries.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
i am currently eating salt and pepper potato chips.

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
good-lookingness.

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
look, i'll limit it to one album and screw you for asking such a hard question: waterloo, tn by uncle earl.

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
atlanta.

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
western guilford! fighting hornets! [blows raspberry]

12. WHAT CELLPHONE DO YOU USE:
LG chocolate phone. it's pretty sweet. blue.

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
except for not being able to afford anything in any of these stores, i would have to say the apple store, teavana, and anthropologie. my favorite store though is h & m. it's swedish. "ha om" or something.

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD?
for four years off and on i worked at asheville pizza company.

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
probably.

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
no.

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED?
carrie and jake's in september.

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?
nikki.

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND(S)?
well, i just recently saw my best friends in atlanta.

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT?
subway?

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD
every time i have told my parents that i'm almost done with my dissertation.

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
wherever. maybe fellini's.

24. CAN YOU COOK?
yay! love to! good at it!

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
my corolla!

26. BEST KISSER:
me.

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
about a week ago i think. unless i've repressed something. ;)

28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD?
eggplant, maybe?

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
my good intentions.

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
my poor follow-through.

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
16 hours, but i think i got a two hour lunch. it was at a hotel during a snowstorm.

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
the maltese falcon maybe.

34. CAN YOU SING?
most people can. i can also carry a tune.

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
ooh, two days ago i went to see my favorite band, uncle earl.

36. LAST KISS?
"recently".

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
i've got a couple of marlene dietrich films on netflix. at the video store, the last thing i rented was the last disc of the first season of heroes.

38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
(eye)glasses.

39. FAVORITE vacation spot?
i think i'll like barcelona. and i'd like to go to scotland.

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?
i have a laptop.

44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?
i can't think of anyone off hand, so i must not like anyone enough for them to count as my favorite. my ex-boyfriend took a standup class but at his show he made jokes about me. that was the end of the beginning of the end.

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
no.

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
i haven't worn my clothes to bed in years. pajamas or a nightgown maybe.

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
no one.

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
i tried, ok?

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
several times. 3 or so?

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
YES! french toast on whole wheat toast, preferably with that sickly sweet strawberry flavored syrup from the IHoP.

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
i haven't had coffee in about two months. i'm very proud.

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
the other day i had an omelette and it was almost like a crepe taco. it was so yummy i couldn't even believe it. it even had yolky bits on the inside and i loved it anyway. crazy.

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
it seems there is something to the patterns, but as a sociologist i feel guilty admitting it.

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
sylvia, i think. i left a few messages since then but no one has called me back.

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?
kristy.

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
it was long ago enough to have forgotten about already.

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?
two and a throw pillow.

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
work clothes. i'm at home right now, but they're comfortable.

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
"there's some some honest work left for bearded ladies"

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?
strawberry jam. and only strawberry jam. keep your fake grape goo please.

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
i can. i can't win unless i'm playing an armless person, though.

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
yes.

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
napoleon because i can have whichever flavor i want.

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
i guess.

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
i got a massage yesterday.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?
sure.

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
fall. too bad it's getting to be so short.

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
i can't imagine it was too long ago.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
geez. way too early (5:45) and i was still late for work.

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
warm soup?

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
in college.

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
we always had pets. my first pet on my own was tubby, who now lives with my mom.

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?
They've got booty so hey, good for them.

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
going to nc.

78. BIRTHDATE?
in september.

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
a professor on a tenure track. happy.

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?
i'm on a chair.

87. ARE YOU SMILING?
nope. that was a dumb question.

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW ?
not really. i'm getting ready to go meet my mom at the airport.

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
i'd go to egypt with my mom, i think. except she'll be working the whole time.

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?
ha.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
not really.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
no idea.

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
black with a little white.

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?
like the last day.

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?
not unless you count going to visit my mom.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
no. i think i would like it, but i might get stir crazy.

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
a sister-in-law and two stepsisters.

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?
from the basement.

101. ARE YOU OR WERE YOU IN LOVE?
i have been but am not now.

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
just passing through.

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
i wish i was already at the airport with my mom. i wish visiting her didn't conflict with my previous plans to watch the office with michael and susanna.

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
rings, a necklace.

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
finish my beer, wash my cereal dish, play with the cats for a minute, then go to the airport.

oh, right. re: confusion.

I didn't actually like those guys anyway. Weird. I am very grateful for all my wonderful friends and family, but they have really spoiled me when it comes to dating, because no one is ever as good as they are.

Still, lucky me.

charity :)

am i or am i not?

--I spent $125 total in two stores last night: the Apple Store and Teavana.

--I'm going out to eat with my bosses. For fun.

--A man I don't even know just set me up with a man I hadn't even met because I "need to get married."

Good question.

ps-what's going on today?!

Well, I've posted the article below about the Climate Change focus in the UN General Assembly today, and how, alarmingly but not surprisingly, Arnold Schwarzenegger is the lone voice of reason from the United States.

