I hate riding in cars with people. I get frustrated when they don't use their turn signals, or when they go too fast, or when they take the long ways.
Except Nikki. She always knows the short cuts. And the long ways. Some of my fondest memories in college involve taking the long ways with Nikki. I remember going to pick people up from work, or going on random late night trips to her uncle's house an hour and a half away. I remember going to Tennessee just to cross the border and enjoy the openness of the mountain highways in the middle of the night. I remember we decided at 10 o'clock one night to go to Charleston, 4 hours away. Five of us piled into the car with Nikki and made our way to the beach, only to get kicked off by the police. I always loved taking road trips with Nikki behind the wheel, no matter where we were going. I always knew it would be fun, and trusted that we would be safe.
I even loved getting lost in the roads, having no idea where we were going. Nikki always seemed to know. When she was behind the wheel, no matter how lost I was or thought we were, she always got us back on the right track, and we always had fun getting there. I would just sit back and listen to the music, patient with the knowledge that somehow Nikki would make it all right again. I didn't worry about how loud the music was or how fast we were going, or even where we were going. I remember once we stopped for gas and Tupac was playing so loud in the car that everyone outside and inside the gas station turned to look at the car. I noticed and then I laughed. I sat in the passenger seat of her car, yelling out at her as she filled her tank, just happy to be there, and happy to be with Nikki. I remember sitting in the back seat on road trips, listening to music (OutKast, the Wu-Tang Clan, Sarah McLachlan, whatever), so relaxed and carefree, staring up into the sky through the rear window, looking for constellations.
In life, Nikki has never been tied to taking the short cuts either. She goes the long way, but she always gets where she needs to be, and her destination always makes the trips worthwhile, no matter how lost she gets on the way.
I, on the other hand, always get sidetracked by detours, and frustrated when my ways don't work.
I honestly think Nikki knew the shortcuts to every place in Asheville. I once asked her how she knew all of them. She laughed when I asked if she looked them up on the map.
"You just drive around, get lost, and find your way back. It's the best way to find all the different ways of getting somewhere," she said.
From Nikki I learned the joys of getting lost. Even today, when I feel I'm getting lost, or when I feel scared because I don't know where I'm going anymore, I call Nikki. Yesterday I called her and got her answering machine.
"Nikki, it's Charity," I said. "I was just, not feeling depressed, just kinda blegh. I wanted to call you coz when I talk to you I always feel less blegh."
She called me back today and we talked for a while. She doesn't always have the answers. But she always knows what to say anyway. No matter what, she always knows what to say. And she always makes me feel like, even if I don't know what to do, if I just wait it out, I'll find my way back to where I'm going. And I know that the getting lost along the way makes me appreciate my path better. Maps are for people who don't want to waste time. But the thing I have to remember is that the time it takes to find your way somewhere isn't actually time wasted. It's time spent with yourself, searching, finding a way that works for you; it is time for learning about yourself and enjoying the ride. The key is to realize that although you're lost, you are going to find your way back out again, and you'll appreciate the journey more if you navigate it yourself.
Nikki didn't like me at first. She thought I whined too much, and was generally too prissy, from what I remember. But that's ok, I do whine and I am prissy. Thankfully, she gave me a chance anyway. After you've known someone a while, you find out who they really are. And you appreciate the friendship for what it is, a time to search the other person out and find out where you are going together. And if it takes longer than you expected, it's ok, because it's not time wasted. The time helps you appreciate the other person and the journey you have taken together.
When I'm lost on the curvy mountain roads of my life, I know I can call Nikki and she won't tell me the shortcuts, but she will inspire me to have the patience to discover the path myself. And I love her for that.
When I want advice or comfort, the two people I always want to talk to are my mom and Nikki. I don't think of Nikki as my mom, though. She's more than that: she's my mother, my sister, and my friend. She's my best friend of all time and the only person outside the family I was born into that I can always trust to be there for me no matter what. And frankly, she's the only person outside my birth family that I know I would do anything for.
I love you, Nikki. You mean the world to me and I don't know what I would do without you. But if the unthinkable happens, I know you or I will manage to find our way out.
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