In addition:

-- tens of thousands of monks are part of a crowd 100,000 strong protesting in Myanmar today, and although the government is has kept out of it thus far due presumably to pressure from China, who doesn't want to look bad before the Olympics in Beijing, it seems only a matter of time (photos, story)

-- Iranian president Ahmadinejad is speaking at Columbia University amid scores of protesters (source), and I am freaking out, although my dad would be proud, because I agree with Michelle Malkin

-- GM workers are going on strike after talks stall between GM and the UAW (source)

-- although the United States government desperately needs a budget passed before the new fiscal year begins 01 October, Bush is saying that he will veto any legislation that spends more than he wants to spend, since those pesky democrats keep insisting on spending for education, health care and veterans programs (source)

-- and it's 50 years since the Little Rock Nine first entered Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas (source).

big day, I guess.

But I don't like Arnold, right?

I love my country so much, but what is the matter with our leaders? It's embarrassing, really.

U.N. Chief Urges Immediate Climate Action
By WARREN HOGE
New York Times September 24, 2007

UNITED NATIONS, Sept. 24 — Secretary General Ban Ki-moon opened a meeting of world leaders on climate change here today stating that the scientific evidence of its global impact was sound and the moment to act was now.

U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon opening the United Nations High-level Event on Climate Change at the United Nations General Assembly in New York today.

“Today, the time for doubt has passed,” he told delegates in the packed United Nations General Assembly hall.

Saying that “the scientists have very clearly outlined the severity of the problem, “ he said their message was that the world knows enough to act, that failure to act will bring “devastating” consequences and that affordable technologies exist to start addressing the problem promptly.

“Inaction now will prove the costliest action of all in the long term,” he said.

The one-day debate on climate change, with more than 150 nations participating, was organized by Mr. Ban to prepare the ground for launching negotiations on an agreement to succeed the 1997 Kyoto Protocol, the international accord that limits the emissions of greenhouse gases.

More than 80 heads of state and government are expected to attend this week’s opening of the 62nd General Assembly session, which has adopted climate change as its central theme.

The United States rejected the Kyoto conclusions, and President Bush is not participating in the day’s meeting. Instead, he is coming to New York only this evening for a dinner of major national leaders hosted by Mr. Ban.

Mr. Bush, who opposes negotiated limits on greenhouse gases, has scheduled his own two-day climate meeting of 16 major industrial nations in Washington on Thursday and Friday this week at which he is expected to put forth his administration’s competing view that nations should be permitted to set their own limits rather than having them dictated by a binding treaty.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was to present the United States case to the delegates in New York later today, but another American with a conviction similar to Mr. Ban’s, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, came to the podium shortly after the secretary general finished speaking.

Under his leadership, California is promoting the kind of legal limits that the Bush administration opposes, and Mr. Schwarzenegger asserted, “It is time to come together in a new international agreement that can embrace the rich and poor nations alike.”

“California,” he pledged, “is moving the United States beyond debate and doubt to action.”

He added:. “The time has come to stop looking back in blame or suspicion. The consequences of global climate change are so pressing that it doesn’t matter who was responsible for the past, what matters is who is answerable for the future.”

He said the responsibility of all nations was “action, action, action, action.”

Two Surveys

I don't fill out surveys on myspace anymore, but I couldn't resist this one, so I am doing it here. The rule is that the answers can be no more nor less than three words. I felt like: survey + challenge = fun!

1. Where is your cell phone?
in my purse?

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
don't have one.

3. Your hair?
could use haircut.

4. Where is your father?
in north carolina.

5. Cheesecake?
sadly, no dairy.

6. Your favorite thing to do?
get acupuncture, massage.

8. Your favorite drink?
soy latte maybe.

9. Your dream car?
convertible carmen ghia.

10. The room you're in?
my living room.

11. George Bush:
should be accountable.

12. Your fears?
not having family.

13. Nipple rings?
absolutely no way.

14. Who will you hang out with tonight?
my school work.

15. What you're not good at?
time management, concentration.

17. One of your wish list items?
convertible carmen ghia?

18. Where did you grow up?
in north carolina.

19. The last thing you did?
eat breakfast. yum!

20. What are you wearing?
old nightgown. weird.

21. Tattoo on the small of a back?
several in area.

22. Ketchup?
not a vegetable.

23. Your computer?
been through much.

24. Your life?
good; getting better.

25. Your mood?
happy, excited, sleepy.

26. Missing?
my friends, family.

27. What are you thinking about right now?
lists of things.

28. Your car is?
reliable, a blessing.
(if "a" doesn't count, I'd like to say "nice")

29. Your work?
want academic job. :)

30. Your summer?
not productive enough!

31. Your relationship status?
currently nothing serious.

32. Your favorite color(s):
navy, green, red.

34. Last time you cried?
tuesday or wednesday?

35. High school:
time of frustration.

Maybe this is supposed to be angsty, or maybe they expect the last answer to be more positive? Anyway, so I'll revisit one of my favorites. This should be good, because I just uploaded some new music. :)

------

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool... and alot of the songs fit with the setting

---------------------------------------
Opening Credits:
Porchlight--Neko Case and Her Boyfriends (oh, this movie is going to be a search for meaning in a seemingly meaningless world, I think)

Waking Up:
Jiang He Shui--Chen Dacan (maybe I woke up after getting acupuncture treatment?)

First Day At School:
Monster Man--Soul Coughing (Interesting. At first I didn't see the opening credits one, so this was supposed to be with "falling in love." I feel better about it being about school.)

Falling In Love:
Peer Pressure--Jon Brion (from Eternal Sunshine. Interesting--sweet and/or melancholy. Yes, that sounds like the type of music that should be playing.)

Fight Song:
If I Needed You--Townes Van Zandt (I think this fight might be depressing and pitiful, and involve falling in love)

Breaking Up:
Dry the Rain--The Beta Band (Wow, either I got dumped, or I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship. It's a new beginning. Good for me!)

Prom:
Innervoice--Hooverphonic (Hopefully my inner voice is telling me to leave the prom immediately, as I graduated from high school 12 years ago. Maybe it's some sort of trippy flashback...)

Life:
The More I See You--Sondre Lerche (Geez, I think my movie must be a romantic comedy along the lines of When Harry Met Sally or something. Or maybe a romantic drama that ends tragically. We'll have to wait and see, I guess.)

Mental Breakdown:
Regulate--Warren G (...)

Driving:
Ladies Love Country Boys--Trace Adkins (what th... This movie is f'ed.)

Flashback:
Staple it Together--Jack Johnson (I have to admit that my iPod is much better at this game that my iTunes' performance thus far.)

Getting back together:
I Melt--Rascal Flatts (God, my computer is super cheesy. Maybe it needs more love.)

Wedding:
Virgin State of Mind--K's Choice (I think maybe in my movie there must be some dramatic irony associated with my wedding; I think maybe it is a mistake.)

Birth of Child:
All Sparks--Editors (Another mistake, apparently. A dreadful one.)

Final Battle:
505--Arctic Monkeys (Oh, I think I'm getting back with the first person I was with-my melancholy sweetie. I wonder what happened to my baby? Maybe I abandoned him or her. How sad for me. Oh, or maybe some tragedy happened.)

Death Scene:
Down the Drain--Jon Brion (Wow, short death--56 seconds)

Funeral Song:
Something--Cary Brothers (Geez, what a sad movie. I hope you learned your lesson.)

End Credits:
Drift Away--Dobie Gray (What, so now we're trying to cheer up a little? My poor, depressed, love-starved computer.)

Well, I tried at least.

lifestyles of the thirties

I just watched Year of the Dog. It was very good. And now I want a dog. Very badly (but not fifteen of them). I liked the ending. And the rest of it. A very interesting love story. I remember now why I wanted to see it in the theater so much, and also why I wanted to see it alone. Recommended.

-----

I was just thinking this evening about something several people told me before I turned thirty. They said, "You know, the thirties were/have been great! You get so much done, and you don't have to worry about the bullshit from your twenties. It is a time of reevaluating and finding what makes you happy/complete/etc and then really making it happen. I love(d) my thirties."

I just realized why this must be the case for so many people.

It's because when people turn thirty, because it's some socially constructed (and culturally specific) "milestone," I think they must commonly look around themselves and think: "Oh my god, where is X and why am I doing Y since it makes me miserable? I was after Z so how did I end up here?" Then, feeling desperate, they start on a "search and attain" mission, thus finding what makes them happy/complete/etc and then really making it happen - out of desperation if nothing more.

And maybe they also realize that their twenties were filled with insecurity and doing what they thought they should, or going after what they thought they were supposed to want, and by the time they reached thirty, they realized that maybe the things they wanted weren't the things everyone else wants. So again, out of desperation among other things, they reevaluate their lives and goals.

So even though this mythical "thirty" is making me feel like an utter failure because of all the things I have not yet accomplished, I see it as a good (albeit difficult) thing, because it's also as a result making me reevaluate all the accomplishments I thought I wanted. At this point, I want to try to stop doing what I feel people expect of me or giving people what I think they want from me, and I just want to find out what makes me happy and single-mindedly go for that.

I honestly don't know what compels me or what I could possibly achieve that would make me feel satisfied and complete. This to me seems like a question that needs an immediate answer.

So, wish me luck, I guess!

...I also was told that the thirties are "the new twenties," and if that's true I'm pretty much screwed for another decade it would seem.

charity :)

JAWS update (Spoiler alert)

Jaws was pretty good, by the way. Not really comparable to The Host though. It's impossible to say which is "better."

I watched it some time ago with my good friend Michael, who sent me this email:

Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2007 11:10:12 -0400 [08/24/07 11:10AM edt]
From: Michael E.
To: Crabtree Charity
Subject: An overdue obituary

Here Lies Quint.

He was the saltiest of seaman who harbored a death wish, an unfortunate grudge against sharks, and a love for Spanish, bow-legged women.

R.I.P.

------------

Quint: Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This shark, swallow you whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.


Mayor Vaughn: Fellows, let's be reasonable, huh? This is not the time or the place to perform some kind of a half-assed autopsy on a fish... And I'm not going to stand here and see that thing cut open and see that little Kintner boy spill out all over the dock.

------------

Good old hilarious Michael.


Check out this toy replica.

Memphis: Coward-Bucher wedding.

Susanna and I walking in Memphis.


"History is written by victors, but legends are written by the people."
Unknown, speaker at funeral of Francisco "Pancho" Villa.


How Piggly Wiggly changed the world.


Carrie and Jake tying the knot.


Michelle and Troy at reception.


Centerpiece and dancing at reception.

RV Show

I really like this photo of Mom and Richard; it was taken at the RV Show in Greensboro a few weeks ago. The truck we are standing on front of is a ginormous monster truck that people are meant to drive on the street in real life, carting around a trailer with a living space bigger than my brother and his wife's apartment in New York City and more expensive than some houses. Weird.

Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the last twenty-something photos from me. Tomorrow I will post the photos from Carrie and Jake's wedding: the first photos from my new decade. Yay, thirty. This was a really tough birthday (and I pretty much ALWAYS hate my birthday), but I got some very sweet cards and phone calls, and I got to eat pizza and drink beer with some close friends on the night of my birthday, so it was pretty nice overall. Thanks to those who made it nice by spending time with me, or who were nice enough to call and probably suffer through me being a sniveling sobbing brat about it.

OK. As promised, the photo:



Be good,
Charity :)

Badin Lake

September 2007. The last photos taken of me and by me as a twenty-something.
Enjoy, for there will be no more. These were taken at Badin Lake, NC.


Here is a little pier that can be used for fishing when the water isn't so low because of drought and overuse that the shoreline has receded to beyond it.


A view of the treetops.


A lovely view even in drought.


Mom was kind enough to take my photo. I didn't notice all the dead trees in the background until now. I would crop them out, but I like the weird feeling it lends. Maybe they are supposed to be underwater, too.


Mom and Richard at the lake.


Richard and the lake.



Just Richard.

it's my birthday.

birthdays are dumb.

melting ice.

I heard audio from this on 99X this morning and it is probably the funniest thing I have heard in some time:



This, of course, is in response to all the bashing Britney is receiving after her performance at the VMAs in Las Vegas last weekend. If you saw the performance, you know why it is being bashed. If I recall correctly, it was Dr. Phil himself who said watching it was like watching a train wreck.



In what may be more or less depressing news, depending on your perspective, the summer arctic sea ice cover has hit a record low. And it may get even lower. But you know what? That's not so bad, according to cnn.com. Sure, the melting ice will "alter the Arctic ecology, threatening polar bears and other mammals and sea life." Yes, it will contribute to global warming (ice deflects, water absorbs heat) which will then exacerbate melting land ice that will contribute to rising sea levels, threatening low-lying areas "from Bangladesh to Miami, Florida, to Lower Manhattan." And ok, this "could magnify the damage from landfalling hurricanes and cyclones." But let's look on the bright side: "the melting Arctic also brings possible opportunities on business and political fronts. This summer, both Russia and the United States made efforts to inventory the potential mineral wealth on the ocean floor beneath the declining ice pack" (source). Because what we really need is more mineral wealth to support our CLEARLY unsustainable lifestyles. When are we going to wake up, finally? Why is this message so hard for us to hear? If you don't care about the environment for its own sake, don't you care that we are hurting ourselves and endangering our own future as a species? Don't people care about the world they are creating/destroying for their children and grandchildren?

I'm reading the book "The World Without Us." It is awesome. It gives you a new perspective on the earth and our place in it. I highly recommend it. I went home last weekend, and my mom kept apologizing for screwing up the world for the next generations. I think the people who care feel overwhelmed, since the people who don't care are completely and stubbornly oblivious, and refuse to make little changes that could offset the environmental degradation we have created. Instead, I fear we will keep pushing and pushing until we make the world a place humans can no longer live.


"Won't that be nice..."

re: mindless eating machines.

Some videos for you today.

Last night I watched this movie, which I think, in combination with the TLC show I watched afterwards on primordial dwarfism and the fried zucchini I had at the Independent, was responsible for my extensive and complicated nightmares last night. At one point, my stepmom slaughtered a rooster in the kitchen sink, admonishing, "Well, where do you think my delicious chicken salad comes from??" This was after I was stung by a miniature hammerhead shark/rattlesnake prowling around my living room along with other poisonous reptilian fish. Ick.

Regardless of all that, I thought the movie was awesome, plain and simple, and anyone who says otherwise is a HATER, and is thus NOT invited to help me bring sexy back.

"pour it into the sink..."

They compare it with Jaws, which oddly enough, is coming in the mail today from Netflix!


"As if God created the devil--and gave him jaws."

I will let you know what I think. I can only hope, but doubt, that it will be as entertaining as the following:


"It's ok, I been swimmin' a lot lately. Mmm, yummy. Mmm."

Also, I'm finally going to the Vortex tonight after weeks of craving it!! I'm not supposed to eat the french fries, but they are so good, and I am, at times, a "mindless eating machine" so I'm not even going to pretend I'll get a salad instead. Sorry, Weight Watchers...

Of course, this means I'll probably have nightmares about Jaws wandering my apartment forlornly, but oh well...

charity :)

for those of you who don't know...

i've decided to go ahead and bring sexy back. i take my inspiration from stacie, who like so many brave others, has taken inspiration from justin.



and disney.

and in other news, don't sleep naked with bears, no matter how drunk you are (story here).

and if you want to leash train your cat, you can find directions at this website. I'm trying, but I can't find a harness big enough for Max and Sam is afraid of the outdoors. It's been frustrating.


(picture from above website)

charity :)

freaks and business: coney island.

blue skies and tan sands: coney island.

Harry Potter the Fifth movie.

I forgot to mention that Susanna and I went to see it last night. I had heard bad things about it, from pretty much everybody, but I thought it was great. I'm not nerdy enough to be upset about all the stuff they cut out or changed. I'm actually glad that the book is better, since I feel like "It serves you [other movie-goers] right for NOT reading the book first." Those of us who have read it get to enjoy seeing some of the more CGI-amenable aspects of the story in "real life" as well as having loved the book while we read it. But honestly, I must admit that anyway, this was by far my least favorite book. I won't tell you why, but I will tell you that the part that made me not like it was still large as life in the movie. It is just very sad and seemingly unnecessary. But I think interestingly, it is successful at making even the already more committed fans even more committed and sympathetic to Harry.

I overheard a woman in my yoga class explaining a few weeks ago that her son was quite taken with the effectiveness of the ways adolescence was portrayed, and the intense emotions, including anger, that often accompanies this stage in human development, and that is quite right. It's interesting to think of it: that period of time was psychologically, emotionally, physically, and intellectually insane and stressful and I would hate to go back. Plus, think about if you were also going through what Harry is going through. Any movie about that is going to be dark. Period. If you're surprised, you're not thinking about it.

What?! I'm a fan!

(Although sometimes I would think of Daniel Radcliffe on Extras and smile to myself...)

charity :)

ps - can you wait for the photos of the mystery place!?!?
(You'll have to, I'm afraid)

In the interest of full disclosure...

I just got back yesterday from a conference in New York: the ASA annual meetings. I had a pretty good time in the city, except for the fact that my brother and his wife left after the first two days. I can't fault them for it, though, since they had plans to go to the beach in NC for their first wedding anniversary. It was pretty empowering to walk around the city by myself, and find my own ways to the things I needed and wanted to do.* And I'm always down for some New York pizza. I'd rather share it, but I'm not above eating by myself. :)

My brother and his wife's absence did mean, however, that I spent a lot more time in the Rockefeller Center/Broadway/Times Square/Radio City part of the city* than I would have liked, since that was the part of town the conference was in.

Actually, the first two days I went to a conference at Hofstra University, on Long Island. I'd never been there, and was pleasantly surprised at the view from the train at least. That's my kind of suburbia. I knew there was a reason people lived in the suburbs, and it's because not all suburbs look like Cobb County, GA or Cary, NC. If I were going to live in that area, though, I'd want to live in Brooklyn* or Queens I think. Anyway...

The conference itself (not the one at Hofstra, but the one that followed) was quite dreary in fact. I am trying to get a job, and this trip made me think that despite my best efforts, I would not be getting a job this year. It's nice because I'll have more time to get myself looking and feeling competitive, but it's bad because I WANT TO GET OUT OF ATLANTA.*

Oh, and I met another really great guy, who told me 6 days after we met that "in the interest of full disclosure, Charity, I really feel I ought to tell you I have a partner." Lovely. Why do I bother, really?

On the good side, I met a lovely young lady from Vancouver, and now I have someone to go visit up there. :)

Anyway, about the duck (above): Michelle and Carrie and I were sitting in Central Park one afternoon, and this duck wouldn't leave us alone. I was making fun, telling Carrie she better get used to it, seeing as how she's getting married in a month (2 days after my 30th, but that's a mental breakdown of a different color) at the PEABODY and how was she going to avoid the ducks there? Then this crazy duck attacked. We are only lucky no one was hurt.

On the way out I took a picture of this lamp post, which I found quite charming:*



* I will be speaking more about things I wanted to do and finally did, Brooklyn, charming places and things, where I want to get out of Atlanta TO, and escapes from the Rockefeller Center/Broadway/Times Square/Radio City part of the city in my next entry. Can you hardly wait?!?!

Here's a hint:



PS-Although I hate the smell of poops (human, dog, horse) and urine and body odor and cigar and cigarette smoke and traffic exhaust that follows me around in NYC, it STILL smells like donuts every once in a while (and pizza, but mostly donuts). And despite the other rancidness, I still always want one. Yum.

this week

This week.

-- I spent $20 mailing a package to my friend's daughter in Las Vegas. Which is funny, since the package consists of two box sets of "young adult" novels that cost me a pretty penny initially, but were just sitting on my shelves. I wrapped them in the most interesting paper I had to make them look more gift-like, but unfortunately the most interesting paper I had was a realtor's mailer. Then I forgot the card so I wrote a note on a request for certified mail I picked up in the Post Office and stuffed it in the box. The lady chided me, once I finally got to the front of the line about 30 minutes after beginning my wait, "Why didn't you just use the flat rate boxes? It would have been so much cheaper." Beyond my control, I swear, I glared at her. This was after she kindly offered me priority mail tape since I had forgotten mine and didn't want to pay $3.50 for a roll of tape exactly like the one I had at home. This, I realized when she rang it up, was exactly why I had to pay so much to ship it as well. Glare. Glare. Glare. Incidentally, this is also why Olivia should have her package today instead of next week. Of course, she's visiting her grandparents until three weeks from now. In North Carolina. Whatever. Glare.

-- I hit the 10 pounds down mark yesterday. Then for various reasons I pigged out on Robert's American Gourmet "Pirate's Booty" so I gained a pound back. That still leaves me 8 and a half pounds down, though, so I won't complain about an unfortunate binge that was the result of a painful conflation of several unfortunate turns of events (explained below).

-- Friday I finally finished transcribing my first interview! Now I just have 8 more to transcribe, 3 more to schedule, and 15 more to find out where and how the hell I'm going to get these physicians to talk to me.

-- My advisor advised me to send out a paper for publication (I guess it was my idea, but he's behind it). He's supportive and thinks that although I'll have to do another version of it, I shouldn't have to change much. The good news is that once I get that publication out, I'll be a much stronger candidate for getting a job. The bad news is that until I get that out, I won't be such a strong candidate for getting a job. That is unfortunate, since there are several jobs right now that I'd really like to be qualified for.

-- I got my hair cut (see blog posting below). I like the salon, but it was too pricey for it's own good. The reason I went there is because every time I go to Key Lime Pie, the people I saw before aren't there anymore. The girl who did my hair did a good job, but I feel like, and I know this might sound snobby, but if I'm paying top dollar (to me) for hair-doing, I want to be pampered a little. At Key Lime Pie, they bring you tea, and everything is very nice and stylish, and comfy. Plus they use Aveda color. The place I went yesterday would have been nice if it was significantly cheaper. As it was, I felt like I wasted my money a little, since it was kind of a "no frills" type of place but I was paying "frills" prices. I was also really nervous about it, since I wanted a really good hair cut for my job interviews (at the ASA meetings in NYC next week) and my portrait (end of August). I remembered too late that I wanted to try this place called "Fresche" in Grant Park. Next time. When I'm 30.

-- I am glad I went there yesterday, though, even though I was so nervous towards the end (I feel like she took so long on the color that she rushed the cut a little). The reason I'm glad is because the lady who did my hair is 9 months pregnant. Now why would that matter? She used IUI (intrauterine insemination) to get pregnant, because things just didn't work out. I was excited to hear that (she volunteered the information, obviously, which was actually kind of strange; she must talk about it all the time). I asked her all about it, since I've often thought that's what I'll have to do someday. I'll round 36 and still be single with no prospects, and start really worrying; hopefully by then I'll have a job so can afford to pursue alternatives. So she's telling me all about it and I'm listening, fascinated. She mentions how she lost most of her friends because they're still in the "party all the time" mindset (which intrigues me, considering she's 38). I think for a minute about how that's totally the opposite of my situation. I want to party all the time but all my friends have babies. Anyway, then she says, "but don't worry; 6 weeks and I'm back doing hair." 6 weeks?

"What are you going to do with your tiny baby?"

"My dad is going to keep him."

"6 weeks old babies are awfully tiny! How are you going to be able to leave him?"

"Hey, single mom here. I don't have many options."

Oh yeah. I remembered all the reasons I don't want to have a baby by myself and all of a sudden all the sadness of all the plans I had came rushing back. It's sad to plan a life with someone and then have it ripped out of your hands. At that point, all my excitement melted away and I was totally depressed again.

"So what are you doing tonight?" She asked as she finished styling my hair.

"Nothing," I responded, bleakly in my mind, but hopefully coming across as nonchalant.

"Well, you have to go out! You just got your hair done! Call up some friends and just go out to dinner or something."

"Yeah," I replied, again trying to sound not-pathetic.

I drove away from the salon in a funk. I called my friends in Atlanta and of course my friends in Atlanta consist of two small families, who for obvious reasons (one three and a half years old and one seven and a half months old) couldn't drop everything and go out with me to show off my new haircut.

Luckily, USA was showing a marathon of Law and Order: SVU, as usual, so I watched that. I think I was too depressed to watch the movie I rented: Days of Being Wild, an early Wong Kar-Wai film.

[Hence, the pirate's booty.]

-- Last night I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. At the risk of sounding too dorky, it was super-awesome. I can't wait to go read the series again. I put off seeing the Order of the Phoenix because I was reading the last book and I heard the movie wasn't that good. Maybe I'll go see a matinee showing of it today with all the other little children.

-- This next week I'm going to try to get a couple of interviews scheduled (if not done), and at least work on more transcriptions. I have to go to school today and print stuff out for class, which thankfully ends this week. I also have to get my teaching stuff ready for the ASA interviews that will probably not happen ("Be prepared!"). I need to take syllabi, assignments, copies of my CV, etc.

I also need to go through my dissertation and my tiny amount of data, so I can have something to say when asked that dreaded (by me) question: "So what is your data showing so far?"

Let me tell you. So far, it's seeming pretty bleak.

my new haircut. again.

ruddy

I am calling retired professors as part of my job today; asking them if they have any items to add to our Writers' Display Case. I just got off the phone with a man who stopped me when I introduced myself, and thoughtfully and carefully and enthusiastically told me:

Charity (my last name here).... No novelist, however clever, could begin to come up with a name as wonderful as yours.

That was pretty nice.

Another good thing about today is that I found out that I lost a pound and a half this week, bringing me halfway to my initial weight loss goal, and a third of the way to my total goal.

Also, I'm getting close on Harry Potter. With excitement, anticipation, anxiety, and melancholy (the last book ever!) I continue, one or two chapters a night closer to finding out the answers.


Which reminds me (Daniel Radcliffe was great), I saw Extras, Series 2: Extra Fabulous, I should say. I pretty much have loved every episode. I'll have to buy the lot of them, I suppose.


Are you having a laugh?

MySpace survey

[10 facts about me]
1. I am really excited to get my phd soon!
2. I have two cats and I think maybe I love them more than a person should love their pets.
3. I do not handle stress well.
4. I worry more than is good for me.
5. Bikram yoga makes me feel happier than I thought was possible at this stage in my life. If only for a short time.
6. I love finding new good music.
7. I prefer to have a small number of really close friends than a large number of not-as-close friends.
8. I recently realized that I don't hate Atlanta after all, I just hate grad school more than I realized (thought was possible).
9. I wish I had a personal assistant, because I have a problem with time management.
10. I'm excited about turning 30 this year.

[9 ways to win my heart]
1. Be interested in what I say.
2. Make me laugh. A lot.
3. Do sweet things for me, unexpectedly.
4. "Treat [me] like a lady."
5. Be confident.
6. Wink at me, and have twinkly eyes.
7. Remember things I tell you about me, but don't throw them back in my face when we fight.
8. Be kind to others and be considerate.
9. I think the rest of this is chemistry and physical attraction, which there's nothing you can do about.

[8 things i carry/wear everyday]
1. I always wear my glasses. I used to wear contacts during hot yoga, which was better because sweat drips all over my glasses, and it's really quite gross.
2. Underwear.
3. I usually have a rubber band for my hair.
4. shoes?
5. seriously?
6. I'm supposed to carry 8 things around every day?
7. Keys if I leave?
8. And my driver's license?

[7 things that annoy me]
1. WHEN PEOPLE INTERRUPT ME.
2. When people are bad drivers.
3. When people are inconsiderate.
4. When students don't read for class but you know they will complain if you don't go over the reading.
5. Smoking in restaurants.
6. When someone breaks into my car and steals things.
7. Going to the doctor.

[6 places i've visited]
1. London, England
2. Paris, France
3. Cologne (Koln), Germany (Deutschland)
4. San Diego, CA
5. Las Vegas, NV
6. Madrid, Espana

[5 things i want to do before i die]
1. GRADUATE FROM SCHOOL.
2. Go to Italy.
3. Buy a house. (I also want to pay off my student loans, but that's not fun enough to include if I only get 5).
4. Have a dog.
5. Be a mother.

[4 things i'm afraid of]
1. I'm not
2. going to answer this
3. because it's like asking the universe
4. to test me and I don't think that's wise.

[3 things i do everyday]
1. Wake up. (yay!)
2. Wish I had graduated already.
3. Freak out about something. :)

[2 things i'm trying to do now]
1. Not freak out so much.
2. Finish my dissertation.

[1 person i want to see now]
1. I'm getting ready to go see my acupuncturist friend with my mom. Yay!

good news? are you kidding?

No, seriously. There is some good stuff to share. In no particular order:

1) I have gotten 8 interviews done for my dissertation! 30 minutes into the last one, which was yesterday, my silly little digital voice recorder shut off. It's an Olympus WS-100, and I love it because it was very cheap and until yesterday had been somewhat reliable. I'm not sure what happened yesterday. It issued forth a nervous beep, I picked it up and saw it flashing "Lo" and an empty battery, and then it immediately turned itself off. Hmm, that was weird, I thought, because I always anal-ly check the battery before I leave. Luckily, the part of the interview that I really needed most to be in his words was captured pre-meltdown (this I consider a great blessing, since we actually did the interview backwards as it turned out, and under normal circumstances I would have missed that part!). The crazy part was that after this, I started frantically writing down the things he said and then my pen ran out of ink! No, I'm not kidding! So I had to stop him and Bless his heart, he offered me a pen. What a very nice guy he was. I love interviewing acupuncturists. I have met some really great people. I'll never forget the sweet man who told me, "You will have many successes" at the end of our interview. I am actually looking forward to transcribing that one. Of course, I'm almost done with the acupuncturist interviews (yay!) so I'll soon have to move on to physicians. Eek. I'm a little more nervous about them. Well, once thing at a time.

2) I saw Transformers. Awesome. It's not the cartoon version. Get over it, nerds. It's fiction anyway.



From this website.

3) I finally bought a new iPod to replace the one that was viciously and maliciously stolen from my car during that thunder storm. Poor Jeffrey, out there alone in this world, probably he ended up in the locker of some rude rich teenager troublemaker who was disappointed that the iPod he lucked upon when he and his friends were causing random destruction of the neighborhood cars was a pre-video version. Poor little Jeffrey. It was hard for me to replace my sweet little boy, who also happened to be very expensive to replace. I ended up buying another one online at the Apple Store. It was a pretty good price; I got the 30 GB Video-playing iPod. I don't really need one that big or with video-playing capability, but it was the smallest one they had. The best part is that I could get little Jeffrey, Jr. engraved. He's so sweet, and this time I got the black one. I'm really enjoying it.



4) My stepdad is getting better and better. He should be going back to work in a week or so, light duty at first. I'm so lucky that they caught his blockage before he had a heart attack. Life is good.

5) I am on Weight Watchers and finally feel like I am gaining control over how I look. I figured, I'm turning 30 in a couple of months; I don't know what I want to do to celebrate (nothing seems exciting enough to match how truly excited I really am about it, in some very sick-feeling way) but I know I want to look as good as possible doing it. I've been exercising regularly for some time now but only after I started watching what I eat have I begun to lose weight. It feels really good. I look forward to fitting into my clothes again. Maybe I'll buy a new skirt or something, although I'm actually pretty happy with all of my clothes, I just wish I fit into them without looking like a white-collar hooker. :)

From this website.

6) In honor of my monumental birthday, I have decided to get a portrait made (photography). I'm pretty excited about that, and I know my family members will be excited to have a portrait of me that is less than 12 years old. I wish my cats could be in it, but I'd like to get it made somewhere outside the city, or in a park or something, and I don't really think the cats would enjoy the trip. I'm starting to think that maybe I'll try to get it made on my birthday. Making this decision has been strangely empowering. Most people get portraits made when they get engaged or married, or have a baby. Getting this portrait made is like saying that I am enough. It's empowering, but it's not actually how I saw myself spending my thirtieth birthday. Sometimes I get pretty sad about the things in my life that I don't have that I always wanted, but the truth is, when I manage to forget about the social pressures or socially constructed expectations (of others and of myself), I realize that my life is exactly how I want it to be. I would like to have kids one day, but I can, as soon as I get a stable job. It's funny, that's kind of how I always wanted to do it anyway. I don't actually enjoy being in romantic relationships. Sometimes I laugh when I catch myself mourning the lack of one in my life.

7) I am not sure if I have emphasized in the past how much I love the show "What Not to Wear" on TLC. If I had to choose between a What Not to Wear episode and a Top Chef episode, I would be very stressed out. (Although it does alarm me how many of the worst dressed people actually watch the show, apparently having learned nothing.)

From this website.

8) Speaking of looking good, I am really digging my shorter hair. The front layers follow my jaw line, and the back layers rest at the top of my back. This guy did a great job. I hope he's still there when I go back (the turnover rate at my salon is higher than the one at McDonald's, I swear). I'm thinking about getting my hair done before my portrait. How luxurious. I can't wait until I get a real job.

9) Oh, speaking of real jobs, UNCG is hiring! I probably won't get the job (and wouldn't want it, actually) because they are trying to be more of a research university (the way many state schools are going, in attempting to get more funding), but it's so nice to know that schools in Greensboro actually do hire people. :) Of course, I must admit that this makes it seem unlikely that they will hire an adjunct lecturer for the year after I graduate, and I was kind of hoping to get a job like that, since they're much less research-oriented than tenure track positions (and therefore more perfect for me, aside from the instability variable. Anyway, seeing this position advertised makes me very excited about the possibility of actually getting a job, period! I mean, exclamation point!

10) Sometimes I think that maybe I'm thirty and single because my potential family is out there waiting for me to get a job in that town and then move there, making it possible for my intended family to find me. How exciting to know that somewhere out there is a place for me. I just have to find it. And the fact is, I have no choice but to find it. :) And in the meantime, my life is a lot less complicated and stressful than it could be.

The moral of the story:

Life really is what you make of it. Two people, both given the same pile of shit to work with, may choose to a) mope and complain and feel bad, or b) make a shit sandwich. (If you haven't seen Drowning Mona, you really should.) See, I have my moments of optimism, too!



Charity :)

why i love michael moore.

I gotta watch this movie, yo. But it's not just healthcare that makes me love Michael Moore. It's his vehement berating of Wolf Blitzer and CNN and mainstream media in general on "The Situation Room" yesterday.

Although he insists he doesn't speak in soundbites, I want to point out this quote:

"You've fudged the facts to the American people now for I don't know how long – about healthcare, about the war... When are you going to stand there and apologize to the American people for not bringing the truth to them that isn't sponsored by some major corporation?"

Yeah, when are you going to do that, mainstream media?

My friend had a bumper sticker when we were in high school--I'm sure you've all seen this one--that said "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." Sometimes I get really upset, because there are so few outraged people in the United States. Are we all just dumb? Or even worse, do we just not care? I think what it is, is that shit is so messed up right now people are paralyzed. Hopefully people will wake up and demand change soon, though. Before this Supreme Court finally takes away our freedom of speech. More than it already has, that is...

Michael Moore's website.